Need advice about work

My husband works for my dad and has for the last 3 years-- he does not have a college degree and so this has always seemed good for the time being because it pays decent. He gets frustrated at times due to the family connections and tension arises around our own home when this occurs. Bottom line is that he would like to start looking for a different job this summer. He would like to do something in the transportation industry (airlines, trains, etc) or groundskeeping and is open to many different things. However, it seems likely that there will be a pay cut if and when he leaves my dad's company. My dad has been very generous with bonuses and raises through the years and it would be nearly impossible to match that if he were to look elsewhere. We would do fine if there was a decrease in wages (to a certain extent) but part of me is scared of such a transition. Like any other job would be "risky" or "insecure". BUT I don't want my husband to feel stuck working for my dad forever either and I don't want my insecurities to come across to him and make him feel like no other job he'll do will be as good or as secure.

I think it's one of those things that I will worry about it until it actually happens and then things will probably work out ok. I also worry a lot about what my parents think- and I feel like they will think it is a bad idea for him to leave the company for a lower paying job even if it would make my husband (and in turn, me!) happier.

I have an advanced college degree and am the "breadwinner" and I think that my family wishes he were more career-driven and I was less. But I love my job, love to work, and neither of us believes money is the key to success or happiness and live very simply. I guess what I am trying to say is that they think more traditionally (women should work part-time if at all and the man should "support" his family) and we have something pretty much the opposite of that. We don't have kids yet but I worry about their judgement on all of this and more for when we do. In fact, feeling that there will be judgement such as this (i.e. "your going to send your kids to daycare!?" or "your husband is going to stay home part-time?!") is one of the things that sort of makes me hesistant to start a family..

Anyways, sorry to rant- I guess once I started writing about the job-thing, more underlying fears came out- but they are all somewhat related and any advice or kind works would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

In this day and age there are a lot of men that stay home and care for the kids while the wife is the breadwinner in the family. It's not as uncommon as you might think.

Would it be possible for your husband to take some online college classes to achieve even an associates degree in a field he is interested in? Maybe that would help him obtain another position with better pay and he won't feel like he's taken a step backwards.

I hope things work out for the 2 of you

Hugssssssss
J

Even though I often agree with Sabau, I'm not sure college is for everyone or that it needs to be. If this is what the dh (darling husband) wants, that's one thing. If he doesn't, that's another. Long-haul truckers make good money, but my brother says work is getting scarcer as gas prices go up. The airline industry is troubled; he will have to do his research about that. Lawn care can be seasonal, unless you live in a place where the climate is clement, such as parts of California, Arizona, and south Florida.

Defining personal identity separate from our families is challenging. They seem to sit like a committee that we carry around with us, constantly second-guessing us.If you are intensely affected by your family and society's judgments, you will have to figure out how to cope with that.

Finding inner peace when we are jangled by outside views can be quite challenging. It can take time to come to peace with decisions that go against the grain.

I wish you all the best with that.

(((((((((((((Tiodiwilli))))))))))

Thanks for the thoughts. Wants 2 Fly, you are correct in that college is not for everyone- and he is one of those people. It's tough- his true love (other than me!) is music and he is such a wonderful musician. I wish he could find his niche with that, but that is difficult to do. Anyways, I think the main problem is that I need to learn how to accept that our life and decisions may not always be what my parents would choose and that they (and others) may pass judgement, but that ultimately we can do what works for us. Getting over caring what my parents think of me is a huge struggle for me for some reason. I feel like I'm constantly trying to please them and do what I think they would think was the right and safe decision. I have to focus on decision-making with my husband and supporting his choices even if it does mean "going against the grain" and possibly taking risks in life- that's what life is all about, right?

Also, I know this is totally off-subject, and I've brought this up before, but I still carry a lot of guilt about an affair I had 3 years ago (before my husband and I were married) and for some reason I feel ashamed around my parents especially. I feel that if they ever knew, they would be sooo disapointed and think so differently of me. On the flip side, I constantly feel like I am hiding something from them. Anyways, I guess I'm just looking for some reassurance here that it is ok to not tell your family everything in your life and to keep some things to yourself. I guess I just don't know how to grow up and think independently.

Please help!

Please accept my regrets for spelling your name wrong in last post.

I honestly think you will feel it is easier to keep things from your parents as they age. My mother is in her 80s now, and there is no way that she is up to knowing about the details of my life: I try to protect her.

Is it possible that you can look at the information you withhold as you looking out for your parents? "Why confess my choices to them. They won't understand; it will only upset them, and so it's better that I protect them from that." You were a big girl when you had that affair, and although it might be upsetting to them, you had a right to experiment. I'll bet your parents haven't told your about all their indiscretions.

Thank you- it does help to look at it that way- protecting them. At the same time, I find myself withholding much of my life sometimes because I just don't want to be judged. By this I mean political views, going out with friends seperate from husband, staying up late, dreams, fears, etc. I just wish I felt strong enough to say, "Hey, this is me- I'm proud of who I am and who my husband is, and I hope you are too!"

Some people are so strong and wise- I just wonder how one gets to that point. How do people gain confidence?

Anyways, thanks again-