[boogiesmash]

I have been seeing my psychologist for a bit and we came to talk about relationships and my issue with judging myself for past few sessions. One of my problem is that I'm very self conscious of my body. I'm overweight by maybe 60 lbs. My therapist assures me I look fine and not as obese as I believe I am. I also have packed on muscles so my chest and shoulders are solid. The problem though, is that I am not as thin as I was and have an impossible time and courage to go out with someone and even social interactions I try to avoid because of my perceived image. Again she insists I look fine and I am holding myself back.

This problem though is twofold. I think I may be judgemental of women as well. I tend to look for attraction and usually i'm shot down. My therapist said to "accept yourself and others for who you and they are." I feel though that finding someone to laugh with and compliment me is something I definetly need, however I always look at looks first and I believe that is how relationships start, at least that's what I have known. Anybody help me with my conflicting views?

[CANDC]

I am well aware how an attractive face and body can get the knee jerk reaction of attraction as if we are hardwired or conditioned for certain looks. Unfortunately in this society there are obsessions with thinness. In previous times, thin meant sickly. The thin person might not survive the winter when food was scarce. A thin woman might not bear a child or might die in labor.

Social views change. A funny thing is that after the initial attraction wears off many attractive people do not always have the social skills and empathy to make a good relationship.

Worrying about size can be a non starter for living your life and meeting people who share your interests. Why not just start seeing where you have common ground with the people you meet and meeting people who accept you the way you are.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by CANDC

I am well aware how an attractive face and body can get the knee jerk reaction of attraction as if we are hardwired or conditioned for certain looks. Unfortunately in this society there are obsessions with thinness. In previous times, thin meant sickly. The thin person might not survive the winter when food was scarce. A thin woman might not bear a child or might die in labor.

Social views change. A funny thing is that after the initial attraction wears off many attractive people do not always have the social skills and empathy to make a good relationship.

Worrying about size can be a non starter for living your life and meeting people who share your interests. Why not just start seeing where you have common ground with the people you meet and meeting people who accept you the way you are.

Accepting myself for who I am, is something I'm working on as well. For one, I really don't know who I am or where I want to go. Second I am having trouble accepting myself. My therapist recommended I do some self image exercises which has been helping boost my self confidence. (I look into a mirror and say I love myself 5x then I love my body 5x then I won't judge 5x and do all that 3x a day.)

Thank you for your input I much appreciate it.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

....... however I always look at looks first and I believe that is how relationships start, at least that's what I have known. Anybody help me with my conflicting views?

And how has this worked out for you so far?


Were those relationships long lasting, healthy, happy?


Whenever I attempt to change my perceptions, I look at how my current ones have served me so far.


Physical attraction is good, necessary even, but if you give it too much power you sadly end up limiting yourself.


I'm not saying you should go and date a troll or anything (unless that's what you're into) but in my experience, my relationships that were born of pure attraction... well they fizzled out fast and one in particular left some 3rd degree burns.


You'll be surprised how attractive someone is when they possess the qualities you love and admire, but that would mean taking the time to get to know them first.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

And how has this worked out for you so far?


Were those relationships long lasting, healthy, happy?


Whenever I attempt to change my perceptions, I look at how my current ones have served me so far.


Physical attraction is good, necessary even, but if you give it too much power you sadly end up limiting yourself.


I'm not saying you should go and date a troll or anything (unless that's what you're into) but in my experience, my relationships that were born of pure attraction... well they fizzled out fast and one in particular left some 3rd degree burns.


You'll be surprised how attractive someone is when they possess the qualities you love and admire, but that would mean taking the time to get to know them first.

I sometimes think of myself as a troll . How do you meet someone to get to know them? Thanks for the insight.

[Crazy Hitch]

I think some people develop an attraction due to physical appearances; I don't believe that you are alone on this

I don't believe you are a "troll" - not by any means at all.

For me, personally, I tend to notice "how a person carries themselves". From experience, I've noticed a not so attractive person enter a room and carry themselves with grace and charisma and a sense of confidence, true confidence (not as in being arrogant or anything). And that is the type of quality that draws my attention to them.