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Anonymous100130
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Default Feb 24, 2015 at 10:02 AM
  #1
I have a friend that I can't tell if she does not like me as much as I like her or if she just has problems being honest. Or if it is a combination of both. The reason she comes off this way is because she will make lame excuses as to why she wants me to leave her alone or ask me to leave her room over reasons that are very petty and trivial. Like for example, we will be hanging out and then she will start yawning in a very exaggerated way saying she is tired and wants to go to sleep, meanwhile it would be like only 7 or so at night and then the next day she will say she actually didn't go to bed until close to midnight or something. Or she will say she has to fold a small amount of cloths and she feels the need to have me leave just because she needs like 2 minutes to just finish folding laundry. Other times when she is upset or something she will say she wishes someone else was there which makes me feel like she really doesn't want me and also if she is hanging with someone else and we have plans to do something, she is always late and a couple times called off plans because she was with someone else. Makes me feel like she doesn't like me as much as others. Also at times I will ask if she has homework on a day she barely has anything to do or nothing to do and she will say no but then on a day when she has a ton of stuff to do and someone else asks her to hang out, she will say yes. It is like, what the heck. She knows that I feel like she really doesn't like me and she says she feels offended by that so I can't tell if she truly does not like me that much and is just putting on a front and making it seem like she is offended or if she just has problems with being honest. Like, instead of making a lame excuse for me to leave, just simply tell me she prefers to be alone for a bit or decides beforehand that she just wants to hang out with someone else for the night, which is fine. I am just so confused. Also when she is upset or down, I can always tell and I will ask if she is okay and she will say she is fine even if I ask her more than once, so I will leave afterwards and then later if I text her she will say she actually is down or upset and she never really was fine and it makes me feel bad since talking through text is harder than in person and she can be pretty nasty when she is upset or down. And then she will spill out her feelings of why she is down or upset, which is fine with me since I want to be there for my friends and appreciate it when others open up to me. So I can't tell if she is truly not liking me as much as she likes other people even though she claims she does really like me and says I'm one of her best friends or if she just has trouble with being honest. Just confused.
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scorpiosis37
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Default Feb 24, 2015 at 05:22 PM
  #2
I'm sorry, but it sounds like she is less interested in the friendship than you are. It sounds like she has difficulty with confrontation so, rather than tell you she doesn't want to hang out, she makes up these excuses. It would be nice if she could be more direct with you, but a lot of people are like this. They find it too hard to say "I don't want to hang out," so they make up an excuse. Do you have other friendships you can focus on instead?
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Default Feb 24, 2015 at 07:06 PM
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Originally Posted by scorpiosis37 View Post
I'm sorry, but it sounds like she is less interested in the friendship than you are. It sounds like she has difficulty with confrontation so, rather than tell you she doesn't want to hang out, she makes up these excuses. It would be nice if she could be more direct with you, but a lot of people are like this. They find it too hard to say "I don't want to hang out," so they make up an excuse. Do you have other friendships you can focus on instead?
I agree with this. In the past (mainly in my earlier years--jr high, high school) I had people do this to me. It's not very respectful to you, especially when you've asked directly for clarification. At the same time, it sounds like you may be projecting a certain lack of self-worth to her ("she knows I don't think she really likes me" etc), and that can turn people off sometimes, even if we are well-meaning and friendly in other ways. And maybe she knows that you don't feel very good about yourself and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

I think it is in your best interests to let this person go, and find people who treat you with respect and want to be around you. If you feel like you don't have other friends (I've been there before as well), then I encourage you to build yourself up. It's very important to like who you are and to like spending time with yourself. As cliche as it sounds, if you don't like being with yourself, no one else will like being with you either. When someone gave me that exact advice, I was in a place where I hated being alone because I was so bored and lonely, and I hated who I was. Now I actually prefer it, haha. I still struggle with self-worth and loneliness, but I like hanging out on my own, at least.
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Default Feb 24, 2015 at 08:32 PM
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Originally Posted by scorpiosis37 View Post
I'm sorry, but it sounds like she is less interested in the friendship than you are. It sounds like she has difficulty with confrontation so, rather than tell you she doesn't want to hang out, she makes up these excuses. It would be nice if she could be more direct with you, but a lot of people are like this. They find it too hard to say "I don't want to hang out," so they make up an excuse. Do you have other friendships you can focus on instead?
I agree and also when I do confront her, she gets really mad saying that it is not true and she does like me and gets defensive. Confusing.
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Default Feb 24, 2015 at 09:38 PM
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Originally Posted by ryanLRC2015 View Post
I agree and also when I do confront her, she gets really mad saying that it is not true and she does like me and gets defensive. Confusing.
It's definitely confusing, but that is how some people who are really conflict averse handle things. You kind of have to go with her actions instead of her words.
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