[Chris948]

So I've been with my bf for about 5 years we've been living together for 4years. During the second year of our relationship is when the abuse started.

He has a drinking problem and when he's drunk hes completely irrational and any little thing will set him off. He also suffers from depression but doesn't take any medication, he claims smoking weed is his "treatment" not prescribed though, he's also suicidal and witnessed his mother get beat up by his stepdad and she also tried to commit suicide, his life growing up is the complete opposite from mine.

Hes not controlling or anything but at this point I think it's resentment towards me. To make a long story short when we were dating a year in we were forced to move in together. My brother tried to kill him by shooting at us in a car and my dad threw me out the house I was 19 at the time so I went with him and his family, we got an apartment and started to live together.

I will admit that first year living together was difficult because I had no idea on what to do or how to live on my own, which caused a lot of issues. I distroyed the relationship with my abandonment issues and he did with his drinking and his drunken rage which would result in me being abused by him.

After a scare with the cops showing up, I begged them not to arrest him, surprisingly they just left with a warning. Then it stopped for a while. Now instead of attacking me he breaks everything we own, which eventually ends with me getting beat up when I try to stop him.

Now I've finally decided to have him arrested but I don't want his life ruined, I'm debating on getting a restraining order and not continuing the prosecution. In the end after everything I still love him to death but I think it's just resentment for him even though he doesn't say it.

I feel like it's my fault because if we don't argue then everything is perfect but I can't voice my feelings. I think mentally he's damaged completely and since after everything I'm always there and refuse to leave him I guess it makes him hate me.

I just don't know what the right thing to do is, I need him to get help but I don't think being locked up is going to make it any better for him especially since he'll lose his job and everything and he'll fall into his depression and not get anywhere.

[healingme4me]

I guess no sense in working the system if you are only using it to get him to acknowledge that he needs to change.
How about contacting a woman's resource center and get some counseling through their agency before making any moves?. They'll show you how to make a safety plan, as well.