[muse]

This is a rant of no real consequence:
AUUUUUUGGGHHH... I miss him so much. I miss him and I have absolutely NO courage when it comes to just CALLING him because I'm so afraid of awkward moments, weird pauses, interrupting him in the middle of something, etc... the internet is so much easier, even though we've become so much better at avoiding those. I just wish he'd get online! I know that, most likely, if I call him he'll be doing nothing and we'll have a wonderfully long conversation and it'll be great, and I just want to know if he got my letter!!! :P Do they deliver mail on Good Friday?

You know that feeling you get in your chest and your throat? The physical part of missing someone? It's about two degrees away from pain. It's a yearning, and it's consuming. I can't sleep like this, not when you combine it with all the other anxieties that are building. I hate vacations. They give you false hope.

Okay, done now. Sorry for those of you who actually read through all this and are thinking "what is she complaining for? Yeesh." It's just me venting. Thanks.

[Rhapsody]

As I always say................................ VENT AWAY - then you will feel BETTER.

[muse]

Thanks much, Rhapsody.

[seeker1950]

Muse,
I don't know the history of your situation with this man, but what you describe, the physical part of missing someone, the hurt of not hearing from him.....How devoted and committed are the two of you? In my vast and unfortunated experience with this sort of thing, I no longer avail myself to it. It has literally taken me years to get past this sort of thing, particularly the endings of relationships.
Is this man someone with whom you feel there is a future?
Is he committed to a relationship with you? Does he treat you with value and respect? I don't know, so I'm asking.
Patty

[muse]

Yes, he does... and always has. We're both totally devoted to the other, at least in terms of being loyal and committed to a relationship with the other person. As to our "future"... all I can say is that I hope and pray I have one with him--he is truly an astoundingly good human being. Even if I was not in love with him, I could still see and be amazed at that. We're both only sixteen, so we understand that saying "forever" is getting a little (har har) ahead of ourselves... and yet, we say it, because for the moment, we mean it.

I was gonna delete this post, but you're making me think, and I love that. Thanks!

And actually, this brings up an excellent question--I know that everybody here has at least a few issues that they're dealing with, but what happened when you told your significant other? Was it worth it, and how did he/she react? I suppose this is more a question for those who can successfully hide their disorder(s)--I personally have never told a soul, save jokingly, and it's getting to the point where I don't think I can do this alone anymore (therapy doesn't seem to be forthcoming). I just don't want him to look at me/act condescendingly towards me. That would drive me nuts... but I don't know if telling someone would really help. Having been used for years as an unwilling "therapist", I absolutely REFUSE to hurt him/anybody else that way, and yet... GAH. So confuuuussseeeed....

many thanks,
~muse

[greenpunkergirl]

dude, I feel the same way if my male friend is not near........and I see him all the time. In fact I miss him right now......... le sigh. As for the new q, I never tell anyone about my depression issues. If they can't deal with it, then there was nothing there to begin with, cuz he didn't love me for me.

[muse]

It's not that I think he "can't deal with it". In fact, I fully believe that if I told him he would understand and try to help, etc. etc., but something my dad said to me whilst I was in a fairly abusive relationship applies here; "You are not a therapist, and you can't deal with all of her [my "friend's"] issues." Same goes for my boyfriend. I will never forget how much she hurt me by dumping all of her problems into my lap, and not only that, I honestly don't know that telling him would do any good. I don't know that he can help at all, but there are certain moments when I wonder if just letting somebody KNOW would make things better.

Bleh. Confuzzling, to say the least. Would you tell somebody about your issues during a good patch, or only in your worst moments?

questioning,
~muse

[tellybox]

(((((((Muse))))))))

Just went through a similar situation with my ex-girlfriend. I told her I was suffering through a deep depression; she reacted by leaving. To be fair, she was having problems of her own and with mine on top of them, it would have been too hard. I'm thankful to her for doing it, it's been the best scenario for the both of us in the long run. Will we ever talk again? Most definately. Will we ever go back out again? An uncertainty. The last 2 months of our relationship, we were both different people because of our problems that we may not be able to get past that.

My point is that it's hard telling someone about very personal problems, even more so when you're unsure about how they'll act. If you tell him and it's too much for him to handle, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you any less (in my opinion). If he can help you, all the better. If he can't, then you can do it alone. It can be done. Ask anybody on this board.

PM if you want to talk more about this....

Taylor