[electricrainbow]

here I am lost trying to find my authentic self... since I was 15 life has changed for me .. I always have the need to please others and put myself on the back burner and that has been a routine for me for over 25 years until this...ill start from the beginning: at 15 I met a boy who I thought I loved, young love I know, after loosing my virginity to him he became abusive emotionally and very physical, I was very much traumatized emotionaly by this that I just placed them feelings in the back of my mind, eventually broke up with him and went with another man who was the same way, got a little stronger this time around, but still catered to their needs, then broke away, next guy..fell head over heals with this guy gave everything up for him, put me on the back burner again, still together for 20 years and 3 kids later married 15...controlling of my life but tolerable I guess...I always accept sorry without considering my own feelings, now roughly 10 years ago we got involved with an alternate life style and have been poly with one cple a couple of years now...the man from the other couple has shown me what it is that I really want in life and what I deserve...and the women in our life has pointed out to my husband his manipulating ways ... so I have pointed them to him many times and to no avail has he responded to me with the way he responds to her, I am hurt because I have stayed by his side through some very tough times ... I feel like have been taken for granted for many years and realize what I deserve....so how does one do a complete emotional make over and find their authentic self..i know this is complicated and have not had any counselling for the emotional and physical abuse that I endured... its time to do things right..so looking for some advise........this is just in a nutshell I could write soo much more

[healingme4me]

Authenticity is about knowing yourself inside and out. It's an integrity of self. Honesty about your likes, wants, needs, dislikes, goals, hopes and dreams.
Therapy can help address the pain that you experienced when you were 15. And can help you sort through the goal of discovering who you really are deep down.