[confuddled]

I have been with my partner 2 years he's has suffered from depression and anxiety for a few years due to horrific past events he has attended cbt which didn't work for him and is currently taking medication. Over the past year he has become very hard to live with as he is angry and agitated. The smallest of things will set him off and he goes into a vile verbally abusive rage. After the rage he will walk out and go for a walk to calm down. He always comes back and tells me he knows how he reacted was wrong but he can't help it and can't control it. He has tried getting help but just gets fobbed off and passed from pillar to post. I also suffer from anxiety and am like a nervous wreck from the minute I wake up to th moment I go to bed I feel like in walking around on egg shells. I really do love this man and can sympathise with him because of all the things that have happened I don't want to leave him just need advice on how to cope many thanks to any replies x

[arundelle]

Perhaps not live with him anymore? Get your own place? Stay with him, but have more distance.

Firstly, so you can exist somewhere that you are comfortable. But also for him, so that he can decompress without exploding at the person he loves. I'm sure he feels as badly about it as you do.

[Open Eyes]

Perhaps he may be struggling with PTSD, has he seen a psychiatrist?

[confuddled]

He's been to doctor and mental health team and they just pass him back and forth saying they can't help which is making things hard as well, I don't want to up and leave because I'm afraid of the damage he'll do to himself...it's so hard 😪

[ChipperMonkey]

If he has the attitude that he can't control his reactions, then nothing is ever going to change. I'm not surprised that his mental health team has told him that they can't help him. A client needs to WANT to get better or they won't.

The truth is, that no matter how bad things are, someone almost always has control over how they react or treat other people. A verbally abusive rage? Yeah, he DOES have the power to control that and not take it out on you. He only thinks its an instantaneous reaction, but the truth is that there is a split second between the trigger and the reaction. He needs to find a way to identify that exact moment so that he can force a wedge between the two so it doesn't seem like an "automatic" reaction. It IS hard, but it can indeed be done. (I am recovering from PTSD and have had more than a few extreme reactions in my life. It is indeed possible to learn how to not react instantaneously.) Has your guy gone to anger management? He might find more help there instead of in just anxiety treatment.