Broken hearted by depressive and maybe bipolar man.

My exhausted wandering for answers got me here.

Just like many stories, I dated a man for only 1 month that seemed like so many more. Started too intensely... I have to mention, he is an englishman while I'm argentinian, he's 30 and I'm 25, he's a military engineer, I'm a student still. And he's depressed (as his mother was), altho I also think he could be bipolar (his sisters are, as he told me).
I want to tell you my short-long story because I need to get it out, and I need to know if this has happened to others too and what did you do to overcome it.

When I met him, I was trying to recover from a previous bad experience with another guy... I was eskeptical about meeting anyone really.
I was using a dating App and was just boringly watching profiles when I saw this guy in my city (which never has people I like)... and I thought why not. We met and he was so handsome, tall, well-dressed, soft spoken...
We talked, he seemed really really nice, next day we met for a wine. I wasn't impressed by his online profile, it was just selfies of his beard and his kinda-sad looking face, and some dogs, and him on a military uniform... ok...

But when I met him, I was so wowed by him because he was everything I liked in a man: he looked like a well dressed viking, tall, blonde, blue kinda sad eyes, broad shoulders, soft spoken, a total gentleman, chilled, we liked the same kind of movies, series, music (we even shared our favourite love song), foreigner, interesting, smart, very well paid at a safe job, same religion beliefs (atheists), and he even gave me a lift home in the only english car you can find in this little spanish town, haha... I was flipping out. I'm 25 and he's 30. I'm not used to so well-setted men who share almost every interest with me. He was perfect. He'd constantly text me after we first met. He'd constantly ask to see me, so we saw eachother very often, almost every day of the week.

On our 2nd date, he cooked a wonderful meal for me, with expensive white wine to match dinner, and his place was candle lit. I was wowed.

Days later, he took me to my very first dinner at a fancy restaurant (I couldn't believe it!)... and there he confessed to me he was depressive but that he was taking his meds so he was dealing with it. I accepted lovingly because I was too wowed by my luck of finding him to even think of not supporting him in his struggle. He seemed to feel very happy that I was ok with it. Everything was so perfect.

For 3 weeks we did plans nonstop. It was Easter time so we both had a lot of free time. We met with my friends, hung out with my little puppie and my little brother, hung out with his friends, he told his mother about me, I posted pics on FB of both of us and he'd be totally ok with it, he told me he was quite proud of being seen with me. His sisters 'liked' the pics, and his friends, everyone could see us there...

One night, I couldn't resist it. It was about the end of the 2nd week. We were about to sleep, hugging, and I told him, feeling totally vulnerable, "I really like you"... he waited and replied "You're one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me" in his deep soft spoken way. I asked him to be my boyfriend, he said yes and asked me the same. I said yes. We hugged so happy. In years, I haven't felt so in peace, thinking "finally, I have found you".
There I think I just let myself go. I allowed myself to fall in love with him.

We had some fights because I'm very emotional and we were constantly going out and drinking, which didn't help. Every time we argued, he'd tell me "You're too emotional for me, I'm what people call emotionally retarded, I can't deal with those strong emotions because I don't understand them and they stress me out". But I just couldn't stop myself when drinking, so I stopped drinking. I thought with that, fights would stop and we'd be ok. And we did for some days and we had quite a lot of fun some nights out.

He had so many vices... 5 hours (or more) daily of videogames (which I started playing with him and act interested on it as I thought it would make us closer), 1 package of cigarettes per day, constantly drinking wine and pints at the pub where he always hangs.

During our 3rd week, I started to feel tired of the same plans: videogames, drinking, smoking, that's it. I started to feel anxious about it because I thought maybe he felt the same way. So I started to get distant. I wasn't replying so much to his texts because I was afraid he'd get tired of seeing me. I wanted to give him time and space to get back at me excited as he was in the beginning... We had trouble about it too because he got stressed about it. But we talked, he adviced me to get 'professional help' and told me he wanted to be there to confort me and support me... and we moved on, together. It was ok again.

By mids of the 4th week, there was a massive problem with a locksmith, where I helped him nonstop interpreting from spanish to english, for day and a half (mid sunday to tuesday I was there for him). He even stayed at my house that sunday (I live with my family) because he couldn't enter his flat. So next day he met my mother, briefly. He woke up and almost ran away to meet the locksmith... But sleeping over at my house, with me, meeting my mother, that for me was a huge deal... Really huge.
The following monday I was so stressed out helping him I completely forgot about Uni and about everything. I was just there to help him solve this issue. I cooked for him because he seemd to have forgotten about it. From 1 pm to 9 pm, nonstop, trying to solve this issue with him.
I even cancelled a presentation I had in Uni next day because I was just too busy and tired that monday with him and prepared nothing for Uni... damn.

Tuesday came and we could solve it (but he had to pay 1000 euro in one day because some locksmith tricked him and pull his whole door away)... But, as the military service pays him so stupidly well, he was ok with it.
That day he gave me a lift home and told me he'd invite me for dinner the upcoming days to thank me for all my help. I told him with an icecream I was fine, I just loved to help him.

Tuesday night I couldn't sleep because I had taken a nap at his place. Trouble. I was watching his FB and noticed that at one pic where there wasn't any likes before (and you could see his naked ***... I mean, a very innocent pic but still) there was one from a girl from London. I took a screen cap and sent him with "just curious but who is she?" at 2 am. Ok, not cool, but women sometimes do the most stupidest things ever...
Next day at Uni, he was replying I shouldn't send stuff like that, it was weird for him to watch it, and that was an ex, and blabla... I just wanted to know who she was and leave it like that. But he started to get weird about it and so did I. He didn't reply back for a whole day. During the night, he called and said "we're emotionally incompatible, and besides I'm gonna leave soon, and you'll too, it'll be tougher by then so there's no sense in going on with this, we're thru, it's a decision I've made and you got no choice on it".
Coldly.
I went to his house, he came downstairs, told me the same, coldy. Looked into my eyes, coldly, and told me "There's no more you and me, I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore, we're too different, you're too emotional, we're done, accept it, there's nothing you can do". I told him I had feelings for him, he told me him too but that he couldn't go on like this, and knowing we would be soon separated he wouldn't enjoy the time with me... He had no more to say.
He tried to go upstairs again and I couldn't leave him so I stepped between the door so it wouldnt close (I couldnt let him go), asking him to please reconsider things, that it was a couple's fight and that's it, that we should try again, that this couldn't be happening from one day to the other, and how could he change his mind so much, etc...
He threatened me to call the police if I didnt let him shut the door. I couldn't, I was in shock and by no means I could imagine him leaving. He called the police. He walked to the station threatening me that if I didn't go home he'd put a report on me. I couldn't believe he'd harm me that way, it was so hurtful that I couldn't wake up and go, i'd just walk next to him and whisper 'Please, don't do this...'
He made an scene in the streets. Told me I was infuriating and that I was mental. I just couldn't leave, even when I wasn't really talking and I wasn't even touching him. He was my english gentleman just one day ago and now he was this. It was too unreal.

He saw a patrol car and went their direction so he could report I was 'stalking' him. Then I freaked out, and went away. I called a friend, in shock, and went to her place (2 hours away from my city...). Got there by 12 in the night, completely destroyed.

The following days I wouldn't eat, would barely try to smile not to look so miserable, but wouldn't stop crying. I couldn't understand how this happend. I'd cry at any given time, at class, on the train, walking... all the pain of being left with all this love I had, and all the sweet memories with him, and the expectations of us, all broken...

It's been a week and a half. I've been really down. I've had sex with 2 other english guys trying to forget him, tryin to feel excited again... Nothing.
I fought physically with my mother during a night where I was drunk and had texted him and he replied I should let this go, we weren't and would never be a couple...
I felt broke down, I lost control. I feel so miserable for fighting with my mother, too. I felt like I went insane for a second.
A friend was there and pulled me away. I felt so ashamed with him...
I don't know how but I had some wounds in my face. I remember yelling at my mother with my lips bleeding. They are still healing, and might leave a scar.

I saw him a couple of times... when we met so he could give me my stuff back. He was cold but said 'i dont want it to be awkward if we ran into eachother in the city'...
And met him again at the pub he always hangs (I went there 3 days in a row -with other people- to see him, as I'm still not over it and seeing him reliefs me).

And it doesn't end there. My period hasn't come in a regular way. Last time I was with him I bled a little (we didn't take precautions, I thought I found the one so we stopped using it). After he broke up with me, blood came 2 days and then went away, when usually it's 5 days. I told him I'm scared, and he told me today that he bought 2 pregnancy tests and that he wanted to be there when I take it (I'm sure he's afraid I'm gonna trick him or something) so we could do it in his house, in a few hours...

I'm writing also because after all I've been in a week and a half --where I even lost my head and harmed the person who loves me the most-- seeing him again, privately, I don't know how that's gonna work out... I wish he knew I never meant any harm to him, and how much I love him despite all the damage he has done to me. Deep inside I still wanna be with him and feel again that wonderful feeling of the beginning.

In a few hours, I'm going to his flat take the tests. What will we do while we wait? Will I break out? Will he act like nothing happened, coldly?
I feel used, and like he wants to really make sure with those kits so that if they are negative he has nothing at all to do with me anymore. But if they are positive? I feel like he hates me now, he thinks I'm pathetic for being so attached to him... he is a completely different person from the one who was hugging me only a few weeks ago and telling me I could and should open up to him...

I don't know what's gonna happen and I'm scared. My emotions are just all over the place. I can't allow him to hurt me any more. To look at me coldly, and if I open up to him and tell him how I still feel, he'll reject me again and I'll fall into that deep hole again...

Wish me luck today, people. I feel like I'm walking on ice.

((((Big Hugs))))

Ahhhh, the I'm headed away but you're emotional mind game...

Even a lighter or less frequent period tends to say not pregnant. It's probably off due to stress.

He sounds like a player and for that, I'm so sorry to read you go through this.

I am so sorry. I'd say you are lucky it ended Now not much later. Look at it as you got lucky getting away from a weirdo. He doesn't sound depressed but obnoxious and selfish. Look at this you got out easy!!!! Big hugs and hope it is over for you for good! At 25 you have your whole life ahead of you

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Am I the only one who thinks the OPs behavior (when he flagged down the cops) was that of a desperate and unstable person?


Because generally, that's not how mentally healthy people react to being dumped.


If she were a guy, people would be calling her a creep, a stalker, dangerous even... Just saying.

My point is, the ex had a valid point when he stated the OP is too emotional for his needs and acting mental...



I'm not saying the ex bf was a prince, but I'm not going to demonize him either.


Doesn't sound like a good match at all, whether he's bipolar, depressive or neither.


Pollybee, I really hope you're not pregnant, that's the last thing you need right now.

I agree her behavior is unstable and I am not blaming him from wanting to call the police. He is weird though, in one month he goes from madly in love and staying over to not wanting to be together and this whole drinking business.... All this fighting? In one month? That much happened? They are both better off without each other

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I was concerned that you already had sex with two other men in just a week and a half. I hope you used a protection and hope they weren't Total strangers. Be careful

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You wouldn't leave him alone so he calls the police. Then you have the nerve to say that you don't know why he'd hurt you like that?

I think that perhaps you are the one with serious mental problems. This is stalker behavior.

So wait, you did two subsequent Englishmen in ten days to rid yourself of the taste of the first Englishman? Was this a saturation strategy? Is there a rule of threes?

I blame the locksmith. It was a fairy tale romance until people started dicking with locks.

(((pollybee))) Just checking in to see how you're doing. Sorry for your struggles!!!