[PineappleSky]

Hello,

I'm not exactly sure this is the right forum but i saw my ex-girlfriend yesterday and i believe she may suffer from some kind of psychological condition. She tends to see and look for the negatives in certain crucial areas of her life which hold her back from enjoying all of what life can give.

For example, she originally wanted to study psychology but decided not to, why? Because she was scared she would give somebody the wrong advice and they would kill themselves because of this. She argued that 'what if i told a woman to stand up to her husband? And her husband went crazy and stabbed her to death. How could i live with myself and that guilt?' - Rather than realising that she can't control everything and it would not be her advice that would have been the reason for this hypothetical woman's death, she firmly believes that she would be responsible. She also doesn't not account for the 1000's of people over her career that she would have saved or helped.

Another example is she does not want children. She loves other peoples children and is a wonderful Aunt to her nieces. However she doesn't want children of her own because she is worried that they may grow up depressed or unhappy and she doesn't want that responsibility or worry. She even worries that her children may be born mentally or physically ill.

Another element of her personality is that she hates dishonesty even if it's for a good reason. One day somebody on a train tannoy spoke "Good morning you beautiful people, i hope you have a wonderful day"... she disliked it. She felt the 'beautiful' comment was untrue because the person was not able to see everybody clearly, and she felt he didn't really mean for people to have a wonderful day - it was fake.

I imagine maybe something from her childhood/teenage years may be the cause of this. I know her parents divorced when she was 5, she had boyfriend issues in her teenage years and felt very depressed and angry at that age. She is also Ecuadorean and lived in a neighbourhood where robbery and crime is very, very common. She's 28 and studying in Leicester but i don't think she really acknowledges the affect her mindset is having on her life.

I don't know enough about what conditions there are out there so i was wondering if anybody had any idea and whether they would suggest for her to maybe see someone? I'm aware it would need to be her decision, i just care for her and wish she could live her life without seeing the worst case scenario in 70% of what she sees.

[curley]

Hi Pineapple......Wow What a downer. I refer to many people as beautiful. Especially friends. I will call them and say hey beautiful how are you today. Whether hey are beautiful inside or outside or both, that is what I see. And don't you know it makes their day! There is nothing wrong with being positive.
Obviously there are situations in our lives or others that are not positive and we need to face reality!
But... it is very sad to see that someone looks for the bad or sad before they see the good!
Sorry sweetie, I do not know what you call that condition, but it is not healthy you are right.
Good luck, I hope you can help your friend realize they have an unhealthy attitude.

[hvert]

That's really sad. I hope she sees the negative effect her thinking has. Depression comes to mind most quickly, but it's really hard to say why someone might have that kind of outlook. I think she can find coping tools in material relating to depression, like CBT, even if that's not exactly her issue.

The trouble is that there's no good way (that I know of) to convince someone that their perception of reality is harming them if they are not open to it.

[WrkNPrgress]

It sounds like she suffers from deep seated depression and anxiety. I've been there- thought not as bad (I hope). Basically it boils down to obsessive negative thoughts and anxiety.

I'm sorry your friend is so difficult but I imagine it's even more difficult to be her. That kind of perspective is like living in a dark cage. But she might also have some challenges that you can't be aware of. She might have a tough life as well. Has she ever spoken of being depressed or upset with her life?

It's not for you to 'fix' if she doesn't see it as a problem. I have friends who can be like this sometimes. I had to learn that Sympathy and Empathy are two different things. This is where compassion is the key. See if you can be mindful of your own needs while being present with her?