[AlexLexi]

My girlfriend and I have been together on and off for 5 years. I have been with other girls since I was 14. I am 40. My gf had only been with me, and that started when she was 32. She actually was with guys only before that and was married. She however now has zero interest in guys. Over the course of our relationship we have had some complications, many of the issues have been due to her being bipolar and having borderline personality disorder. I have mild borderline personality disorder.
We have broken up a few times, but we always got back together fairly quickly. About 1 year ago and a half we broke up and she decided to start dating someone new. The new girlfriend was a jerk and she also caught my gf texting me. She knew my gf wanted me back and was struggling with that. The girl contacted me online, threatened me and started stalking me all over the internet. Eventually they broke up a few months later. My gf and I got back together. However, I had a lot of resentment because I did not go date anyone while her and I were broke up. It upset me that she had sex with someone else. So we broke up again for 8 more months. In that 8 months she again found a new girl and started dating her. Again I did not date anyone else. This new gf of hers has bipolar and borderline personality disorder too, just like my gf. Both of these girls she dated are a lot younger than my gf. They are in their 20's and my gf is in her late 30's. This new girl did not last long, again because my gf and I have a magnetic pull to one another. This last girl loved my gf in the short time they were together. So the girl knows my gf and I are back together and she started stalking me online.... It really upset me. This one did not verbally threaten me, but she started stalking me on instagram and made snarky comments on fb comments. My gf insists on still being friends with these exes because they were nice to her and she feels bad about cutting off all contact with them. However for the past 3 weeks we constantly fight about the fact she is in contact with them and they both have harassed me online. I feel that in order for us to move forward and repair our past issues, she has to get rid of these exes that she had sex with. It upsets me that she had sex with other girls and that the fact she is still friends with them. She has them and their family members as facebook and instagram friends. I hate it and it bothers me to the core. She feels I have no right to ask her to cut all contact with them. I feel if she loves me and wants to repair our relationship, that she should cut all contact with them. Which one of us is right?

[Bill3]

In love it isn't "either/or", it is "both together". If only one of you "wins" the other will be resent it.

In my opinion the two of you need to come up with something that you both can live with. This will require being vulnerable enough to share from the heart and being caring enough to listen gently to the heart of the other.

[I'm Worth It]

Originally Posted by AlexLexi

My girlfriend and I have been together on and off for 5 years. I have been with other girls since I was 14. I am 40. My gf had only been with me, and that started when she was 32. She actually was with guys only before that and was married. She however now has zero interest in guys. Over the course of our relationship we have had some complications, many of the issues have been due to her being bipolar and having borderline personality disorder. I have mild borderline personality disorder.
We have broken up a few times, but we always got back together fairly quickly. About 1 year ago and a half we broke up and she decided to start dating someone new. The new girlfriend was a jerk and she also caught my gf texting me. She knew my gf wanted me back and was struggling with that. The girl contacted me online, threatened me and started stalking me all over the internet. Eventually they broke up a few months later. My gf and I got back together. However, I had a lot of resentment because I did not go date anyone while her and I were broke up. It upset me that she had sex with someone else. So we broke up again for 8 more months. In that 8 months she again found a new girl and started dating her. Again I did not date anyone else. This new gf of hers has bipolar and borderline personality disorder too, just like my gf. Both of these girls she dated are a lot younger than my gf. They are in their 20's and my gf is in her late 30's. This new girl did not last long, again because my gf and I have a magnetic pull to one another. This last girl loved my gf in the short time they were together. So the girl knows my gf and I are back together and she started stalking me online.... It really upset me. This one did not verbally threaten me, but she started stalking me on instagram and made snarky comments on fb comments. My gf insists on still being friends with these exes because they were nice to her and she feels bad about cutting off all contact with them. However for the past 3 weeks we constantly fight about the fact she is in contact with them and they both have harassed me online. I feel that in order for us to move forward and repair our past issues, she has to get rid of these exes that she had sex with. It upsets me that she had sex with other girls and that the fact she is still friends with them. She has them and their family members as facebook and instagram friends. I hate it and it bothers me to the core. She feels I have no right to ask her to cut all contact with them. I feel if she loves me and wants to repair our relationship, that she should cut all contact with them. Which one of us is right?

She is doing the same thing with them as she does with you. Push/pull dance. She doesn't stay with them either yet can't let go. Riding the fence with everybody I'd say.

Which one of you is right? You both are right, but you're not on the same page.

[qwertykeyboard]

Maybe there is a compromise? Allow for phone contact with exes but little to none in person contact?

[I'm Worth It]

Originally Posted by qwertykeyboard

Maybe there is a compromise? Allow for phone contact with exes but little to none in person contact?

You don't make compromises in an unstable relationship. Compromise is only done between a couple whose relationship is otherwise good and they have hit some kind of impasse/blip.

This is not a solid/established relationship. The OP should just move on.

[popuri88]

I don't think it's old-fashioned to feel disrespected when your partner allows their exes to harass you and defends them/don't want to shut them out when they're disturbing the relationship THEY chose.

And, when a long-term relationship is hit by this kind of blow, it requires some effort to mend it. I don't see any effort from her side and a lot of resentment on your side.

Move on, OP. If you're trying to validate your point, I guess you're right to feel so done. You're not "overreacting".