[Jaded028]

So here is the back story .... My boyfriend and I had been together for nearly a year. After a number of long term relationships with less than desirable men he came along and completely swept me off my feet. My mental health has never been very good, from my teenage years (I'm 29 now) I self harmed and went through periods of depression. In recent years it's seems to have evolved into anxiety; I currently take Quetiapine. From what reading I have done I feel that maybe I have borderline personality disorder, it all seems to fit. He was always great about it and encouraged me to open up and share the burden. I found this extremely difficult but tried and for a long time we were very happy.
In the last two months I have been slowly unravelling, my moods have become uncontrollable and I was constantly in some state of anxiety. Deep down I didn't ever think I was good enough for him. I stressed myself out trying to become a "better person", trying to win at life; trying to be more deserving of him I guess. My anxiety got worse and my moods got more extreme and I found myself snapping at him and totally shutting him out. While I was so wrapped up in myself I didn’t realise that he wasn't coping with the stresses in his own life.
Last Friday he ended it. He said he just couldn't do it any more, he wasn't coping and was starting to unravel himself. He always called me his sidekick and I guess I had stopped being his sidekick for some time. I said I would change and we could fix it but understandably to no avail. At two points I asked if he didn't love me any more; the first time, through tears, he said it wasn't about that he just couldn’t do it any more; the second time he said not in the right way. When he came round on Sunday to pick up his things I had composed myself, I apologised and explained why I had behaved the way I did and said I understood why he was walking away and I didn't blame him for it. It was emotional for both of us. He asked if he could contact me in a while because he would be worried about me.
The ridiculous thing is, now that he's gone all those anxieties and insecurities I felt have fallen away and I realise how insignificant they are. I have finally pulled myself together and I'm determined to get better. I'm starting a mindfulness meditation class tomorrow and will be seeing a counsellor from next week.
I have to do this for myself if I am ever going to find happiness but I can't help but hope that with some space and time maybe we can patch things up, that the love hasn't gone. We never argued and at one point had great plans for our future together, the only problems that were reoccurring stemmed from my personal insecurities. Does anyone have any advice?

[arundelle]

Study mindfulness. What it does is give you a little space so that when you get the overwhelming feelings you can stop and say, hey, I know this is a strong feeling, but is it actually right or not?

Obviously that won't help with your last relationship, but it could help going forward.

[quietincrowd]

If he is interested in contacting you, it would be beneficial to stay in touch. Maybe when you find a bit of balance you can share your feeling as you did here, even if they are written. Remember to take care of yourself first so you may care for another.
Good Luck!