[yunomi]

I'll try to put this as short as possible. So i have this male best friend since elementary school. We often talked about various things and were always playing together since 1st grade till 9th grade. We went to the same middle school due to pure coincidence then i had no idea how but we stayed in touch through high school till now. Now he's living in different town (so far from mine) but we still often talk via social media and mobile chatting application, thus we have each other phone number. He's a good guy and i admit i'm glad to have such a good friend for a long time. You know, it's not easy to maintain friendship nowadays when anyone can just disappear anytime.

Nah, one thing bothering me is that he's kinda "lazy-to-think" person. He prefers to ask me about anything he actually can just google it himself. At first i thought it was okay so i'd teach him but now he's kinda clingy and dependent to me, expecting me to be the answer of all his questions. On the other side, i knew he has no one else to be asked about those questions since among all his friends, i'm the most expert about that major. I'm fine if he asks after he tried and still couldn't find the way but this one he's just asking for the final result without even try to solve it alone.
Once i said "Why don't you try it yourself before asking me?" and he said "No i can't, so what's the answer?"
Well, i lose nothing by giving him the answer but it kinda s*cks knowing he doesn't bother to make an effort himself.

I'm confused.. what should i do? I don't want to lose him as a good friend but i don't want to spoil him all the answers either, knowing it'll slowly turn him into a spoiled brat and oh it's not good for him. We chat almost everyday and he knows me so well so he'll notice there's something wrong if i suddenly "gone" even just for one day.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi yunomi

My personal interpretation is this.

He is quite dependent on your input.

He sees you as being very trustworthy.

And he has a lot of faith in you.

There's are very real and very important qualities in any relationship.

You are now given the opportunity to help him spread his own wings.

He may be experiencing some emotional difficulties interpreting how wonderful he is.

I am sure that he is quite capable of googling the answers.

So possibly one of two things is happening here.

He may just be a bit lazy.

I mean if he asks you and you just tell him wow well that's easy.

And I am glad that you have already suggested to him well why doesn't he google it first?

On the other hand, there is the possibility that he is unaware of his own capabilities and does not realise that he can be wonderful too.

Maybe he has not received particularly good grades on something in the past and is afraid of this occuring again?

Or maybe he has set very high standards for himself?

I am unsure.

But whatever is causing this behaviour - yes, for YOUR own sanity here - guide him so that he approaches it differently.

Tell him this.

You will review his responses / what HE has googled once he has done so.

Only then will you be happy to assist him once he has tried.

You are now no longer playing the role of mamma bird feeding her chicks in the nest because they are utterly dependent entirely on her for existance.

With you nurturing, you have now empowered your friend to leave the nest on his own.

As he flies down you will fly along beside him, watching him from the side.

If you see him start to swoop down too quickly, you will quicly swoop your wings beneath him and catch him before he falls.

[yunomi]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

So possibly one of two things is happening here.

He may just be a bit lazy.

I mean if he asks you and you just tell him wow well that's easy.

Actually i never tell him the answer directly, i just simply give some clues for him to solve it but in the end he keeps asking the actual answer.
Lazy or he's really not capable to think that far, i'm not sure either because only in this case he's so dependent on me. As far as i know he's hardworking enough to handle everything himself. So i was surprised to see him like this

Originally Posted by Hooligan

Tell him this.

You will review his responses / what HE has googled once he has done so.

I did this all the time but he didn't get it.

Thank you for the suggestion anyway