[CraigC]

Hi,

New to this: Just looking for help understanding something. I split up with my partner after 8 years, i'm 32 and we had two children. It was tough as you might expect. That ended for good just over 3 months ago. Two weeks ago i went on a date with a girl, we liked eachother and have met every other day since. But recently i'm finding when i come home i can't get her out of my mind. I'm totally consumed, i can't sleep, i can't converse with people, i just want her to be there. When i'm with her it's all good. But as soon as i'm home it slowly builds up into me missing her really badly. I just want to know why i can't fight what seems to be an obsession off. Is this normal? I don't want to bombard her with phonecalls or texts in case it gets creepy or too full on. In past relationships i can't recall ever feeling this way. Any advice would be appreciated, particularly if there is some that might help me block it out, and let me function when i'm not with her.

Thanks, Craig.

[jelly-bean]

I think that you should see if you can get into some counseling for this obsession. If you are truly obsessed then you will need some help to work through these feelings.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by CraigC

i can't converse with people... Is this normal? I don't want to bombard her with phonecalls or texts in case it gets creepy or too full on. In past relationships i can't recall ever feeling this way. Any advice would be appreciated, particularly if there is some that might help me block it out, and let me function when i'm not with her.

Thanks, Craig.

Of course it is not normal - but you know it already, since you mentioned how in past relationships this has not been happening. Very wise not wanting to bombard her with phone calls or texts. While you figure out what is happening and what can be done about it, set up a new email alias and when you feel like calling or texting this girl, write emails instead and send to that new alias. At least that would prevent you from acting on an impulse and actually calling her too frequently.

[CraigC]

Thanks, i have been thinking about counseling but just wanted to make sure it wasn't just a typical aspect of falling in love, or something that would pass in time. But yeah, i think i should speak to someone about it. Thanks!

[CraigC]

Thanks! Yeah that is an idea. I will try that, tho i get the feeling that i'll still want her to see what i'm writing. But yeah, it might at least get it off my chest. Last thing i want to do is scare her off by being too obsessive or too creepy even.

[hvert]

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but that doesn't sound that abnormal! I also find it really hard to set aside those thoughts when I first meet someone I am really into. It's good you are resisting the temptation to call all the time, but it might actually be flattering if you tell her how you are feeling when she is out of your sight If you guys are meeting every day, she probably feels the same way you do.

I believe its loneliness that is over clouding your thinking , so when you see your g/f all that sadness and loneliness goes away .
You need to find something that you enjoy that takes your loneliness away .
Right now it's your new g/f but you need to find something else or your going to seem to needy and it might scare her away .

My advice is find a hobby that you enjoy and that loneliness will soon go away

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by CraigC

Hi,

New to this: Just looking for help understanding something. I split up with my partner after 8 years, i'm 32 and we had two children. It was tough as you might expect. That ended for good just over 3 months ago. Two weeks ago i went on a date with a girl, we liked eachother and have met every other day since. But recently i'm finding when i come home i can't get her out of my mind. I'm totally consumed, i can't sleep, i can't converse with people, i just want her to be there. When i'm with her it's all good. But as soon as i'm home it slowly builds up into me missing her really badly. I just want to know why i can't fight what seems to be an obsession off. Is this normal? I don't want to bombard her with phonecalls or texts in case it gets creepy or too full on. In past relationships i can't recall ever feeling this way. Any advice would be appreciated, particularly if there is some that might help me block it out, and let me function when i'm not with her.

Thanks, Craig.

I'm the same way about my man. Completely consumed with thoughts of him! I just have to find ways to busy myself. I spend alot of time here at PC or find things to do, but all the while my mind is on him. It's hard I know. It takes alot of self restraint. Distractions are the only way I know to keep from going overboard.

[kimmydawn]

Your recent breakup of a longterm and highly involved relationship is probably playing a big role in your feelings I would think.

Your mind and emotions are so raw with awareness of how something cared so much for so long can be gone. You've found someone new that's helping you feel good and subconsciously maybe your fear of loss is driving these thoughts...as in saying if I'm with her she's not gone.

If that's the case time should help heal your anxieties. You need to allow yourself to grieve and breathe for an amount of time?

Just some thoughts to consider.

Good luck!

KD

[~Christina]

Your fresh out of a long term relationship, Take time to grieve the loss so your not replacing a person. Date , go have fun with this new gal, Just make sure your not trying to replace a person.

Therapy can be really helpful to make sure your healing and moving forward in a healthy manner.

Welcome PC