[BerthaL]

My ex and I are almost 17. After four months, he dumped me because he said he wasn't ready for a relationship.

I was SO SHOCKED because his behavior hadn't changed at all until the week before, when he couldn't hang out QUITE as often (but still did a fair amount) and was slightly less physically affectionate. Even up until MINUTES before the breakup he was still always texting me with interest in my life, opinions, saying good night, etc, and treating me with great chivalry and attention. I was recovering from surgery at that time so that behavior could've been out of politeness, but he'd always been that way after we became romantically involved and seemed interested in MANY things beyond my recovery.

I'm just so confused because he really seemed to be into even up to the end... but after the breakup I told him I deeply cared and he didn't either reciprocate it or deny he did too, just kept saying he was sorry but he wasn't ready (keep in mind this conversation was all over text). Maybe he didn't want to commit because we'd be forced to separate after graduation?

So either he stopped liking me, wasn't ready, or his parents influenced/forced him to end it. He's VERY DEPENDENT on them, LOVING them and allowing them to control essentially his entire life (i.e. where he goes, who his friends are, etc.). And they didn't want him dating.

Also wanted to add that due to mutual religious beliefs, sex was never involved (in fact, he was VERY shy/nervous about affection, especially PDA around his parents. It seemed I was more comfortable going further than he was).

But if he truly still liked me, would any of that had mattered? I told him I couldn't be friends, so we've avoided each other and he hasn't had a gf in the months since.

Please be honest. Thank you!

[jelly-bean]

I'm very sorry that your relationship did not work out. His parents may have influenced him some but if he really cared for you they would not have been able to stop him from seeing you. I have a 17 year old and a 15 year old in this house so I know what I am saying. You have lots of time to find someone who cares more than he did.

[eskielover]

I didn't vote because I didn't know what answer to vote for....just have some thoughts though:

You are young....there are many reasons he may have chosen to break up while still treating you nice.....some people just treat everyone nicely but it's not a sign of a close relationship.....they just care about people.

I'm sure he had a logical reason in his own mind for breaking up whatever that reason was. It hurts being on the receiving end of it....but at 17 you have a lot of life ahead & dating guys give you a much better view of what you really want in the person you will want to settle down with & it gives you a chance to learn what red flags exist that you want to stay away from. Look at it as a chance to continue your growth.

I had a long distance relationship my senior year of High School (when I was 17). I ended up allowing it to limit my having someone who was right there in my life......then that summer I got a Dear John letter letting me know that me met a girl & was getting married......at that point I realized that I was never going to let any guy control my life & that getting my degree & having a career needed to be my primary goal in life because that was in reality the only way I could be in control of my own life.

Life can be complex.....when you find the right person, it may become more obvious.....I ended up after a lot of dating still getting married to the wrong person because I stupidly didn't listen to the red flags that were flying & letting me know it was wrong & I even tried to make sure our values were the same....but he lied & didn't have the ability to communicate what his thoughts really were.

If the relationship had been right for both of you, you would still be in it but you can't force something to be when it's NOT RIGHT for both.