[Macd123]

Lately I've been having issues about sharing my age - I'm pretty honest and I usually fess up. Since I just turned 60 I feel uncomfortable telling anybody under 50 what actual age is. Is this shallow?

[Bill3]

What do you expect will happen if you reveal your true age?

[divine1966]

If you start dating someone they will know your age eventually and will know you lied. That's embarrassing. I don't really look my age, still I tell people how old I am. Lying is never a good idea


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[Macd123]

I'm very honest about my age when I'm with people - I guess I look young for my age because they are a little shocked. This makes me defensive and it just isn't very comfortable. Actually I'm a little amazed because anybody under 50 seems young - I almost feel obligated to blurt out my stage in life just to make sure everyone I'm with is okay with it. This is probably my emotional immaturity coming through but that's the way it is. Perhaps I should just shut up until they ask.

[IrisBloom]

I'm proud to have made it to 57 in one piece. I don't hide my age ever. If someone dislikes me because of it that's their problem, not mine. Luckily I look younger.

[~Christina]

I think age is something you should be honest about. I'm never happy to say "48" but it is what it is.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Macd123

I'm very honest about my age when I'm with people - I guess I look young for my age because they are a little shocked. This makes me defensive and it just isn't very comfortable. Actually I'm a little amazed because anybody under 50 seems young - I almost feel obligated to blurt out my stage in life just to make sure everyone I'm with is okay with it. This is probably my emotional immaturity coming through but that's the way it is. Perhaps I should just shut up until they ask.

I know what you mean. A friend of mine is going to be 79 in August and she tells people she is 24 and no one questions it. She's a fantastic person. I only know her real age because I saw her drivers license. I think you have a handle on what the problem is here though.

[scorpiosis37]

With dating I think it is very important to be honest about your age up front. If someone is going to invest time into getting to know you with the hope that it might lead to a real relationship, they need to know how old you are. How many years can they expect to have with you? Are you of a reasonable age to have and raise children? Are you in school, in the workforce, or in retirement? Is there a noticeable generation gap?

While I dated women who were quite a bit older when I was young (I was 18; she was 36), now that I am 30 and looking to settle down and have a family, my priorities have changed somewhat. While I don't mind someone 5-10 years older, I do want someone who is still young enough to raise a family with me. By the same token, I want to date someone who is old enough to have finished school, established a career, and is ready to settle down and have a family. While I've never actually been attracted to anyone younger than me, I wouldn't rule out someone a few years younger. Age itself doesn't necessarily matter to me, but I do think maturity and stage of life are important if you are looking for a serious relationship. While I rarely meet anyone I'm interested in when out in public, if I do, I will ask about age up front because I'm really bad at being able to judge by looks. I also know that I appear quite a bit younger than I am and don't want anyone to be under the wrong impression. For instance, I'm a professor but I routinely get mistaken for an undergraduate student. I would hate to accept a date from someone only to discover later that they are the friend or roommate of a student!

Eta: if you're looking to date, why not try online dating or meetup groups?

[divine1966]

I once went on a blind date with a guy who was 57 or 58 yet lied he was 53. It was so dumb. Like it makes a difference? His explanation was weird too. Mind you he was a professor with PhD yet thought it was ok to lie for no reason. He didn't look young, he looked his age

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[Macd123]

I know what everybody is saying but this question is based on a fairly recent experience. I guess I can pretend that age doesn't matter but I've had some reactions that say otherwise (English?). Unfortunately it has been a new friendship deal breaker - not good when you have invested some time and you felt comfortable.

[Bill3]

How did it turn out to be a deal breaker?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Macd123

I know what everybody is saying but this question is based on a fairly recent experience. I guess I can pretend that age doesn't matter but I've had some reactions that say otherwise (English?). Unfortunately it has been a new friendship deal breaker - not good when you have invested some time and you felt comfortable.

Of course age matters but age is your reality. It is just something that is there.

Well if you go for people who are much younger then it's a deal breaker. But why don't you go for a woman in her 50s? She would not mind.

I bet you it would be a much worse deal breaker if your new friend knew you lied.

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[divine1966]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

I know what you mean. A friend of mine is going to be 79 in August and she tells people she is 24 and no one questions it. She's a fantastic person. I only know her real age because I saw her drivers license. I think you have a handle on what the problem is here though.

I almost chocked laughing. "No one questions it"




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[Macd123]

Well I'm not 24 or 79 but lately when I tell people how old I am I wait for a reaction and there's usually just a long uncomfortable pause.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Well I'm not 24 or 79 but lately when I tell people how old I am I wait for a reaction and there's usually just a long uncomfortable pause.

Why? Who would even care? I really don't understand the issue. The only time I see age is an issue if you are looking for a job and want to hide your age as not to be discriminated. Other than that who even cares?

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[Bill3]

Are you finding that people judge you for your age before they get a chance to know you?

[A Red Panda]

I tend to look at things more in "life stages" than anything else.

You're nearing retirement. Getting involved with someone else who isn't near retirement will create tension - because they'll be working full-time and may start to feel like a care-giver, even if you get a good pension. You'd be at home, doing what you want, while they'll be working. Now... if the other person is also nearing retirement or just retired, then it'd be totally cool.

The specific age in that regard? Wouldn't really matter, because you'd be entering the same stage of life as each other.

That said - when I was 27 I was being hit on by a guy. When I found out he was 19, I was like "ummm no". Not that an 8 year difference bothers me - I'd date someone who was 34 at that point. The reason why was because he was just freshly starting university, whereas I had already established my career. It's two different life stages. At 27 someone at 34 was fine to me, because we'd both be in earlier stages of our careers.

When I was in highschool, I wouldn't have gotten involved with someone in university or working full-time for the same reason. While in university I wouldn't have gotten involved with someone who was established in a career. Because the life-stages aren't equal.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Well I'm not 24 or 79 but lately when I tell people how old I am I wait for a reaction and there's usually just a long uncomfortable pause.

That might be because people are uncomfortable with this sort of sharing past the age of about 10 or so.