My wife cheated on me and has since been diagnosed with DID

cknsc · Jun 10, 2015, 12:07 PM

I am 43 Male and my wife is 43 as well and I found out 9 weeks ago that my wife of 15 years has been cheating on me.** I found my neighbors hat and sunglasses in my bedroom and when confronted she lied and lied, 4 hours of interrogating later she finally admitted that something was going on.** Weeks of sorting through half-truths I learn that she has been sleeping with this man once every 4-6 weeks or so for the last 3 years.* In addition I learned that he wasn’t the only one.** She had sex with two of my other friends, one was a one-time deal and the other was 5 times; however, both of those “flings” were over by the time I caught her.* She also admitted to hooking up one time with a random guy on a girls night out but there was no intercourse as well as hooking up with a co-worker twice 10 years ago, again no intercourse.* I confronted the other men and I am confident that I know everything there is to know and that she is no longer hiding anything from me.**
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A little about us.* We have had a decent, yet fairly shallow marriage but the sex has for the most part been the one place we could really connect.* Throughout our marriage I have been the giving half as well as the provider and looking back she has been fairly selfish for our entire relationship. *On the outside we had a good life, until that is we decided to move 5 years ago from our comfortable beach side home to a larger more expensive house.* With the move came added stress on me and on our marriage.* She wasn’t working at the time and shortly after the move we were pregnant with our second child. *I still loved her but I was feeling the pressure of the bills and she wasn’t working so I was on my own island of stress.** About 4 years ago she looked me in the face and blatantly lied to me about something that was ridiculous and I felt so disrespected and hurt that she could lie to me about something so trivial that I began to pull away emotionally from her.* Come to find out later that what I thought was a silly lie about stopping up the street for a drink (iphone tracker) while telling me she was just leaving work, was really the fact that she stopped up for a drink and ended up having sex with a friend of mine.** This happened once with him but I believe opened pandoras box.*

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Here I am working my *** off to pay for her lifestyle and she has the ability to go off and live a single life with no regard for me at all.* She turned her back on me and her children and the caliber of men that she slept with was shocking.* One was a 49 year old *** that was obnoxious and nobody liked and the other was a 60 year old short disgusting salty old fisherman.** Both married to friends of hers.**

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So that sets the table to where we are today.** When confronted it was as if she had no conscience or true feeling or emotion.* We do have two young children so I agreed to go to a couples therapist that we are both very familiar with and vice versa.** Our therapist suggested my wife to therapy on her own and so she did.** For the sake of my children I have been extremely patient with all of this, I agreed with my therapist to give it at least 3 months before I made a decision to either divorce or reconcile.** By the way, she moved out to live with her girlfriend for 4 weeks but is now back at home in our guest room because her GF is remodeling the room that my wife was staying in.** My wife has been home now for a few weeks and is currently looking for a room to rent close to our home so she can still be in touch with the Children until I decide what to do.*

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I know that my wife has had a fairly tough childhood but what she has learned with her therapist is that it was much tougher than she thought and that there was severe neglect, attachment injury and a rape as a little girl and that the trauma has caused her C-PTSD and Dissociative Identity Disorder.* Along with young childhood issues, she was “abducted” (a controlled abduction by a boarding school official, a school for troubled youth) and sent to a cult like boarding school ‘CEDU’ that imprisoned her in the hills of Idaho and additionally warped her already troubled mind.* Again, her parents wanted nothing to do with her and could care less what damage a place like this could do.*

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I met with her therapist this week to discuss her infidelity and it seems like the excuse is that she acted out as the little girl that was finally in control of a sexual situation that she wasn’t in control of as a child when she was raped.* Keep in mind, when I met my wife she was not promiscuous at all, she had very few partners prior to myself so this wasn’t a pattern.*

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My wife has no explanation as to why she did what she did and I am seeing her feel for the first time in our marriage.* She is broken hearted for what she has done and is desperately trying to change who she had become and completely and permanently turn away from that defensive, *****y cheater.** I have seen some signs that she is capable of change and I know that she is working her *** off, but will that change be enough for me?* I guess I just can’t wrap my brain around how someone can do this to a good man much less her kids.** Can anyone who has been through something similar please shed some light on this for me?* I am about at the end of my rope but for the sake of my children I am allowing this process the time to play out.** Thank you in advance for even taking the time to ready this marathon post

Crazy Hitch · Jun 11, 2015, 04:13 AM

I'm very sorry to hear that you have found yourself in this very challenging situation cknsc

The only thing I can think to say is it will likely take therapy; not only for you; but for the two of you as a couple; and for her.

It's a journey moving forward and my wish for you is that no matter what may your mental health begin to slowly restore itself to where you are able to feel some sense of comfort admist everything that has happened.