[xhndth22x]

Every so often I begin a new relationship with great excitement. I bond well with my partner for a little while, and then like a switch, I become almost entirely disinterested and want to get out of the relationship. I started dating someone a few months ago, and things started out great, and went well for a while. However, as we look forward to summer, we both have separate summer plans. As I began to think about it, I have had mixed feelings about what to do. Some days I feel like I want to make the best of it and hold onto the relationship, and other days I feel like I need to cut ties so I can focus where I am. No matter what though, I always enter relationships with great intentions and excitement, however, I haven't been able to last more than 3-4 months. This is my third serious relationship, and I am beginning to worry that I have some problem with staying committed. I want to fix this, and be able to commit longer, and have better relationships. Has anyone else dealt with this?

[Crazy Hitch]

Hello xhndth22x

Thank you for introducing yourself to us. This is a great place to be for online support.

How To Overcome Your Fear Of Commitment | World of Psychology

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[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central, xhndth22x. Sorry you are suffering from disappointments in your relationships. Having unrealistic expectations (for me when I was young I wanted someone that would make me happy all the time) can lead to early termination of relationships. The more one expects to get from a relationship, the deeper the disappointment can be.
psychcentral.com/lib/7-tips-on...and...a...relationship/0009303

blogs.psychcentral.com/healing-together/2010/.../love-at-a-distance/

A therapist can help us sort out relationships and our expectations.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring.

Many people find compassionate, caring people here at PC. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

I fully understand how you are not looking forward to spending time apart from your significant other over the summer. In the fall and beyond will you two live in the same location again? If the relationship has been going well for the past few months, it is not worth it to consider breaking up now or taking a break just because you will spend a relatively short amount of time apart. I am not saying it won't be difficult, but that it just might be worth it. Talk with your partner about ways you can stay connected: Skype conversations or the like, emails, etc. Is there a way you can visit each other every now and again?

[kaliope]

hi
if you want that to change, therapy would be a good place to start to discover why you have those behaviors. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[~Christina]

If your always hitting about the same point in a relationship and then you want out , then as already advised you may want to speak to a therapist to help find out a possible root cause. I have learned so much about myself and how I act and react to situations that I had not a clue about.

Welcome to PC !

[hvert]

I would also say that it's possible you lose interest because after 3-4 months you find out enough about the person to know that you are not compatible long term. For ages I thought there was something wrong with me because I did the same thing. So many boyfriends lasted six weeks. That was just how long it took me to figure out they were wrong for me.

[Rose76]

When the relationship is new, there is the "novelty" factor, which makes it extra stimulating and exciting. That will always wear off. Then what holds a couple together is the calmer, deeper interest in things that it takes time to know. Ask yourself if you are really taking an interest in the person you are with at that deeper level.

I don't know what you mean by saying that you might want to cut ties so that you can "focus" on where you are. If you cut ties, "where you are" will shift to somewhere else. What's to focus on? This sounds like gazing at your navel and kind of pointless.

When someone is new to us, they have the potential to be everything we ever dreamed of in a partner. Then we get to know them and see their limitations. Maybe that's what turns you off. But there are no dream partners out there. The good news is that a person you meet may have the potential to bring something good into your life that you didn't even know you needed. Discovering that takes time.

If you and this person you are currently dating are going to be geographically separated during the Summer, that's a real problem for both of you. Figure out if you can do anything about that to give this relationship more of a chance.