My best friend broke up with me

Hi, I have no one turn to talk about this. I tried talk to my two friends but they are friends with my best friend and it's harder that they can't talk to me that I was too much that I couldn't let it go. I really need help on what I should do. Here are my story how it all happens so you can all have a better understanding what had happened and what I can do.

I am 36 years old. I have never been married nor have kids. I know my best friend for almost 20 years. She is married with two beautiful kids that I am godmom to them. My best friend started to have illness back in 2006 after her daughter was born. She have a Chronic Migraine for 11 years now and still have them for 24/7 days. She had surgery for device behind her head to make the headaches go down or gone. It did work for good three months then it didn't work anymore. So she had to be put on 8 or 9 different pills for her pain for little over a year now. I have took care of her and kids for the last 10 years which I didn't mind at all. I had lived with her in the past but now I am on my own because she wanted me to live my life which I am cool with that but I still help her out. Anyway during this summer she said I can come and stay with her for whole summer help her out and the kids and a company she need so I can get away from where I live (I live with my mum and stepdad for now). So I went there and took care of her kids and her as well. Then last month, she came up to me and talk to me about what's going on with guy and me. I had lied to him, well not exactly I just went another way around that he asked me if I had stop drinking soda pop and losing weight, I just said "well does restraint counts? I drink there". So he asked her hubby who they are good friends for years on and off. Her hubby said no she still drink soda pop and all that crap. Then my best friend and him the guy I like talked and I have no clue what they both have said. THen somehow she said she wanted to suspend one year on friendship and being a godmom if I can get better with my self and my weight and all. I can't remember all what really happened. Of course I was emotional wreck after she said that, I cried and cried. Then next day she had asked me why I didn't play with her kids, help her hubby out or whatever. I couldn't think straight or speak up sooner. I would cried and cried then she got fed up and kicked me out and drove me to another town to dropped me off there. I had to max out my credit card to fly home early and the hotel as well. Oh yea I kinda remember now, she asked me why I didn't do weight loss and stop what I eat and drink that is bad for me. I told her that I am taking care of her and the kids that I wasn't thinking myself. She said okay then our friendship is suspend for one year. That's when broken loosen my emotional roller coaster. When I got home and I have snapped out to finally start to eating healthy and no soda pop and workout for nearly a month now. She had blocked me all my email, hangouts, FB, texts, Glide.....all of it that I have no way contract her at all. I am in calm state and I am ready to tell her my side of story. My confession was this....I couldn't say no to her when she need my help for her and kids. I didn't think of myself. I have noticed my body changed that it got weaker and I was just so lazy and I have this habits for so many years that I would workout/eat healthy for 2-3 days then I stopped, I do that on and off for years. I did help and play kids (not active, just sitting part I would play with them). I do feed them as it should be. I sometimes would help her hubby like clean up but not always I admit it that I got so worst lazy that I don't normally did. Sometimes my best friend say "let my hubby do this" so I let her. I admitted that I have overwelcomed myself there. I just didn't reach her out because she is always sleeping due to her pain meds. Plus seeing her downhill for many new health issues, it kills me to see her. It does affect me. I couldn't tell all of this that it is not her and the kids that holding me back. It is me doing mistake not to reach out to her and tell her. So with all this being said, I have not talk to her for a month now, NOTHING. Now here is a thing, she and her hubby have marriage issues for as long they got together. She would complain how he is not making her happy, lies, not helping, not active father to the kids and all those complain she had say to me for years. I was even got in middle of their fights as well for so many years. Her hubby doesn't like me in first place (I though it was at first but nope he NEVER like me from what my other friend told me recently) because I used date her so yea we used be lover but we became great being best friend. He does get jealous and so on but I guess he had moved on few years later prior into their relationship. I have no problem for them being a married couple. I used don't like him but I am cool now for half of years now. When they got into fight, she would tell him how much I was better than him and so on it was ongoing like that. How he spend on money without her know anything at all. Her kids is 6 years old and 9 years old. I love them to pieces but I have regretted for not play with them enough. She had told me before she kicked me out that her daughter (who is 9) came up to her that I was boring and I forced her to play with her brother and that I was glued on the phone. I admitted that I was boring (I can't drive because I am legally blind so that is hard part not to drive them to places they need to go instead home alot) and I was glue don phone. But I will never EVER force the kids because I have been through myself when I was young. So force is strong word to say. So both of my friends tell me that her kids is happier that I am gone and that they didn't ask where I was or miss me. She also told my friend that I forced her daughter to make her own lunch and her brother as well. I never do that crap. It just so not me. I admitted I sit my *** on counch alot but I sometimes would play with them but damn my body got so damn lazy that I didn't know why. Also she said that her hubby say that I never help I mean NEVER help him to clean or help him with kids and all. But I did help him sometimes. So I didn't bother her that I wanted to try my best and do this "one year ban of friendship" but somehow I reached out to her though one text and one hangouts on my other account. She got pissed and she told my friend she is sorry that she have to unfriend my friend because I reached out my best friend. She tell her that I have not stop bothering her to reach out to get to talk to her. I haven't reach her out until that part with text and hangouts. I don't know why she saId those things that I didn't do. And she said I reacher out her hubby but I never did and I will not reach to him because I am mad at him. I have helped him with his marriage like advices, defend him against her, helped his kids and so on and he never once stood up with me to tell his wife to cool down and talk to me again in both calm ways. I have always helped them when they always get into the fights. Then my friends said that they both happy now and they are talking more and the kids are happier now without me. Like I am the problem. Plus she had told my friend if I tried to teach her more she will change one year ban to lifetime ban. Then her hubby I am assuming he did that he tell her that I tried to reach him again but I never did. Just tonight my friend told me that there is bad news about my best friend that she is dying because of pain pills is killing her liver and she have to get dialysis. And that she can't get device (a new one) and that her nerves is done damaged and she can cut old nerves and it might help but it will be huge risk doing that. So my friend said so you are dying....if you really are, what about your best friend? Will you talk to her? She said no she will never talk to me again. And that "one year ban" is just ease my pain or it just a way for me to stop asking her when she can be my friend again even though I didn't ask her when or w/e. Then my friend said what about the kids? Being godmom and sending them gifts and she said "she doesn't deserve that title, the kdis didn't ask where she is or miss her so no and if she send gifts, I will throw away or make video of me doing rip it up and send her". She won't talk to me at all, never again.

Since now she is dying and I think her hubby is behind all of this that he told her more lies and lies that push her more further and further. Her hubby helped her make a blocklist all of my info that I will never find a way to contract her. It make me thing it is her hubby is telling her more lies and plus she is in pain and on pain meds alot. She never give me a chance to confession my side. I don't know what her and hubby talked behind the doors before I got kicked out. What can I do? I don't want to regret for rest of my life that I didn't speak up sooner and didn't do more active with her kids more sooner. I want to confession to her before she is gone. Will she regret for what she did? I mean even little? She said the main thing is her kids. I understand she gonna put her kids first than friends. But I have done so much for her and the kids for so many years with help, money, advices so on. How can they all sudden they are happy couple and happy kids that I am the problem? Please tell me what I can do or find a way or wait couple of months until i am losing more weight? I mean anything what I can do. I can't forget this ****. I really can't. She said she moved on and that I should too. But I don't know if she is really mad or what? Please just don't say "forget about her, she is mean " or whatever. She mean the world to me so does her kids. She doesn't know that I know she is dying but a friend told me and I am really really upset. I really do think her hubby is telling her more lies. OH she also say I came between her and hubby? How the hell she think like that? i have always told her that I wanted her to be happy and I tried my best to help her and her hubby to work to it out. I been told going to them, at the end I will always get the blame. But really I can't forget this girl and the kids. I have took care of her kids ever since they were born. They are my babies. I dropped school for them, I dropped my life, I give up having a kids of my own. Ok I better shop and let you guys think what I can do, really. I can't handle this pain. I am crying now and don't know what to do.

I am sorry for your pain. I am sending you hugs

I'll admit I am very sleepy and tired so maybe that's the reason. But I had hard understanding the reasons behind all this or what exactly happened.

First of all why are all these people ( who is the guy?) discussing if you drink pop? Or your weight? Up to the point of ending friendship over your weight? Confusing to me. If that's the reason they are nuts! You are better off.

with you helping them or not I am confused as you said you helped raise their kids and lived with them helping out and even drop out of school for them but then you say you were lazy and didn't help them or helped only sometimes? and sat on the couch.

If you truly just lived there and didn't do much then I wouldn't tolerate it for 3 days let alone 20 years but if you lived there and worked for them as free babysitter and maid then they were using you!!!!! How dare they.

I am just puzzled with the reason behind end of friendship. Even if they didn't want you living there they could still stay friends?

Or if it bothered them you live there and don't help out why did they wait for years to tell you? And what's with the pop drinking? They have two little kids abs health problems yet worry what you drink? Crazy making?

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I am not understanding this myself. I agree with the above that you ought to have been actually involved - especially with the children as I am to understand was the whole point of you being there. That may be where the sorepoint of pop and weight comes from. You are obviously disappointed but I think you have answered your own question of why did this happen. Personally, I would not have lasted 20 years with this situation.

Okay, as for your weight issues, you seem to realize this is unhealthy. You need to make a change in your habits, which you seem to understand. But, any change must be done for YOURSELF not to please others.

I seriously doubt you will every find closure to this fiasco of a situation.

I also can't really make much sense about who did what and why.. So moving forward would seem the best thing to do. Focus on your life and if your wanting to make changes do it for YOURSELF not because someone else thinks you should.

Friendships come and go... I'm sorry your hurting. Things will become easier, it takes time.

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