[seasonalflow]

I wanted to share this matter to see if others have had similar things happen to them. Have you ever noticed how some people in particular can really make you more vulnerable to your feelings than others? For me personally it is my family. I can be so calm with my life, but when I receive some kind of contact from my brothers or sisters who I don't particularly like, I find I can get so defensive internally and angry. It is so odd because I am normally cool calm and collected and when things get too much I can see a psychologist which is helpful, but when contact is made from my family, even just an email, I feel like running as far away as I can, I just want them to go away and leave me alone, it really induces a fight or flight mentality. Seeking some support on this by asking if others out there have similar reactions from certain people in their life, does not have to be family, just a person or group of people that can really get you off guard.

[einsam]

Yes.

I think my mother is to this day disappointed that she wasn't able to raise me to be afraid of black men and all people of Middle Eastern descent the way her mother did.

However, I suspect her of having a severe personality disorder of some variety. She's highly neurotic and would play us for sympathy on such adult topics as money and the workplace even when we were 10 years old, used to forget many things about me such as what paths I'd like to walk home on (and still never remembers what foods I do or don't like... I remember hers), and twice married into psychologically and physically abusive relationships.

When my brother confronted her about the effect her choices had on us during lunch a few years ago, I found out because she came to me expressing how terrible it was that her children would judge her and telling me how she almost started crying in the restaurant. Somehow she's always a victim and always needs our sympathy and understanding. She'd play up our mental health or disabilities to people, too, and I was always terrified of who around town knew of my problems in school, my medication, or anything else.

My father apologized face to face for being physically violent in our youth and has been very active in our lives. He's the only parent I feel I have a relationship with, can be myself around, and can at all show weakness to because I'm afraid of what my mother would do with it... assuming she remembered I'd said anything at all.

I'm also used to people telling me how nice she is and how well she means when I speak up, so I learned to not talk to anyone about the way I was treated at home by the time I was 16. Instead, I drank and smoked pot with friends at age 13 but eventually stopped both. I'm glad that was only a temporary escape and comfort.

[peaceseeker63]

Yes, I have a similar issue. Contact with my older sisters usually turns out badly. I don't know what causes this, maybe we just push each other's buttons? I sometimes wish we could all go to therapy together and work it all out, but this isn't practicle or realistic. I don't have any answers for you, but you are not alone in this!

[divine1966]

For me it is my dad. My t says it is ok to limit my interactions with toxic people.

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[ohwellthen]

I feel this for sure. Honestly, I generally find this to be a result of them making you feel inferior because of self-esteem issues of their own... It's much harder when it's a loved one or someone you're kind of required to spend time with (family member, co-worker), but I found the best thing for me was to try and limit my time with them as much as I could and find a "quick-fix" that helps me to shake that vulnerability feeling, like other people or activities that restore me to my proper self.

[Jada1648]

I have a homeless sister who lives in her car and won't help herself, just waits for people to help her. She is 60. Some days I freaking hate her for all the b.s. She has thrown to her son, father, friends, family....but I worry about her in the middle of the night, I do throw her money, have let her stay here, and she does not do anything. She is a drama queen, all about her. I don't think I have ever heard her ask me how I am! She is toxic to me but my sister as well. Confusing to me cause of the "support your family" stuff.....
Talk about angry....we have had righteous screaming matches....so conflicted....I understand how you feel.