[H-H-H-H]

Isabel Sawhill discusses marriage in a thoughtful article here:

Longtime defender of marriage asks if we should try something else

My preference is a something akin to a rental agreement. The terms of the agreement may be as specific as desired. Prenuptial, separation and divorce agreements provide useful terms for the marriage rental agreement. The rental agreement could be updated, modified and enforced as any other contract.

The parties benefit by knowing at the start what is expected from them.

[JJBX]

I think it has a lot more to do with the way media portrays love and the ease of getting a marriage license. When you have people convinced that the fluttery, nervous feeling they get in their stomach is true love as opposed to the normal "sparkle" stage of any relationship, they can be led to make some stupid decisions. If you had to complete a 3-6 month relationship counseling class before you could legally get married, that might also give people more insight into how to negotiate in a relationship, what needs to be there for it to work, and if there are any big things to consider before they get married. Then, once married, I don't think most people are well-equipped to figure out how to disagree with a partner and how to resolve conflict. A lot of people seem to think that conflict in a relationship is abnormal and a sign that you can't be together anymore. So, I think it's more about unrealistic expectations fed by popular media and less of the practice of two people deciding to be monogamous for a while.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by H-H-H-H

The parties benefit by knowing at the start what is expected from them.

My wife and I had our expectations worked out before the wedding. Every marriage should have that or you're starting out in the hole. That's why there is counseling available for couples looking to get married.

Also, if someone doesn't want to get married. Fine. If they want to. That's fine too.

Finally, the article posted seems to indicate that marriage is necessarily supposed to entail responsible parenting. I also had to dig through the liberal/democrat/conservative garbage at the beginning.


So first, this liberal/conservative garbage needs to get thrown out. It has NOTHING to do with subject and is only a strawman argument.

Second, responsible parenting should occur REGARDLESS of marital status. Those do not go hand in hand.

Third, people should know their expectations before getting married and continue negotiations throughout their relationship. Not just "in five years" or whatever the contract says. Relationships don't work with only a job review every year, they function through hard work by both individuals every day.

Marriage, to me, is nothing more than a formal (and currently legal) public affirmation of the commitment two people have for each other. The relationship is what defines the marriage, the marriage doesn't define the relationship.

[H-H-H-H]

Thank you for your opinions, Webgoji. Consensus is not the goal of the thread.