In-laws Umbilical Cord

My in laws are wonderful people and truly mean well. But I'm struggling with how to handle a certain situation right now - Christmas and Santa. My husband is 31, we have a little boy now and we are very excited to fold him into some of the Christmas traditions we have started and also start some news ones as a family. Christmas is by far my favorite holiday. Although we're grown adults now, completely financially independent and have been since college, they are increasingly reverting back to when they were parents and it's driving me nuts. Let me explain with examples. We would prefer they scale back the gift giving for us since we're older and have kids of our own. However, they insist on spending the same exact amount on everyone and it's a large amount - more than we spend on each other or plan to spend on our son. This bothers me because we don't want our kids to be spoiled and I'm not sure how I'm going to explain to them why Christmas with Grandma is better than what Santa brings. They insist on us telling them what we want for Christmas (we don't want anything - thank you so much for the offer) and when I do give them an idea or two, she says "Well, I'll ask Santa and see what he can do". I'm 30 years old. How can I get her to stop talking like this? They do this all the time. "Santa has been really busy this year" on and on and on. I really want them to step back a bit, see us as adults (not children) and allow us as new parents to enjoy the new roles during Christmas. This means spending less on us - we make substantial incomes and the excess is unnecessary and feels gluttonous.

They are very quiet people. In my 10 years knowing the family I have only seen 1 confrontation. They sweep it under the rug and no one talks about anything. Thus I don't know how to bring this up without hurting their feelings or coming off as a ******. The later is what usually happens when I speak up. I don't want that. My husband and I have great communication with each other but he still struggles with communicating with them. Please help.

I think this should be a conversation for your husband to have with his parents. Although he may not want to, if he agrees with you it needs to come from him. He needs to let them know that you both greatly appreciate the generosity but the traditions and memories of holidays are more important than a lot of gifts. He needs to let them know that one or two gifts are more than enough. If they keep insisting then have them donate the rest of the money to charity or your son's college fund.

I'd agree with a college-fund. Or they can save up money and every few years maybe go on a holiday. They can spend money on doing things with your child instead of buying a whole bunch of presents.

And also, for your son if he asks? Well, point out taht Santa has to give presents to every single child and he doesn't get paid any money, plus he has to somehow get them all onto his sleigh...

Asking for some kind of family trip is a good one. I don't think there is any way to 'make' them stop this without causing problems that probably aren't worth it in the long run. Can you just donate some of the excess before the kids see it? Or have the kids be part of that process?

They may decide on their own to stop doing this. My mother kept doing this to me and it was very frustrating. She would spend a lot of money buying me something I couldn't return and didn't want. She would also be upset if I did not spend 'enough' money on her. On my birthday this year, she really cut back. I hope it's the same this Christmas!