[ajay jasper galen]

Hello people Iam new to this. I have been living among a abusive extended family. Its a arranged marriage and after marriage i found out there was lot of hidden information including a large student loan that i have to take over and she cannot work as she had no status to even own a savings account. I never complaint about it worked hard and bought her to stand on her own leg. but now my sister in law saw us coming up and its trying to ruin our marriage. He talks bad about my parents and advises my wife to send them out of my house. she calls her and talks to her from work for 3 to 4 hours a day and does not allow her to take care of my children. advises not to feed me and she never allowed to go to my parents house even once after marriage my SIL told not to go to my parents house. Recently my SIL lost her job and started going to school and dint have any one to takecare of her kid. She advised my wife to quit her job and come to her place. and my wife took all the belongings(money, gold, immigration documents and my daughter) and never answered my phone.

My wifes parents informed all my relatives and parents that i have been abusing her and treating her like a slave and asking me to apologize him to send my wife and kids back to our house my wifes family is trying to hide what my SIL did and they are lied a lot to people around. I managed to get my wife back but my parents and my brothers who are immigrant to this country has stepped back and never talk to me. They told if their family accuse them of any false charges it might take time to prove its wrong and they wont have any earnings till that time and there are no finincial backup.

Right now Iam abandoned by my family. Their family trash talk about me and my family with my daughter/wife on speaker. My wife does no share any information/money with me and does not want to meet any counsellor if she happened to talk she tells them with tears that nothing like that has happened.I live this painful and abusive life for my daughter and son but just because she is a woman she escapes showing some fake tears and telling them i abuse her.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I CANT TAKE IT ANY MORE I CANT EAT OR SLEEP ANY MORE.

[Skeezyks]

Hello ajay jasper galen: The Skeezyks welcomes you to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are finding yourself to be in such a difficult situation. I'm afraid I don't have any ready answers to this dilemma for you. My thinking is that it is going to take some time & effort for you to figure this all out. If you are in a position to see a therapist yourself, this might be the best way to proceed. You need to have the opportunity to talk this whole situation through at some length with someone who is objective & knowledgeable with regard to family relations issues.

This is not a "one-session-&-out" situation. You'll probably need to talk this through multiple times before you will be able to clarify, in your own mind, how to proceed. There are many things to be considered, not the least of which are your daughter & son, as you are well aware. It would certainly be ideal if you & your wife could participate in some marriage & family counseling together. But, from what you wrote, it sounds as though this is not possible. As a result, you're going to have to do the next best thing, which is to seek support for yourself as you grapple with what to do. I wish I had a more concrete solution to suggest, but I don't. I wish you well...

[Crazy Hitch]

It sounds to me like you might need legal advice?

Although I'm not sure what the outcome of that would be, depending on what country you live in.

With arranged marriages I guess you don't know what on earth you're getting into and it sounds as if you've gotten more than your fair share.

She's not into couples counselling, and that's going to make it tough.

There seems to be her version, and then the version that you regard as the truth.

Why is it that she seems so attached to her side of the family?

Are you the first relationship she's been in?

It sounds as if her family need to take a step back from all of this ...

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

It sounds to me like you might need legal advice?

Although I'm not sure what the outcome of that would be, depending on what country you live in.

It looks like he lives in Virginia.

I agree; I feel like you need to seek legal advice on this matter, though I've never been married, so I don't know how or what type (anyone who has been through the legal system care to weigh in?)

It sounds like her family wanted to marry her off to pay off her debt, and that they are all just plain dysfunctional. I would assume that the dysfunction started with the parents, and trickled down to the kids (your wife, her sister), and that this is the only way they know how to handle life and relationships. I'm sorry that they accuse you of abuse, and I know that, culturally, divorce is unacceptable. However, staying in a marriage like this is not doing either of you any good, and in my opinion, the concept of "staying for the children" is flawed. Children see the dysfunction. I feel it is better for children for a marriage that is completely broken to be dissolved than for the parents to stick it out and make the kids live through the brokenness of that.

[Trippin2.0]

Staying for the children just breeds a new kind of dysfunction that the children then carry around with as adults.


No, I don't subscribe to that school of thought either, and cannot support such flawed thinking.


I would be speaking to a divorce lawyer if I were you, before your kids grow up believing you're abusing her too.