[corrida666]

I guess it's a story like many others. I'm actually embaressed of it, that I have those feelings for him though I shouldn't.
I met him during first year at the univeristy, we study together. I don't make friends easily, but with him it just clicked right away. I didn't know that he is gay, he's not showing it off. After about a month of hanging out and bonding a lot, he told me when we wre drunk at a party (I saw him kissing another guy). After that I cried for hours, listening to stupid Lana del Rey, and I had absolutely no idea why. Well, now I know. I think that I've been in love with him since the day we met. After his confession I (I guess) somehow hide my affection inside myself, cause I know that we will never ever going to be together, and didn't think about it for about two years. At the same time we became best friends. We are both rather weird when it comes to emotions and feeling, we keep them to ourselfes, don't show it to people, which is one of the main reasons we understand each other so good. We had so many adventures together, did a lot of strange things, drink&party, share everyday life, we hate the same people
He is the best what happend to me in whole life. I love him with every fiber of my body. I am jeleous about his boyfriends(though he've never been in a relationship longer then 3 months) and other close female friends that he has. Although I know that I am the most important of all people he has in life, he told me that and I did the same to him. I have this weird thing that I don't really like people touching me (unless I'm in a romantic relatinship of course), so I dont do this strange "hugging instead of saying hello" with Him. We generally don't touch each other, but we kissed few times when we were drunk. Sometimes I feel a sexual tension between us, but maybe it's only my imagination. I want to kiss Him, hug Him, have sex with Him. I know that my feeling are stupid and impossible, and I will NEVER ever tell him that I love him so much it actually hurts. I value his friendship more then some hypothetical reationship we might have.
Lately my feelings towards him became unbearable. I just can't stand it, I'm done, I love him and I can't have him, and it's such a cliche. And I can't live without him as a friend. I prefer to suffer and cry at nights, but then meet him for a drink and laugh our asses off and just be best friends, because we are just great together. Once ore mutual friends that it's such a pitty that he's gay, cause we would be the perfect couple(fortunately He haven't heard that).
We'll graduate in two years. After that I'm seriously thinking about leaving the country for a while, first of all for job reasons, but also to get perspective, a fresh view. If I'll stay here, I will never be really happy, though now it tears me apart when I don't see Him for three days.

This wasn't supposed to be soooo long. I just never told about it anybody. Also sorry for my English, it's not my first language. If anyone have some thoughts about my situation, don't hesitate to express it, I want to see other people's point of view.

[Slamjammer]

You know the relationship isn't going anywhere...at least not where you want it to go.

So, get a grip on your emotions and move on.

Greener pastures will be found at the right time for you.

[hvert]

My best friend in high school was always falling in love with gay guys --- it was kind of odd. She wound up marrying the brother of one of her gay crushes.

Some distance from your friend might help you get over him, even though it would be hard to do at first. I hope you feel better about this soon.

[ptangptang]

A close relationship like that is worth so much more than just sex. As close as a brother/sister relationship. So treasure that . Relationships like that don't come around very often. Just to give you a glimmer of hope. Is there any chance that he could be bisexual. I believe sexuality is a sliding scale and maybe he is predominately gay but you never know. What did he say when you kissed.

[corrida666]

Thanks very much for all the things that you all have written, you have no idea how it can help on a bad day.

I will treasure it. No, I honestly think he is very gay. And when we kissed, he said nothing, so did I. We've never talked about it again. But as I said, we were drunk while doing it, we didn't have "a moment" whatsoever.

I'm trying to keep some distance, not see Him every day. It's going fine I guess, though sometimes it makes me sick to my stomach. But well, what can I do.

[BobbyDavis]

Personally, I think you should distance yourself from him and here’s why.

My Wife fell in love with her gay friend when she was in high school and she really thought she could turn him straight but the closer she got to him the more it hurt her and all her friends tried to tell her tried to tell her she was wasting her time but she wouldn’t listen to them. He ended up moving away to Perth and he chose not to stay in contact with her because he knew she would always want to be more than friends with him and it was hurting her and she told me him moving away was the best thing for her.

It is up to you what you choose to do but unless he is Bi I can't see you changing this guy anymore than my Wife tried change her gay friend.

[hamster-bamster]

Yup, a tough one. But it is just one guy - it is not that you have a pattern of falling for gay guys. You are just in love with this individual person, so, hopefully, time+distance will heal this wound.

Have you been in love with a straight guy or has this been your only experience of the feelings of love so far? You are describing a very intense experience ("every fiber of your body") - that you are capable of such intensity of feeling and attachment is also a treasure in and of itself, and hopefully eventually that type of intense feeling will develop in you for a man who'd be available to reciprocate it.

[corrida666]

@hamster-bamster I had love experiences before, actually I'm a long-term relationship with a man. But that realtionship is a totally different story.

@BobbyDavis I don't want to change him or force him to anything, because I know it would make him unhappy and I can't let that happen.
My plan for know is to keep myself busy and not think about my feelings too much.

[corrida666]

Yay for me, I'm moving to another continent for few months. Hope to get a perspective. I'm considering of getting some professional counseiling there, I feel like I'm stuck with my life.