[Shadix]

I live with my family, and my 18 year old brother is in college and lives in the dorms, but comes home every once in a while. He is home for spring break now. I don't know what his problem is, but he has this habit of getting pissy and starting **** with mom for stupid reasons. Last night she wanted us to get something to eat so she implied she wanted to eat too, but then only asked him to get something small for her, so he started accusing her of not actually being hungry and lying about it because she wants us to get something to eat. He started sitting around acting pissy and being an all around jerk. Eventually my mom started getting upset too and telling him he shouldn't be getting pissed off about such a thing. He started saying how he's pissed off because she always does this and how she doesn't listen to him and isn't being honest, bs like that, I'm pretty convinced that's not what it's about and he has some deep seeded issue and wants to create drama. Anyways, he wouldn't let it go and my mom ended up getting pissed off too. Today my mom sat in her room all day and didn't speak to anyone, even turned her phone off. Not sure if my brother apologized or what, but I heard him talking to her in the morning and they yelled at each other for a bit. My guess is that he tried to talk to her and she is refusing to let it go.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. My brother behaved like a self-centered jerk and I am really pissed off at what he did, but today he was being nice with me and I just can't bring myself to be mean to someone who is not being mean to me, it just feels like it would be cruel. So I pretty much acted normal with him like nothing is wrong between us. I always do this. Am I doing the right thing? Should I not care about being cruel and just be mean to him when he's just asking me if I want to play video games? I don't know if I am capable of doing that.

[shezbut]

While I don't think that you should get involved with the drama between your brother and mother, I also don't think that you should repress how you are feeling inside.

Depending upon the type of relationship that you have with your brother, you could come straight out and ask why he was being so snooty to your mom yesterday. Or, tread more lightly. Like: "You seem a lot happier today. Was something bothering you yesterday?"

[cakeladie]

I have a daughter who is 18 she will be 19 in June. She is also in college. I noticed and so did everyone else that when she turned 18 she changed. She thinks she knows it all and is always right. She is hardly ever home now. She has a boyfriend that is no good and uses her. From what we have heard from our friends who have gone through this it's the age.

When you turn 18 you think you are an adult and know everything. I know what your mom is feeling because it seems that I can do nothing right according to my daughter. We used to be very close but when she turned 18 that was it.

Also think of this, he is away from home and he might be scared some. Give it some time and give your mom some extra hugs. She is more then likely feeling that she did something wrong and if your brother is yelling and arguing with her she more then likely feels or is thinking "what did I do wrong". If what our friends say is true things will calm down. Just try and be extra nice to your mom. It's hard watching your kids grow up and leave and no longer need you.

Just be yourself. If he wants to play a video game with you and you want to play then do it. But if he starts to act mean then just walk away. Arguing with him will only upset you and your mom.

Take care

[divine1966]

Is he stressed in college? First year away from home might be stressful.

I have unorthodox suggestion. You start planning on moving out then you don't need to be on their drama

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[Shadix]

Honestly I am just as angry at my mom. Something I should point out is that he definitely gets his behavior from her. When we were younger, she would do the exact same thing all the time. She would get angry over something meaningless, for example someone spilling food on the floor, and she would take out her anger on all of us. As we got older, she stopped doing that, and first my other brother would do the same thing. He eventually grew out of it, and now my youngest brother has taken his place. When my brother does it, she will often just let it go, but when she is pushed over the edge, she will start getting really hateful, like now. Yesterday he tried to act normal with her like he did with me, and she continued to be mean. Today he went back to college and she is still acting cold. I understand that he was being a jerk, but I think she is taking things too far. I personally have never been able to understand how a person can continue being mean to someone who is trying to be nice and patch things up. And when it's a mom doing that with her son it just seems very wrong to me. Not to mention the fact that she has done this kind of thing for years, how can she judge him for it?

As for my brother, it's mainly the fact that he should know how mom is, and therefore should realize that throwing tantrums is liable to cause a huge problem for everyone. But despite this, he continues to do the same thing. I don't know if it's that he can't control himself or that he doesn't think or what. I keep my anger bottled up all the time, for purpose of not causing these problems, so why can't he do the same? It's like the whole universe revolves around him and his stupid emotions. It's not like he even has any reason to be angry: he is in college, getting good grades, meeting girls, enjoying the social scene. I would kill to have a life like his. But that's not good enough for him, he has to come here and create drama so I have to suffer emotional distress.

Yes I do intend on moving out one of these days. I am so sick of dealing with this ********.

[divine1966]

Perhaps they argue because they are very much alike.

You can't change them. Focus on your own life

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[Shadix]

Apparently they did start talking again before he left. That's good at least. But my mom is acting moody and depressed still. She has had her phone turned off since yesterday. Whenever someone is like this it feels contagious to me, I just feel unhappy and uncomfortable sitting around with them.