[quietincrowd]

I need some advice. I posted on here a while back that I was caring for someone with depression and was so confused. We have dated for about a year. They shared their story and did not leave out they had depression. Over the past year they had a few small struggles with it but really hit bottom a several weeks ago. I was pushed away but tried to check in being constant. They would say confusing things, they cant do this right now, they care, they need peace and quiet, but want me to stay in their life. The other day I asked to talk so we could discuss what that means, I need to know so I am not being pushed and pulled through this. I know the weekend prior they had a setback and had said some mean things toward me not understanding but had explained the why (this was the first mean things said through it all). I received a short text in reply to my request and was dumped with little explanation. The reason given was nothing ever discussed before and I was blamed for some of their choices too. I don't know how much of that was the depression and how much of that was their real feelings. I really don't know what to do because now they are alone in this. Everything was very good up to the day they started to struggle with the depression.

Through this i have realized that they have trouble with intimacy because every time we got closer, there was a bit of panic and they withdrew into a few days of mild depression, as if it were a trigger. I realized from some of the stories, childhood, relationships as an adult that this is an issue for them but they were caring and loving prior to this event. We were at the year mark and I wonder if that is part of the issue now too.

I know I need to take care of my self, I deserve to be treated with more respect then what this has become. I just wonder if it is the depression alone or really them. Do I just send a touch base in text from now and then? I cannot be in a relationship right now where I am treated poorly but we also have a friendship that may be helpful here.

Any advice would be helpful because I am so confused. Thanks

[chocaholic]

I does not matter if it is the depression, a personality disorder, drugs, or something else, you still need to take care of you first. If this other person is in therapy, ask the therapist if there is a role for you. If not, encourage the other person to get into therapy. In either case, do NOT try to counsel this other person. Let a professional handle it.

Been there, done that.

[quietincrowd]

Thanks chocaholic. I wasnt trying to counsel but wanst sure where to draw the line as a friend. The relationship was great the last year but really cannot be anything if they are not willing to seek help.