At a lost & exhausted

I'm a person that just likes to get to the point so here it is. Besides having my own PTSD depression & anxiety issues I'm a recovering alcoholic. We have a large family (five teenagers). My husband was diagnoised with Bi-Polar manic depression. He has been treated with medicine for over a year probably two now. He lost his job a few months ago after being there ten years. The job search has been terrible. His depression is getting worst. It turns from depression, to defenseful, to rude/mean to us. I can only be positive and take so much but when I have to bring him down a notch it just makes him worst. Saying that everybody hates him, he is worthless. I'm exhausted trying to be positive and keep the family life happy and not dreadful. But today my husband got up and was on the verge of crying all day. He couldn't even explain it. I think he is taking more than he is suppose to of his medicine just so he can sleep. For the first time I truly felt I had to sit him down and ask if I need to worry that he would hurt himself. He said no but this depression is severe.
I'm exhausted and conflicted. How much longer can I and my kids walk on egg shells. I try to be positive but he sucks it right out of us. And everything has to do with him. He has no regard to the load that I'm carrying. I want to help him but I'm getting tired. I'm feeling lost. Any thoughts?

I am sure you are feeling exhausted and desperate Jean77. It sounds like you need some help carrying this load. Have you tried a 'sit-down' with your husband when things are calm so he won't feel you are attacking him and discuss where to go from here? He probably needs to go back to his mental health provider, may need intensive treatment (possibly inpatient), and you need some counseling support if you aren't already getting it.

As far as the employment thing goes, I know someone who has been looking for a job for about six months who went to Goodwill and was working within a week. It was for a low wage but it has improved his mood dramatically. Don't know if you can do this if you are getting unemployment but you can check.

Best wishes. I hope you both find a better way soon.

I don't know if it is possible, but does he have any skills he can convert and use in self-employment? My husband came home one day and said he had quit his job. We had an infant and I wasn't working. Immediately, I placed an ad in the home improvement section advertising his skills as a plumber and he got his first "job" in a week or so. We became permanently self-employed and he did the necessary things to get the proper licensing, etc. after "they" literally came knocking at the front door.

Maybe just taking some action will help his frame of mind. If he has no home improvement skills, how about car detailing, lawn care, pet care, tutoring....

Just a thought. Good luck and a big hug...5 teenagers wow! Hang in there Mom, find some time for yourself and get those teens to helping the family, too.

Jean, your situation is so tough, but I think that you are overdoing being positive. Being positive does not feel natural to you, so it is draining your energy. Do you need something other than your overflowing plate to sap your energy?..

Your trying to be positive may be interpreted as your demanding that your H cheer up and get his act together - no wonder he snaps at you, full of resentment.

Positive thinking is grossly overrated. Try being congruent with reality instead. If you feel sad, do not force a smile.

As for the adolescents, they are picking up on how forced your being positive is FOR SURE. So you are not really fooling anyone with being positive. It is just counter-productive and an extra chore for you.