[Beebizzy]

Hi Everyone,

I haven't been on PC for a while and I've never been on this forum so hello!

I got an email from my bf today from an email address with a different name than his. I know he has other aliases on the internet but I didn't recognise this one.

I googled the name and found out that he has been writing erotic (being charitable) novels and poetry for 5 years. He had a book of poems on Amazon and also a blog and twitter account. The bio matches his real one.

I wish I could say I was surprised but I wasn't. I thought it was highly likely something like this was going on, it was just a matter of time before I found out. We haven't been intimate for 8 years (my choice).

It was a jolt though and my immediate reaction was 'it's over'. I don't know any other girls who have to worry about their bf having a secret life - it's not the first time I feel short-changed by him. Plus there are other things I'm not happy about.

OTOH, I know he is entitled to have secrets. I just feel that this is a bit more than that. He's a different person than I thought he was (although I did kind of think it and felt very uneasy...).

Anyway. A deal-breaker?

[healingme4me]

I don't know about deal breaker territory. Yet, with feeling short changed, unhappy with other aspects, including lacking -even if by choice- intimacy, the secret lifestyle could be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Having a secret life and sending you an email from that account displayed a subconscious desire to be forthcoming, I'd suspect?

Yes, keeping a sense of individuality is important. Not need to keep tabs on one another. If this were a marriage, however, then this wouldn't be necessarily about a right to ones own identity, it's suddenly legally and financially relevant.