[Monokuma]

I have over-paranoid mom who sees almost everything in a bad way. I know she maybe trying to protect the family member but she's being too much and i'm so tired with it. I'm the eldest child, 22 but she won't let me to work if the place is too far from home and finished at "night" ("Night" in her mind is anytime > than 5 p.m, so if i some home at 6 p.m it's considered as "too late")
Coming home even at 7.pm is incredibly rare for me

Thus she's always worrying and saying about unnecessary things almost every 10 mins such as "why does he (my younger brother) not at home yet?", etc meanwhile he got extra class or something and she obviously knew about it. Also she's always think as if we're gonna get an accident or something worse outside or whatever. So all she does is like trying to force everyone stays at home as long as possible.

I tried to talk about this with her but she's also very stubborn and think that she's always right all the time. All the time.
So far discussing about this with her is like talking to a wall. She's always making so many excuse to make herself seem right about this, including in front of others.

And now, she's trying to convince me to quit my job by saying she doesn't feel safe if any fam member isn't at home and some excuses that she's right about it. I feel sick because it slowly ruining my life, i missed some good-payment jobs because of this. I'm not that submissive but i figured out that she rejected some job offers by herself without my consent wth.. I didn't even know about that

I don't know how to deal with this and feel so annoyed. "Talking" doesn't work anyway. Asked my grandma(her mom) to talk about this but sadly it was useless too. And the worse thing is her behavior caused more family issues making the atmosphere here somewhat bad and uncomfortable. I really want to move out but with my financial condition now it's impossible.. Thus i have my own problems and stress

What to do then?
How do i deal with my mom? i'm confused

[Trippin2.0]

Maybe you should stop talking about it then and just do.


If you still have a job, keep doing your job, just refuse to engage in these nonsense conversations with her. Tell her she's being unreasonable expecting you to find gainful employment that allows you to be home before 5 and that you will be living and working in the real world, even if she chooses not to.


Honestly she doesn't seem all that paranoid to me, looks more like she wants to cripple her family so that they never leave her, and using safety issues is a nice excuse.


I actually DO get home at a dangerous time, 22:30, but that's not enough to make me quit to stay at home and be broke.


Seriously, just do what you have to do and don't argue about it with her.

[divine1966]

Move out?

You don't need to put up with this. Heck I have adult daughter. If I told her she must have a job that ends at 5, she'd laugh. Your mom is lucky to have obedient children lol lol
I am kidding but on a serious note just do what you need to do and let her fuss

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[Monokuma]

Yeah i still doing my job, it's just bug me that she expects everyone to obey her just because she wants it.

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

make me quit to stay at home and be broke.

oh how i wish she could understand this is all she trying to do lol^

She is a worrier. That is the way some Mothers behave. Tell her she is smothering you.

Are you the youngest?

[Monokuma]

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

She is a worrier. That is the way some Mothers behave. Tell her she is smothering you.

Are you the youngest?

Yeah i get it but her worries are going too far i guess ._.
No, i'm the eldest child in family

[divine1966]

If you work, you can move out. Start planning

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[StuckinRut]

Her behaviour sounds quite extreem and very unhealthy. I agree with others, certainly you should not give way to her and quit your job. In my view, based on what you've written, this is about your mother trying to control her family members. She is probably scared to see the control slipping away from her. I agree with Trippin2.0, the safely concern is largely just a cover story. She may have some worries, which is natural, but you are no longer a child and she has to let you life your life. I'm guessing that this is also an obstacle to your social life. I think you need to make a stand and just go ahead with what you feel is right for your life. At 22 your personal safety is largely a matter for you to assess the deal with, it's not your mothers job to take care of that now. I know that it's hard to do because you probably don't want to hurt her, but you have to be quite strict with yourself and not yield to pressure from her on this issue, otherwise it will hold you back. In the long run yielding is not good for either party.

[Trippin2.0]

Good points posted above.


Also, you may want to take into consideration that this tug of war between you 2 sets the precedent for your younger siblings...


If you bend to her will and submit to her control, she will think its normal, your younger siblings will think its normal, and then nobody will mature into self-sufficient adults, everyone will stay dependent and attached to mommy's apron strings...


Or one will have the good sense and strong will to break free from her control, which would then most likely cause a rift in the family unit,as he or she will be seen as the black sheep...


Either way, it wont be healthy, not now and certainly not in the long run.