Issues with my mother

Hello everyone!
I Hope someone here will be able to help.

I just had a huge fight with my mother. I am not living at home since five years, we are mostly speaking in the phone. Today she called and told me that something that she ordered for someone (who wanted to give it to someone else) is not going to arrive before Christmas, only after, although it supposed to be a present. It was not her fault I knew it, so I tried to comfort her with "yes it's not nice, but at least part of the present arrived".
She sounded really stressed about it and there was no way to solve it.
She said its unforgivable that it didn't arrived. I said "but it's Christmas". Her answer was like "yes, exactly because it's Christmas it's unforgivable." I reacted by saying okay, but let's hope that they think otherwise-I mean that maybe because it's Christmas and part of the gift did arrive and that it was not her fault in the name of love they won't make the biggest deal out of it.
She called me something that I can't write down in this forum then hanged up the phone.

Later on she shouted that I'm selfish that I offended her and them, that I can only think about myself... I swear I only wanted to make her feel a little bit better if its possible in this situation but she took it the opposite.
She said I made it clear that Christmas is not important for me and don't I dare to give her any present.
There is a bigger picture to this story. My parents raised me as I can choose my religion whatever I want when I grow up and I 'chose' Judaism. I am currently in the conversion process (and have a Jewish boyfriend). Maybe Christmas is not the holiday, that Jews celebrating but it is important for me as I grew up with celebrating it. It maybe doesn't mean for me the same as to Christians (my mom is not one) but it is important as being together , loving each other, talking to each other. For me it's not about presents and I wouldn't care for a second if I wouldn't get any. I also understand that for other people presents are important and I wasn't trying to offend anyone (not even here), just wanted to make my mother feel better.

It's really painful, I feel like she used this fact (conversion) against me, although I didn't mean bad to anyone.
She said she tought the only person who would understand her would be me and I honestly can't get this. I feel like I did. I feel like I wanted better for her. And after all this she called me names and that I'm always like this. Then why she toughs I will understand if she really thinks I'm like this?

On the other side I cannot share any joy with her. 2 years ago I told her that me and my boyfriend going to India. All I listened to till the trip is "raping stories". I told her one month ago that I might get to go to Africa for 10 days, organized trip, not to worry. First thing I heard is a "raping story" and ever since its not possible to talk to her about it. I get that moms worry, I worry too (though not a mom yet) but why not to be able to be happy for someone? She said after I told Africa that That's gonna be my life from now? You can't sit on your ***? I'm not happy for you at all.

I don't get her at all, we are talking every day on the phone but only not about the important stuff. I feel like when she needs help and understanding then she needs me and according to her mood, either accepts my help or making a fight out of it. But when I want to share happiness, or even thoughts about my religion, my future (in another country) she is just not there, completely refusing me.

What I should do? Am I selfish with her?
(She really is refusing every talk considering these subjects or listening for one sentence not reacting.)
Please I kinda need help soon - I feel horrible and don't know what to do.
Thank you so much in advance, and I wish you all Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

I think you handled your mothers problem very appropriately, offering her the support that most people needed to hear. your mother is the one being selfish. it sounds like that she is angry at you and this is coming out in unpredictable ways. I don't think you will ever be able to share your happiness with her because she is not ok with you right now. I would not ever expect her to be supportive of you or you will just be let down. having superficial conversations is the only safe way to maintain the relationship. if you want more than that, you can suggest family counseling for the two of you to work out what is going on. I am sorry your mother isn't there to share your happiness. merry Christmas to you too.

Talking every single day to a mother like this is a bad idea. She'll appreciate you more, if you are a little less available. There are some things that you just can't share with her. You basically have to accept that. It sounds like she resents any plans you have that don't include her (like you going to India.)

You don't sound selfish at all. Your mother sounds sort of unpredictable and negative. I agree that spending less time on the phone with her may be a good idea. Hanging up on her when she becomes abusive or says rude things about your plans is also an option.

You probably can't make your mother feel better when it comes down to it, no matter what you say. It's not your job. It's her job. I hope you can get back to speaking terms before the holidays, but don't feel guilty about this. She sounds a bit manipulative.