[shygirl2101]

There’s a quote from Tolstoy that says “All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”

There is so much meaning in just that sentence.
There’s so many examples of dysfunctional families. You can hear about them on the news, gossip from their neighbors, testimonials on the internet. Dysfunctional families have been linked with conflict, emotional neglect, abuse, mental illness etc.

And I’m not writing this because I’m judging anyone. I come from a dysfunctional family as well, both from the nuclear and extended family. I was emotionally neglected for a few years in my pre-teen years, which made things harder for me because that’s the period that i was bullied and abandoned by my friends. The communication between me and my family was really poor. I mean it still is ,but in recent years I’ve mended things with my parents. I still have to work on my relationship with my brother, but I don’t know to approach him. We’ve been fighting since we were kids. But I think, the real dysfunctionality is in the extended family. Ever since i can remember, I was a witness to so many inter-generational conflicts
(for an example between my parents with my grandparents), psychological or emotional abuse between relatives, backstabbing. Even though i wasn’t part of their problems they had, I was being put on the spot to choose sides. I always tried to be neutral in every argument, but in the long run it didn’t help me with my trust issues. And the reason for all the arguments is pretty stupid, at least by my opinion. A whole bunch of my relatives are being led by emotions like envy, jealousy, greed. Many have cut their family ties because of property inheritance. The rest are still “on good terms”, but till when. It’s not like there’s this big fortune in my family, it’s just that they have some unresolved issues between themselves and are just looking for an excuse to argue.
I know there are people that had much harder childhoods than mine. And I’m not looking for pity. I just want to know from people who grew up in dysfunctional families: Did your family was able to overcome their problems? If they did, how did they do it? If they didn’t, were you able to break the cycle and maintain healthy relationships with your family?
And for the rest, well. . . I’ve always wondered : How does it feel to live in a functional family?

[jelly-bean]

In my opinion, every single family that exists is functional in some respects and dysfunctional in others. It is how you interact in the family that really matters. Sometimes you don't have much of a choice but it's all you have.

[Crazy Hitch]

Well on some levels, yes, there are aspects of my family when I was a young child that were pretty much .... Dysfunctional.

I guess I still carry part of the aftermath this day.

Luckily my new T is unraveling these issues and is helping me unpack the emotional turmoil that it caused.

So I think we can heal.

How long it takes to heal, doesn't matter, so long as we are able to move towards our journey of recovery, each in our own way.

[shygirl2101]

In my opinion, every single family that exists is functional in some respects and dysfunctional in others. It is how you interact in the family that really matters. Sometimes you don't have much of a choice but it's all you have.

When I was little, I used to watch family TV shows and had this idea of a perfect family. I remember that i thought that only my family was dysfunctional and always felt jealous when i would see how other families interact. During the years I started to understand that things aren't what they seem on the surface. But I think that I still have this idealised picture of a family.

Well on some levels, yes, there are aspects of my family when I was a young child that were pretty much .... Dysfunctional.

I guess I still carry part of the aftermath this day.

Luckily my new T is unraveling these issues and is helping me unpack the emotional turmoil that it caused.

So I think we can heal.

How long it takes to heal, doesn't matter, so long as we are able to move towards our journey of recovery, each in our own way.

It's nice to know that there is a possibility to recover from these issues.
I'm just a little more concerned about how to make my relatives see that their arguments and maltreatment doesn't affect only them but the whole family especially the children.

[hvert]

I think Tolstoy got it wrong -- I've found a lot of commonalities with other people with regard to my family!!