[Resilient07]

Good Afternoon!

My ex boyfriend has not been diagnosed with borderline, however he displays Symptoms of the disorder. When reviewing the DSM from what I know about him he displays five out of nine of the criteria.

We began our relationship quite quickly we talked/ dated for three months, and had an actual relationship for five months right before our six months. I will always remember when we first started out relationship he'll advance our relationship and tell people we had been together for three months. Which I would quickly remind him that this was incorrect.

I look back now and realize all the red flags, actually I realized it then however as a person who really never tried the relationship thing , I tried to be open to his fast paced feelings.

Within the first month of us talking he talked about moving to the town that I live it ( yes this is a long distance relationship, 12 hrs) , he talked about moving in together, within three months of our actual relationship he tried on multiple occasions to get me pregnant, and opposed me getting birth control. I had to set a boundary with him. As our relationship progressed I realize he we unstable, he would waver with his thoughts, and seem depressed at times but latch on to me for comfort. During our times together I felt insecure about the dynamics to our relationship, he didn't want me to be affectionate to him, he had to choose when were intimate. He would say he doesn't cuddle and say it suffocated him, and then he'll have his nights where he held me and wanted me to praise him, and he would actually be proud of the times he was able to hold me. It was strange to me, but I was open to working with him.

After our break up I searched on his social media sites years back and discovered he had been in relationship after relationship, that I knew nothing about. His friends would comment on his statuses and inquire about who he was in a relationship with now. It was like a running joke among them.

After a month of us breaking up he began another relationship with someone else, and a month after that he talks about moving in with her. And yes you guys I have researched her page as well. Twitter, the open diary, there is no indication that she was involved, or dating anyone. She would tweet about wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to a male interest in her life. And then her tweets indicate they started dating a week after we broke up. So I do not think he was cheating.

Prior to our break up( the week before) he would tell everyone I was a perfect girlfriend, tell me he was in love with me and didn't want to lose me. And he would tell me not to give up on him. Which I didn't understand where that came from. Then the day of our break up a week later, he devalued me, said I forced him into a relationship, he was bored, he wasn't infatuated anymore. And this came to a surprise to me. He was rude to me and it became scary to be because It felt like I was talking to a different person, like literally his tone, and dialect was different from the normal.

He would always say that this is one of his best relationship because of the space and it wasn't a clingy situation. Among other things of course. His friends ( our mutual friends that just met before we got together) Are now realizing he may have a problem and think he is a relationship addict. I feel like its more of course, I won't even begin to talk about his childhood and his ongoing mission to connect with his mom. The mutual friends we have said that he gets to a certain point in the relationship and he gets bored and he cant do anything else. So they suggested that he makes a decision to end the relationship with his current girlfriend and prevent from hurting her, and of course he wants the relationship.

I feel for his new girlfriend and I've wanted to reach out ( I won't) but I feel like morally If everyone has already predicted the outcome its heartbreaking to see the end results to this.

I also think that this relationship won't reach the six month point due to him needing space, and unlike me she it the typical woman that needs to feel affection, I on the other hand was use to having a friend with benefit, that I required minimum contact from. I feel like the only reason we lasted this long is because of the distance, we would see each other five days out of a month.

I guess this was a vent post. Feel free to ask questions, comment, Idk!

[tallulahxoxo]

I'm sorry you went through that. It sucks to meet people like that. I wonder if they just don't give a f/ck or if they just can't help it. I'd just forget about him and not reply if he tries to contact you.. His loss. When you finally get into a good relationship you'll look back and laugh at these losers haaaaa.

[hamster-bamster]

I think he is borderline and also somewhat histrionic, because his public proclamations of love for you appear histrionic, and his saying that you were a perfect gf appears both borderline and histrionic.

Whatever it is, his case is really complex and it is good that he is not your problem now (I commend you both for feeling enough compassion for this new woman to want to reach out and for your self-restraint - she will have to figure this one out on her own). A change in dialect that you picked up on... it is almost as if he had two personas. A dialect is usually a very stable characteristic of an adult. To change that... mysterious, I would say.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi Resilient

I'm sorry for what you had to go through.

It wasn't easy.

I could say I could see "some" traits, however, I'm no medical professional and I know your original post was questioning whether he was borderline as you feel he meets 5 of the 9 diagnostic criteria. And that's the complexity right there. Borderline can look so different in so many people as it can be any 5 of the 9, in any order, or even 9.

So I guess it really does take a professional to make the diagnosis.

I wish you all the best moving forward in the future.