[revivingophelia]

I really need some perspective and advice. I apologize in advance for the length, but this is the first time I have ever tried to discuss this in any manner.

Both my parents are deceased and the only family member aside from my teenage son, is my older brother. I miss my parents and that connection terribly, and have no other relatives to provide an extended family unit for my son.

My brother and I have never got along. He has always been hostile and controlling, not to mention emotionally abusive. My entire relationship with him has been me begging for his acceptance to no avail. He is a high ranking Police Officer and seems to see himself better than me, and constantly criticizes every aspect of my life. In front of other people, he is openly hostile towards me and it clearly makes even his friends uncomfortable.

Two years ago, I moved back to the same city we both grew up in. I didn't tell him that my son and I were moving back, and when he found out, he was very angry with me. He immediately used his position on the police force to have me held in a psychiatric ward, and had a judge friend issue an order to take sole guardianship of my son. On his word alone, without anything I did to warrant it, he managed to have me held for over a week. He decided that I was either on drugs or mentally ill to want to move home after my husband left me. My only crime was wanting to provide a better life for my son, free from the crime and poverty of where we had been living, to where there were job opportunities and my friends all lived. Ironically, I also wanted to give my son a sense of family with my brother. The doctor's couldn't find anything wrong with me, drug tested me on his request and of course determined that he had used his position maliciously. They were very angry and called him in for a case conference, threatening to go to his superiors. When they told him that the only thing wrong with me was him trying to control me, he filed complaints against them and the hospital, citing incompetence. I was released and had no choice but to stay with him, as it was the only way I could be with my son. I should mention, I also did nothing wrong to warrant this guardianship order... It was yet another manipulation by my brother, with really no way for me to argue it... They would side with my brother based on his reputation and word.

Two months living in his home, doing everything he said I must do, him controlling every aspect of our lives, I finally got up the courage to challenge him. I told him that even the doctor's at the hospital worried about the way he treated me, and stated he had absolutely no boundaries when it came to my life. I would have them testify if he pushed it. I got a job and saved up enough money to get my own place. I told him if he did not hand over guardianship of my son and let us go, I would go to his superiors and make the case public. He let us move out and I haven't heard from him since. I have sent Christmas and birthday cards, but he has never replied. He blamed me for his relationship with his girlfriend at the time dissolving, due to the "stress from me coming back" - Completely ridiculous.

One would ask why on earth I would want him in my life, but I can't seem to reconcile the fact that he is the only other family member besides my son that I have. I have wanted his approval my whole life, and even now, all I want is for him to WANT to be in mine... To accept me for who I am and support me emotionally as a sister. It hurts me deeply, and not a day goes by that the pain of his actions and now rejection, doesn't sting. He would never go to counselling and if I ever did see him, I suspect he would continue to hurt and control me, but I want a brother... I have always wanted him and he has always rejected me. He is the only connection I have to my childhood and past. I don't know how to move forward. Again, I apologize for the length of my question.

[CANDC]

revivingophelia welcome to Psych Central. I am so sorry you have been a victim of abuse and manipulation by your brother. Any therapist of surviving abuse would have grave doubts of whether this relationship is positive in any way. It is not uncommon for victims of abuse to cling to their abusers. There are organizations that specialize in supporting women in distress or battered women.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central revivingophelia!!! It's nice to meet you. You have joined a community of warm and caring members who will want to offer you support and advice. Yours is welcome as well.

Please feel free to contact any community liaison or moderator by left clicking on their name in blue to the left of their post if you need help navigating the forums. It will take some time for your first five posts to appear as they are being evaluated and then you will be able to join chats.

I'm sorry for your struggles. You'll find we have a safe and supportive community. I'm glad you've joined us.

I look forward to seeing you around!!!

[shakespeare47]

I don't know what I would do in your situation, revivingophelia. I'm so sorry you had to go through what you did.

Is the benefit of having him in your life, worth the disadvantages? Have you thought of making a list of pros and cons?

After dealing with a lot of abuse from my own family, I've decided that it's healthier for me to stay away, because I know I can't change them, no matter how much I want things to be different.

[Bill3]

To accept me for who I am and support me emotionally as a sister. ... I want a brother... I have always wanted him and he has always rejected me.

What evidence is there that he will change and become the brother that you have always wanted?

It hurts me deeply, and not a day goes by that the pain of his actions and now rejection, doesn't sting.....He is the only connection I have to my childhood and past. I don't know how to move forward.

Have you considered counseling for yourself, to help you (1) deal with the likelihood that you are not going to get what you want from your brother, and (2) move forward?