My father has stopped caring

A few years ago my father (early 50s) was made redundant from his job. He has been unemployed for over 3 years now and there has been a drastic shift in his behaviour towards my mother and my family.

He has become really awful to live with. He rarely goes outside and he sits indoors all day and does nothing to help - he wont even go the store when we run out of food. His temper is ridiculous, he can launch into a full blown shouting match over something as trivial as the milk running out, and he constantly seems paranoid that people are attacking him, becoming extremely defensive and nasty.

My mother works a full time job and is their only source of income, and she is nearly always ill these days because of stress. She badly needs to reduce her hours, but she can't because my father just wont look for another job or even support her. He seems to have resigned himself to living this way and it is impossible to talk to him about it, because he blames everyone else and is adamant that we are all against him. He can't stand being criticized.

He hurts my mother with his words. She often becomes upset and is clearly under a great deal of strain. What on earth is wrong with him and why is he doing his? It's like he's just given up, but even though he has every opportunity to change he just wont. The strain he's put on our family is enormous and I'm really worried about my mother and how unhappy she is. I just don't know what to do.

Hi Maya25

I am sorry to hear that you are going through some troubles at the moment.

It sounds to me as if there could be many possible things going on with your father right now that he may have to deal with.

Unfortunately it puts you in the difficult situation in that you are sitting by having to watch all of this happen and are feeling the effects of what he is doing.

It sounds as if his actions are not just unsettling to you, but to the rest of your family aswell.

Part of it may lie in the fact that he was made redunant, but where else it stems from, I am not entirely sure.

I hope for you and your family's sake that he is able to work through these issues so that you can experience peace.

That is one of the worst situations, because as much as you want to, you can't make someone else seek help for their problems. Your mother must really appreciate your support.

Does sound like a difficult situation to be stuck in the middle of. Home for three years unemployed certainly cannot be good for his self esteem, yet, it's on his shoulders to rectify that, as a responsible adult. I once worked for my states unemployment department during the first recession of the millennium. Similar happened to the same demographic. Many had to switch industries, sometimes settle for less than where they were, but a paycheck was better than no paycheck.
As far as your mom, granted it's tough being the sole breadwinner coming home to walk on a whole bunch of eggshells, but it's also up to her to put herself first, and deal headon with her marriage and decisions. Gently nudging her to a therapist, may help?

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