Hey there,

This may sound like a silly question, and intellectually, I already know the answer's yes, but I think I need to hear it from someone else..

I think my mum hates men, deep down.. And growing up, it was important that I pleased her, so I didn't dare argue with what she believes in. However, I'm now looking for reassurance for all the things I've always felt are right - right for me, at least.. And this is one of them!

Is it OK for me to like guys? I've always felt like I should hate them - but I don't!!! I do like them, I just can't help myself.. And I don't want to!

Of course it's okay for you to like guys. It's a shame that your mom's thoughts are affecting yours, but its how we are made. We develop feelings for other people. You are perfectly fine to like whomever you choose.

[Onward2wards]

I'm a guy, and I think some guys give the world every imaginable reason to hate them - they're just genuinely unpleasant people. This goes for either gender, some people just act toxic in different ways, for whatever reasons. However, the whole world isn't like that, and not everybody is pleasant or even understandable all the time.

Unless a guy gives you valid reasons to not like them, I'd say follow your feelings. It's necessary to develop your own beliefs. Feel and think what you wish to. Use observation and critical thinking skills. Developing your own beliefs is not an act of betrayal to your mum, or to anyone who thinks differently from you. As for how your mum feels and acts, maybe there is a reason behind it. Maybe she's been burned one time too many?

Thank you so much for your help! I really appreciate it

My mum's dad was a violent alcoholic - her experiences growing up sound like a horror story to me.. Then, she married a man, my dad, who - I don't know how else to put it - is either incapable or unwilling, or both, to love anyone. They've stayed together for over 40 years despite the fact that they seem to hate each other's guts..

I was pretty popular with boys in primary school - you know, teasing in the classroom and slow dancing in school discos Bless us..! However, I remember very clearly that at 13, I suddenly got this idea in my head that I was supposed to be 'attractive' to guys - and my confidence took a plunge. I was hit with such insecurities that I started to become more and more like a hermit as my teen years progressed. Never had a boyfriend, never even went on dates. I started to avoid any 'romantic' contact with guys because the mere thought filled me with dread.

I started therapy in my early 20s and now know that those insecurities are probably due to growing up with an emotionally completely closed off dad - even though he was physically present, he completely and utterly abandoned me emotionally. Actually, he never even wanted children in the first place. I also now know it's due to his hang-ups, but it still hurts, and building my own confidence with regard to romantic relationships is soooo hard..!!!

Originally Posted by Onward2wards

I'm a guy, and I think some guys give the world every imaginable reason to hate them - they're just genuinely unpleasant people. This goes for either gender, some people just act toxic in different ways, for whatever reasons. However, the whole world isn't like that, and not everybody is pleasant or even understandable all the time.

Unless a guy gives you valid reasons to not like them, I'd say follow your feelings. It's necessary to develop your own beliefs. Feel and think what you wish to. Use observation and critical thinking skills. Developing your own beliefs is not an act of betrayal to your mum, or to anyone who thinks differently from you. As for how your mum feels and acts, maybe there is a reason behind it. Maybe she's been burned one time too many?

Exactly.

+1