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#1
Apr 11, 2015, 04:13 PM
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Well I started dating 2 months ago a woman in her mid 20s (I'm 10 yrs older) and she became pregnant. When I first asked about her relationship history, she told me that she 1. had never lived with a man 2. sometimes lost interest in men or 3. found men cheated on her. Also that she had never really been in a long-term relationship (over 6 months). Since our work schedules conflict (I work days, she works nights), we see each other about once a week. I noticed a loss in love and intimacy (kissing, hugging, touching, etc.- and that it started to feel empty and unloving), so I took steps to find out why. First I noticed she has several female friends she would rather confide with than me, and 1 male friend who she seems to adore, and also something unsettling early on- that she would get phone calls very late at night (3am) and not answer- this was when I was allowed to spend the night at her place. What happened between that is, I started to try to find out if possibly she was cheating- so one morning, after losing significant sleep, I decided to show up at her apartment early on to see if she was there- her roommates (a couple), were leaving for work- they let me in and for some strange reason, when I got to her door, I took out my cell phone and tried to text instead of just knocking on her door. Then I did something else crazy- I put my ear up to the door to listen in, because I heard sound coming from the room. I'm not sure if I was thinking she could be cheating, or if I just wanted to see if she was awake and moving about, since it was early, but at that exact moment her roommate came back and saw me putting my ear up to the door, and ever since I have not been allowed back. I do understand it was weird, and my thoughts have been racing all over the place but now, it just feels out of place that my pregnant gf will not allow me to see her at her place anymore, and that its at the discretion of her roommates as to whether I am ever allowed back. I also asked her the other day if she loved me, and she told me she cares about me, but she hasn't had time to develop those feelings and that my jealousy is driving her away. So, I've decided to step back and analyze my behavior and respect her needs, but it still feels like something is not right. I would appreciate any thoughts and feedback to help improve my situation. Thanks.
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#2
Apr 11, 2015, 11:38 PM
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Are you sure the baby is yours? Could be she trying to pin it on you. Also how soon after meeting you had sex? It's been only 2 months and she is already pregnant? What about birth control?
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#3
Apr 11, 2015, 11:47 PM
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Whoa! 2 Months is warp speed! I think any child deserves a mom and a dad, but I don't agree with forcing a situation into being something more than it should be.
Are you latching on to her because you actually like her or because she is now with child or because you simply want to be with somebody (anybody)? |
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#4
Apr 12, 2015, 06:06 AM
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Quote:
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#5
Apr 12, 2015, 06:17 AM
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I forgot to mention, she found out she was pregnant while going in to have a birth control implant inserted. Our plan was for her to immediately go on birth control- but Kaiser took 2 months to make an appointment, since they require a pap smear before that. I'm a little upset at their system taking so long and how her insurance wouldn't just provide birth control within a week or two.
No, I'm not latching, I really do love her. If I am latching its because I do want to have a family with her and know she is someone I can stay committed and faithful to for the duration. I am lonely and think I'm at a point in my life where I want marriage and a long term relationship. I wouldn't take anybody, but I would take a woman who I have sexual attraction to, and also is somewhat mentally stable. My ex's include a bipolar and manic depressive- I realize nobody is perfect, myself included. I have social anxiety and low self esteem for example. I just want to move forward with this relationship. I know I'm moving too fast, and now I have to step back and just let it be what it is. It's just ridiculous- she doesn't call or text me anymore, but she does pick up the phone when I call, and text back sometimes. I really don't want to be treated like she doesn't care- and that worries me. |
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#6
Apr 12, 2015, 10:09 AM
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You can't have a relationship if you are the only one who wants it. The whole story sounds fishy to me
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#7
Apr 13, 2015, 10:07 AM
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I'ld definitely say that something is not right . . . a number of things. What you did in going to her place was out of line.
On the other hand, you had reasons to not trust her. If a young woman has a real tight friendship with a single guy whom she seems to adore, then I would not consider her truly free and available. Why she doesn't answer her phone is really her business. Young women calling each other in the middle of the night is not that unusual. But it very well could be a male friend. Again, I would not consider a girl who gets 3 a.m. phone calls from another guy to be truly free and available. It's really a shame you guys are pregnant after only 2 months. You do know that this could mean you sending a check to her every month for the next 20 years. Don't assume she'll want to marry you, or that it would be a necessarily great idea, if she did. It sure doesn't sound like she is in love with you. If this pregnancy lasts and she has a baby, I would advise you to get a paternity test. You might want to step back and cool your heels for awhile. Also, step back and see how interested she really is in being with you. I'm sorry for your situation, which I think is really unfortunate. BTW, she may or may not be pregnant. You wouldn't be the first guy who got told a tall tale. My guess is that she isn't even pregnant, but is playing a mind game with you. However, it is possible that she is. You should demand proof. You have every right to be given some. (It's not hard to get.) If she hems and haws about giving you the proof, then I would cut this relationship off. That would mean she is playing a nasty game with you. Usually, a girl who becomes pregnant by a guy she has only known 2 months would be very, very upset . . . unless she was madly in love with the guy. Even then, it would be a very irresponsible position to be in. That's another thing. At the very least, she is not sounding to me like a person who has not got her head screwed on right. I would say, step back . . . way back . . . and see what she does. None of this sounds good. |
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#8
Apr 13, 2015, 01:35 PM
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Her lax attitude about pregnancy sounds fishy. Unless she plans to terminate or already did none of her behaviors Make sense
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#9
Apr 14, 2015, 12:17 PM
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Last night I blew up. 2 days ago she was asking for some food money to last her a few days because she overdrew. Well... I gave her $60 for some groceries. Two days later, she said her sister had said I should have given her the full amount she asked for $~100, to bring her balance back up. Last night she said instead of coming to see me she would go ask her father for the money, since she overdrew up to $200- so basically she is asking for a loan but, truth of the matter, I have no idea if I'd be getting it back. Anyway, she makes very good money working at Disneyland- but can't handle her money. Even though she shows me her negative balance, I have a hard time believing she spends like that, but she does. Anyway I exploded and told her I'm tired of being treated like a dog- she basically asked me to drive to her place to drop it off- not even bothering to come see me. Anyway, she thinks I'm crazy (and I may be after dealing with her), and so does her roommate, who now sees me as a threat. I didn't give her any money and told her I'm going to see a therapist and won't be contacting her until I get better. I just don't know what to do, but I can tell the relationship is about over.
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#10
Apr 14, 2015, 05:40 PM
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Yeah, don't need someone that can't let the account overdraw until next source of income and can't satisfy on grocery priority. Good idea to seek help while making up your mind. You reserve the right for paternity testing if she comes asking for child support. Life would be peachy-keen if all parents got along, yet, it is what it is. Sounds too stressful
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#11
Apr 14, 2015, 07:14 PM
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Do not have sex with this girl again. Stay completely away from her, as you are talking about doing. I don't believe she is pregnant; and I don't believe you're the first guy she's pulled this charade on. This is one of the last girls around that you would want to have a child with. Don't worry about that $60 you forked out to her. You'ld be real smart to not even try getting it back. Consider it payment for a valuable lesson learned. Don't give her another dime.
Contact with her will bring you nothing but grief. Avoid her. If she contacts you again bringing up pregnancy, ask for proof and tell her you will demand a paternity test, if a child appears that she claims is yours. If you keep away from her, she'll move on to her next victim. She's not treating you like a dog, but like a "mark," a con artist's target. |
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