[MikeNessMonster]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. We had a very passionate relationship right from the start. I moved in with him after a year, and for most of our relationship Ive been convinced that he was the one for me, despite some obvious issues that I chose to ignore. Lately, all of the things about my boyfriend that I used to think "we will get past these together" are sticking out like sore thumbs to me and making me majorly question our long term compatability. There are many things I love and admire about my boyfriend,

We both love each other very much, we are best friends, we have the same passions in life, we have the same politcal views, he is extremely hard working and generous, he gets my humor, he is financially supporting me through school, he can be very passionate, loving, and is one of the funniest, most adverturous people I know. I love all of his friends and family. There is something about his soul that just feels right to me. But despite all of these good things, there are bad things that make me question everything...

He has anger issues left over from an abusive childhood, which can turn intl rage directed at me. It got so bad that I gave him an ultimatum and asked him to seek his own counseling... he was terrified of course, and he has not had an outburst lately but hasnt looked for his own counseling... i feel that it is only a matter of time before he does it again.

He drinks almost or all of a six pack of beer every single night. While I have no issue with a couple beers to relax, he has been drinking like this for over a year and a half and I am VERY concerned about his health since he is conaiderably older than I am. He also has been smoking cigarettes on and off his whole life... i try to support him to take care of himself and he always says he wants to make a big change but never has. Its wearing on me. When we first met he was pretty fit, but after a year of being together he has developed a beer belly and has alcohol breath pretty much every night. He is 18 years older than me, and I feel resentment that he wants me to commit my young years to him while he slowly kills himself.

He constantly talks abouy money and how stressed he is... he has two kids he pays child support for... i dont even want kids.

To top it off hes been spending less time with me. I feel like our emotional connection just isnt the same anymore. I used to feel so passionate about him, we used to be so incredibly close and I miss it every day. I really used to be able to overlook his issues and love him for him, but since he isnt extending that passion towards me it is all just popping up and shouting at me. I know I need to talk to him about all of this, but how do I decide if I should stay with him or cut my losses? He is a good man, but is he right for me? Should i commit to a much older man in my mid twenties if he isnt even taking care of his health no matter how much I love him?

[divine1966]

I strongly recommend not to commit to a man who drinks 6 pack every night and has anger issues. He might be a good man and you love him but it's not enough

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[WifeofBPD]

I agree with Divine... sometimes love isn't enough. A relationship is a two way street. He has to be willing to make it work also and that means validating your concerns and seeking help. I would say maybe consider couples counseling before calling it quits. A last ditch effort, per say. If he will go and take your concerns seriously then maybe he will be willing to work on whatever feels broken inside himself. If not...I'd say it's time to move on.