[donna450]

My bipolar rapid cycling came full force when I got a full hysterectomy. I was 30. We had adopted two girls...sisters..21 months and 34 months old in 1980. Along with my husband and children I was cruelly emotionally abusive for too many years until our girls left the house at 18.. my husband defeated and a workaholic dealt with the abuse by emotionally withdrew from me. I was in therapy until in and out for close to 20 years. My meds were always changing for many years until I had etc in 1996...and began t he road to recovery. I was " in love" with T. I was so emotionally devastated and he provided the release of emotions. I saw him off and on for a almost 10 years. But as I got stronger he became a understanding friend that I had never really had. I think of him but over the years I tried to make amends but both my daughter's are seldom there and my husband acts being close but still his mind and heart is faraway for me. I just had something like open heart surgery and was in hospital for 11 days he came each night for about 15 min. I am home and the next day he went to work didn't call once.. I told him I was very hurt..he said he was busy all day and didn't give me a thought all day. So that's where it's at right now. We've been married for 46 yrs. I keep trying to put some spark in our marriage but to no avail. We may love each other but not in love. We stay away from talking to each except hi and bye. He asks what's for dinner or what movie I want to see. He doesn't want to connect with me emotionally bc I had hurt him so much...marriage counselling? Idk? Confused and try to reach out but he won't even carry on a conversation but laughs and jokes around instead of saying what he might be feeling...

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[kaliope]

i think marriage counseling would be a good idea. if he is not willing to talk to you and there is so much hurt for so many years, it may be too complicated to handle without a professional if he finally does let loose. how would you cope if he let all those negative feelings out in an inappropriate manner? even if it doesnt make it better, saying what lies beneath and being able to make amends for whatever he feels the damage you have caused will bring you peace.