Sexuality, guy problems, women problems, etc.

First off - I am an 18 year old guy struggling with his sexuality. Me & most of my friends are off to college.

Second - I just lost a friend due to him not really being available anymore. I'm starting to realize he doesn't have time for me when he has a ton of other things to do (he goes to school for like 12 hours, studies the other time, etc.) and he has much better friends than me and I hadn't thought that it would hurt me like this but discovering it all is getting to me.

When trying to talk to him over the phone I felt so hurt hearing him all happy with his roomates and other friends and before that I used to be his best friend but now I don't know I feel like he's always been an amazing friend and someone else was bound to see it but now it hurts for some reason for reasons I can't comprehend.

I realize I keep doing the same thing and I'm not sure what king of future I have while he's going to better places then me. He's smarter than me even if he thinks otherwise. He's going to FAU I'm going to BC (although I've always been told I'm smart, I'm not too sure myself now - I'm going to major in business only because I work at a grocery store and am moving up in the company fast, so it's good exp. to back up my resume. I can maybe transfer to FAU in TWO YEARS to finish my credits but I'm still bumed and hurt and not even sure they'll accept me and I feel like such a loser).

I keep playing these video games and I need to cut them because they've made me lazy and slack off it's the reason I have to get my AA in a community before I go off to FAU, a good college, rather then the community one I'm in.

I was never attracted to him sexually, and I thought I only saw him as a friend, but now I'm realizing I might have been romantically interested now that he doesn't have time for me anymore.

Usually I'm either attracted to men but not romantically interested, but this was reverse - usually I'm not attracted to women but am romantically interested.

I feel like a freak because I've never been physically + romantically attracted at the same time. I'm afraid to ever look for somebody because I don't know what I want. I'm afraid of what I want. I don't know how other will judge me of it. I just want to be normal and, if I determine myself homosexual, I'm one in 5% of the population, and with the opposite gender making up roughly half of that 5%, I'm in an even smaller percentage of possible prospects then ever.

Ugh.

Due to abuse problems, I don't live with my mother - she claimed I lied and took my stepfathers side, he confessed to what he did after court & she still nothing. She says she wants a relationship but I can't do it because she's still with him.

I have a stepmother but it's not the same. I wish I could just be hugged and cry on my mother's shoulders. But I don't have a mother anymore.

I work part-time for 31 hours a week, college for ME starts next week, I feel like life just sucks.

I lost a friend and I don't know why but it hurts and I fear I might like him and I don't want to like him that way - I'm not physically attracted to him & he's been a good friend of mine and I'd hate for me to feel awkward.

Why does life have to suck?

Why can't I be in the normal 95% of the straight population? Why did I have to go and not have a mother?

My father isn't even better he's bipolar and selfish and hard to put up with and I just want to move out with my brother - except he's selfish too and

I FEEL LIKE A FREAK OF NATURE.

Why do I have to be so damn emotional? I'm a ****ing guy. I feel like such an idiot for even being this flustered and ambivalent and chaotic.

I've never felt so alone.

I'm posting this up here because I don't have a mother to hug me and I don't know where else to go.

I'm too crazy and insane and emotional to fix myself, so here I am, venting for you guys.

I am sorry you don't have a mother to hug you. Mine is old and will soon be gone so I feel the pain of that.

Life for me is a mixed bag. It is like a glass half full and half empty. I have to find the half of the glass that is full so I don't just get depressed.

Keep reaching out and reaching in. There is more to us than reaches the eye.

Thanks for sharing.

I feel your pain man. Do you think that it may be possible that you seek love from other males because you're afraid of women or you have issues trusting them due to some kind of abuse in your life by them or by simply not feeling loved by your mother?

My mother was an abusive narcissist and most of the other women in my life were abusive at one point to me as well so I tend to rely on most of my male friends for emotional support and love similar to the kind of love brothers show each other without having any sexual interest in them, yet having mostly sexual interests or the desire to be only casual friends with the females in my life because I find it difficult to open up to or trust women.

You're not alone and you're certainly not a freak. Welcome to PC BTW!