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s4ndm4n2006
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Default May 01, 2015 at 11:39 AM
  #21
Quote:
Originally Posted by pierrek View Post
Thank you for your reply,

I do not need therapy, because I see good in everyone, I am sure she will get better in the long run. but I am confused and reading other comments on this forum , is helping me a lot .
it's good to see good in everyone and potential but that potential is many times never fulfilled because the other person is never motivated to reach it. By not doing anything to stop the abuse of her child for one (reporting her) and hoping she will 'get better' it's not only magical thinking, it's also enabling her to continue on the path to destruction. it's great that you can see past her faults but these behaviors are not only affecting you but a child who is dependent on her for protection and security.

The fact that she put her 10 yr old, defenseless child out at midnight says to me that she is a dangerously abusive person and does not deserve to have her child let alone be in a relationship with a caring man.

that you do NOT need therapy, I question it because your attachment and your hanging onto the idea that she'll get better is clearly unhealthy and you should want to find out the roots to why you want to hang on such a bad relationship.
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Default May 01, 2015 at 12:02 PM
  #22
you need to stay away from her. please try your best to stop yourself when you feel like talking to her again
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Default May 04, 2015 at 08:21 PM
  #23
Hello

I am back with her ,I might have stockholm syndrome or I do not know what I am doing .

I will keep you updated if anything happens.

Thank you for everyone , that has helped
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Default May 30, 2015 at 10:49 AM
  #24
My girlfriend tells me 2 hours before I get a train not very sure if I come it will be good because her daughter is in a mood , but me and the daughter are getting on well now , then she said come over , Very complicated relationship and I just listen. And apologize if she's sad to make her calm and she's a bit of a drama queen

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tearsinabottle
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Default May 30, 2015 at 12:01 PM
  #25
It may sounds like she is borderline, its a personality disorder. Borderlines changes from hot to cold, I think. But its for certain she is mentally ill in some way. I would also say that to throw her daughter out is abusive.

I would advice you to try say to her that things need to change and needing therapy, maybe not just for her but for you too. Hanging onto unhealthy relationships are something we do when we have FOO issues. Some may not have FOO issues, but many has. I have FOO issues and I held onto abusive relationship because I thought the man would change. It never happened because they were sociopathic/narcissistic/abusive.
Borderlines I dont know if they can change, I guess borderlines have genuine feelings but they cant control the hot and cold. I dont know.

I would advice you to tell her things must change and keep yourself out of the relationship until you see a change, if that ever will happen. It may happen only if she agrees.

You must be very hurt by how she treats you, breaks up with you, keep you hanging, its not fair you be treated like this. Abusive relationships are damaging to your soul and well being and self esteem.

I know how hard it is to get out from an abusive relationship, but I do hope you will take all the good advice you have gotten from everyone here and take care of yourself and your son. I do hope this womans daughter will get a safe home, because right now it seems like child abuse.
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Default May 30, 2015 at 12:10 PM
  #26
The daughter of my girl friend as let me into her life more and more , I just don't want to leave this relationship , I think it will be my last one , it's strange I have been writing on here , but I am sure she will change ,, some days are ok ,,, thank you for your advice , let's see how the next few days go

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Default May 30, 2015 at 12:17 PM
  #27
Ok, I hope the best for you, and I think if she does the same again I would reconsider the relationship. Sometimes we dont leave the relationship and wait it out up to 7-9 times,7-9 rounds before we leave or have had enough. I did that with my xboyfriend.

I do hope things turn out better for you. Keep us updated.
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Default Jun 17, 2015 at 08:24 PM
  #28
Hello

It is 10 months since I have been with my girlfriend, not much has changed, she is still the same, but I am writting to say , I have noticed something about myself, I am becoming more tolerant, calm and thoughtfull a lot more than before.

I never used to cry in realtionships but I do with her, because sometimes it is very hard to be abused a lot . But then after I feel like I have lost a lot of tension .
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Default Aug 27, 2015 at 05:48 AM
  #29
Hello

It has been 1 year I have been in the realtionship, and my girlfriend , 10 days ago told me iy is finished, she argued with me and I stayed cool.

But yesterday she sent me a msg and I told her what I thought.

I feel relieved also very disappointed it did not work, since this was my 1st relationship in 8 years .

I just need to get back to my old life, where i was a happy go lucky character and travelled a lot enjoyed myself.

I wish to thank everyone that helped in the chat rooms and forums.

I will still stay in the forums and chat rooms because I have learned so much

Thank You!
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Default Aug 29, 2015 at 05:09 AM
  #30
You're in an a
toxic relationship and you'll have to not just ask yourself why but figure out how it is serving you and if that service is worth the drama.
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Default Aug 29, 2015 at 06:17 AM
  #31
Good for you for ending it and moving on but if she is still abusing her child you need to report her for the child's sake

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Default Aug 29, 2015 at 08:13 PM
  #32
Thank you rouge , I am missing her but this could be because I was used to her and mauve i miss the sex, her and feel like this is my last chance to have a realtionship, I don not know why I miss her and I hace these loniless feelings and feel like I hace lost a lot. I should be happy , but I am not
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Default Sep 03, 2015 at 07:59 PM
  #33
I was in that realtionship,she finished it and said she never loved me and detestes me but its finished and it hurts, I feel down and depressed . strange I should feel this way
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Default Sep 03, 2015 at 08:07 PM
  #34
Personally, if I were you and she tried to throw me or a child out even if for only 30 minutes, I would pack my bags, give her the finger, and leave forever taking the child with me while on my cell phone in my car smiling as I call 911 to report her for abuse and child neglect.

You deserve better man. Don't take this kind of abuse from anybody.
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Default Sep 29, 2015 at 09:35 PM
  #35
It has been over 1 month now, I am feeling good, my ex contacted me with a strange sms text saying 'monday' , I replied back what do you mean, she said " send it to the wrong person".

But that is it , Somedays I think about her but then I think of the strange times wth her.

I miss her daughter we was getting on well in the last few weeks.

I am happy go lucky at the moment but that is because I got a bonus at work and planing a holiday away to Japan for 1 week at christmas.

Been really busy with my son playing soccer , swimming and surfing , but I need to start some programmes without my son .

Once again thank you for everyone that helped and listened , It was a great experience .

Last edited by pierrek; Sep 29, 2015 at 09:40 PM.. Reason: did not finish
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Default Oct 03, 2015 at 08:06 PM
  #36
Today, I had a 5 sec cry no idea why
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Default Oct 03, 2015 at 10:37 PM
  #37
We all cry at times. Hang in there.

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Default Nov 01, 2015 at 04:16 PM
  #38
Sent her a msg today saying I will
Never contact. You until you do , and telling her I still have love for her , and I promised , so that's it

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Default Nov 01, 2015 at 06:37 PM
  #39
I've read through this thread from start to finish. My thoughts: What she does to her daughter (throwing her out in the middle of the night, and probably plenty of other instances of emotional/mental abuse) sounds exactly like what my mother used to do to me from the time I was 7 years old until child services was finally involved when I was 15. It creates an incredibly invalidating and insecure environment for the child, and I absolutely believe that authorities need to be involved. No one is protecting this child or giving her a consistent sense of security, and I can tell you from personal experience that will have an effect on her which will take years to undo if she can ever undo it.

I know we can't really diagnose someone based on second hand information (that, and we're not therapists), but she does sound like she has borderline personality disorder which is what my mom's diagnosis was. In which case, without any shred of therapy, this will not change. The cycle will just continue with you being on the losing end, regardless of how hard you try to make it different. I'm sorry to be blunt, but I feel for you and for her daughter.

A previous poster was upset that we were advocating for you to abandon someone with a mental illness. Well, when that person has no desire or plan to change, what course of action is there besides being dragged into the vortex with that person? When I was with my ex-fiance, his close friends encouraged him to leave me and I was incredibly upset. Now, over 10 years later, I get it and I don't blame them. There was no winning solution. We'd been through trying to make things work. I wasn't interested in change at that time. Sometimes people have to cut their losses, and take care of themselves rather than martyr themselves.
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Default Nov 01, 2015 at 07:22 PM
  #40
Sorry if anyone said this already but is she bipolar? It sounds like drama I would cause in my self medicating/drinking days (minus the children being present, that's a no no)

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