[Javappie]

Hi, all. Back in July, I lost my job and so started my depression. I was living 10 hours away from my parents and, in my depression, made the decision to sub-lease my apartment to move back home (I was thinking that was the only way to get away from the source that made me sad.. which was just the loss of my job.) I am 26 years old and very independent with majorly different views from my parents.. Half way through the sub-leasing paperwork, I realized what a mistake I had made when my mother came to stay with me the last few weeks of the lease- and she was already driving me crazy.

I had been away from my parents for 3 years and loved every minute of it. I saw them a few times a year. Now that I am back, I hate it. I stay in my childhood room nearly every waking minute and sleep as much as possible. They live around 20+ minutes from town and they hound me if I go anywhere. I have no friends in this town and there is literally nothing to do. The first week, I got the munchies for Taco Bell and they made me feel like I was doing something terribly scary by attempting to get some at night. After that, I just didn't bother trying to go anywhere unless needed. I want to get a job that I like but my mom even makes me feel terrible about that because I should be a doctor or some kind of professional in her opinion (which I have 0 interest in.)

My parents are good people. But, they're in their 60's and are VERY old fashioned. I am a free thinker and they're very religious. I am a lesbian (they have no idea) and they are homophobic (and I'm sure they would disown me if they knew..) They want to help me get back on my feet but ONLY on their terms. Which are basically: we have to approve of the job you get and where you live before we give you anything. My dad says I should go back to school (which I want to do) and my mom thinks I shouldn't.

I could go on and on about their horrible relationship (mom wants divorce, both are very depressed/unhealthy, dad drinks/smokes like crazy, mom lays in bed and just watches tv 24/7, etc) that literally bring me down being a witness to, but that's beside the point at the moment. It doesn't help, but their controlling and head butting- with me- is what is really bringing me down.

I want to move back to the state I was previously living in, but they want me to move closer.. and I want to go back to the 10 hour away town. It makes me feel really guilty because my dad and mom can no longer take long car rides (and my dad refuses to fly) but I liked being futher away from them because then maybe I could live how I want to (have a girlfriend, etc.) I had best friends in that town, too, that I left. And a parental like family who got me.

I have $50 in my account at the moment so no, "Just move out!" please. I am trying to sell everything I own to raise money.

Severe depression makes it difficult to make good decisions and very easy to make impulsive ones that we may regret later (speaking from experience).

It sounds like you know what you want to do (move back to where you were) but just need to come up with the money to do it.

I don't usually recommend craigslist for things, but their "rideshare" feature can be good. It just depends how much people in your area use it.

In the meantime, welcome to the Psych Central forums. This can be a good place to talk about your problems and your mood issues and to support other people.