[tarderacs30]

Found out my boyfriend has been lying to me.

He is an American and I am an Asian. Met him year 2011 in another country we are both working at, been physically together for 6 months. Then we had to go home and promised to stay in touch. The first 6 months was rough for us we decided to part ways then got reunited after 8 months. That was last September 2013. Last March 2014, he came visit me in my country for a month. Also to meet my family and inform my parents of his intention of marrying me & bringing me to live with him in the States. He told me he will process all things necessary for me to be with him. And that he will hire & pay a visa specialist to help him do it since he don't know much about the process. It all made me felt confident and believe that his feelings & intentions for me is real. But just recently, I recieve a Facebook message from a lady claiming to be his 4th wife since 2008 but was told to be the 2nd wife and didnt found out till they seperated, (he told me he was married and divorced just once) and that they have a 4 yrs old son (he told me he only have one kid) and that he have another daughter that is about 23 or 24 yrs old now, sent me pics of him & her together and with him holding their supposedly baby in the delivery room. Said they've seperated last March 2012, not divorced, after him begging her to go marriage counseling, that he turned his back on their son & never helped support him at all for 3 yrs now, said don't want him back or anything & that she have no reason to lie to me & that she just wanted to give me information that he have issues & that he lied & cheat on her the entire relationship, that she just found out about me & that she couldn't keep quiet cause I deserve better. Of course I didn't believe her right away & asked for a documentary proof of their marriage, she said she will find it and will took a photo shot & will send it to me. But I never heard from her anymore. This has been over a week now. So I finally decided to block her from my Facebook acc. I did talk to my boyfriend about this right after I got that message asking him if its true and that why does she possess pictures of him. He denied knowing her & that he don't know why she have those pictures. He also ended up being upset about this. He said he is upset because I believe a stranger over him that's y I am questioning him. He said, "Why am I the one in question here & not her?", & "So if somebody come to you with this kind of info, you will question me?". Told me he have no reason to lie to me and that he told me everything I need to know about him. That I know his family, (he did introduced my to his mom and siblings thru Skype and whenever they have gatherings he Skypes me too, so pretty much all his immediate family knows me and i talked to them) That if hes married why would he come all the way accross countries to meet my family and asks to marry me. (He did show me when he came visit, a divorce decree from his previous marriage that he did inform me.) Told me that if he have a son with her, why won't he support him. He said he's not that kind of person to abandon his child. That if he also have a wife, why would he send money to me the entire time were together to support me and make sure im taken cared of. (Yes, he does takes care of me monetarily ever since were together) He told me I need not to listen to her and even block her account on my Facebook. He also said that there's people out there that will try and ruin our relationship for who knows whatever their reason is, possibly jealousy, because they see we are very happy. In the end of our conversation I chose to believe him. But I needed to know something else, so I sent the visa specialist a message thru email, inquiring how is the visa petition process going so far. The guy replied he is waiting for my boyfriend to confirm he received the signed documents from me. Those documents he meant was my biographical info and intent to marry with my signature needed for filing the visa petition and I sent it to him July last year. He confirmed to have received it and told me he send it to the visa guy later on that year. So I send another email to the visa specialist informing him I will remind my bf to resend it & asked what are the next steps after he received those documents. Visa guy replied, he don't need those papers, turns out that the next step is for him to actually file those documents to a USCIS center to request for my petition. Apparently he's been lying this whole time, about the paper processing and somehow the lady's information will add up as to possibly why it is what it is. I'm so confused and torn between my heart & my head. I don't know what to believe now. All I know is I love him so much, all this time I have been faithful. I trusted and believed him now I don't know what to do. Can anybody help me, talk sense to me here...?

[jelly-bean]

You are probably not going to like what I have to say but here it is. I think this guy is lying and cheating on you regardless of what he says. It is not uncommon to read posts like yours and I wish I had a better answer for you. From what you have said, though, if it were me I would walk away from the whole relationship. I hope that I am wrong and I wish you well if you stay with him.

He seems awfully defensive for somebody who doesn't know the lady. I don't know what he's doing on the other side of the ocean but you probably deserve a relationship with somebody who is willing to communicate like an honest, respectful adult.

[divine1966]

There are a lot of con artists out there, sorry he sounds like one. Get rid of him

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Rose76]

At the very least, you do not know this guy well enough to go making marriage plans with him. Knowing someone takes time spent together. A lot of the time since you met him, the two of you have been rather far apart . . . so that doesn't really count as time "together." As you say, you've been physically together for 6 months. You got a lot to learn about this guy. Meeting his family through "Skype" is not actually meeting his family. Slow down. You've been allowing him to rush things, and you've been rushing things. This is your future life that we're talking about. Employers put more effort into checking out the background of a job candidate than you've put into knowing this man.

Just stop thinking of him as your future husband for now. Think of him as someone you're dating to find out who he is. He may be a very slippery character. Maybe you already know enough to want to get out of this relationship. If not, then find out a lot more. See what kind of background check you can do of him on the computer. If he objects to that, too bad.

[tarderacs30]

Originally Posted by Rose76

At the very least, you do not know this guy well enough to go making marriage plans with him. Knowing someone takes time spent together. A lot of the time since you met him, the two of you have been rather far apart . . . so that doesn't really count as time "together." As you say, you've been physically together for 6 months. You got a lot to learn about this guy. Meeting his family through "Skype" is not actually meeting his family. Slow down. You've been allowing him to rush things, and you've been rushing things. This is your future life that we're talking about. Employers put more effort into checking out the background of a job candidate than you've put into knowing this man.

Just stop thinking of him as your future husband for now. Think of him as someone you're dating to find out who he is. He may be a very slippery character. Maybe you already know enough to want to get out of this relationship. If not, then find out a lot more. See what kind of background check you can do of him on the computer. If he objects to that, too bad.

Rose76,

Thank you for that input. You got me thinking there. I really appreciate it.