Depressed, dealing with depressed SO. Feeling so overwhelmed.

My fiance has been struggling with depression for a few years now. I've been trying my best to help but depression got to me too and i've been dealing with that for a couple of years now.

But everything. Keeps. Piling. Up. She's been unemployed for almost 2 years and we have serious financial issues. She gets angry and frustrated all the time and she lashes out at me. She doesn't get along with my mother and family and doesn't ever want to be around them, not even on family occasions. I feel i can't even have my own hobbies as she says i prefer "playing" to being with her. I no longer hang out with anybody or even go to the gym, she says i ignore her and don't care about her. I feel sad and overwhelmed all the time.

Things with my mother have been going worse and worse. She'll take any situation, even an inocuous thing, and turn it int a whole scenario where she sees some sort of insult or ill treatment towards her. I can't even say otherwise because she'll say i'm always defending my motherand it just aggravates her. I love my mother and i can see she's frutrated too as this whole situation is very detrimental for us. I feel like i am neglecting my family and i can't even tell them why as i don't want to expose my fiance's problems or betray her confidence (she's VERY sensitive about her privacy).

Fights are ugly but rather one sided as whatever i say is twisted and she just gets angrier. I say to myself that i can't pick up the fight, that she's depressed and frustrated, but it kills me. In over 4 years of relationship, our very frequent fights are always because she gets angry at something i said or done. Not because i agree with everything she does, but i never ever make a fight out of it. Not her, its as she feeds on fighting.

Looking objectively i know it may seem like an abusive relationship and that i'm letting her have too much power over me. But i could never leave it knowing she's depressed and having financial issues. Besides, i break whenever she starts crying, so the really ugly fights are an emotional disaster for both.

I feel there was so much more i could say. Some days are really, really hard. This is one of them. I really do feel defeated.

Hi defeated. Sounds like it is time to start taking care of yourself. Getting a therapist and psychiatrist can be a beginning to dealing with depression.

If your wife will go on meds and get a therapist instead of dumping all her stuff on you, it will make both your lives easier.

Dealing with parents is never easy but it sounds smart to sanitize what you tell your mother so her anger is not bigger than it is.

You need another team member. Try getting 3 more posts by Thursday night at 9PM EST and you can visit the Depression Chat in the chat room. Wednesday is anxiety chat 8PM EST. But you need to reply to other posts or create your own so you have at least 5 posts.

You can also be an active member in other ways like supporting others in their questions, reading articles and posts http://forums.psychcentral.com that are applicable to your area of concern.

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

If shes not in treatment and actively working on helping herself feel better for herself and also for those around me , The I am sorry she is just being abusive and taking advantage of those around her.

It's possible she has more going on than depression.. Bipolar and some personality disorders can cause/explain the anger she is having. Just a thought.

No one here is a Doctor and cant diagnose of course.

Regardless, she has to want to get better, having a mental illness isn't an excuse to treat others terrible.

Welcome to PC

She is in treatment, and she has been for some time (over 2 years now). However it just hasn't improved all that much, and other factors (unemployment, some rough patches with her own family, other heath issues) haven't helped to get her levels up. Sometimes i do wonder if there's any other kind of disorder, but put it simply, it is not something i can suggest. She is extremely touchy in what regards her condition, were i to suggest something else - other than / worse than depression, she would resent me horribly. In her head, i know she's not "treating anyone badly". She's just acting the same way she feels she's being treated. The thing is, she feels like she's being mistreated / ignored / insulted / etc all the time. And saying otherwise just makes her sadder / more angry, which in turn leads to her being more aggressive.

We are both seeing a psychiatrist and are being treated for depression. I had it before, but this situation made me relapse. I can't "take care of myself" any other way. I understand the good it comes from having hobbies, being able to detach myself from the whole scenario (if even for a short while), but its almost impossible. Her being unemployed also means she spends most of her time by herself, waiting for me to come home. Coming home later because i went to the gym or have a couple of drinks, or even being home and doing something by myself is regarded as "not giving a damn" about her.