[TimTheEnchanter]

OK. Here we go. I occasionally refer then as "muggles", it is more of a joke than a real statement. I could never get along with so called "normal peeps". I hate to say this but they bore me to death. It is possible that since I was born, I was a little different thus my interaction with others was a little skewed, but things are different when we were children. Our inherited problems often did not surface until later. Do you find this true? Now that I am set in my ways I find it even harder to make friends or to get closer to "normal" persons. Also everybody, even normal people have some personality, psychological issues often masked by self-medication with drugs, smoking, alcohol etc.

[divine1966]

I am not sure what you mean by normal. No cognitive or emotional disabilities? In that sense I am normal and so are most people I know. Many people with disabilities are still fairly normal. In what sense do they bore you? I never think of people with no disabilities or with disabilities as boring. I am not boring

Maybe I misunderstand what you are trying to say

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[TimTheEnchanter]

normal=no discernible psychological problems (I though this was pretty straight forward)
the issue is not how you view yourself but how others view you...but if you consider yourself "normal" that's fine by me. Most on this forum have deeper issues but one everybody is copying differently.

[vonmoxie]

So if you recognize that they all have issues but that some are just better at hiding them, then what is the difference you're referring to? The appearance of being buttoned-up, or the silent claim that some make as to being normal? Is it the worship of normalcy itself that's bothersome? I think that would be understandable, because it's a false ideal that by its very nature sets people up to fail.

I've never encountered a person whom I witnessed to be discernably "normal", whatever that can even be said to be. I certainly have friends whose lives appear somewhat without fault to the naked eye, but in my mind one need only get to know someone a little bit to notice they have issues. Closest I think there is to normalcy is people who are actively dealing with their stuff -- but they still have stuff, and I think we're all just sort of hanging on somehow. Those that make the biggest show of having all their ducks in a row are often the most distraught among them, in my opinion.

Maybe it's a bit like the Easter Bunny though. I don't believe in normalcy, and don't specifically see it in people, and as a result I get no basket of pastel-colored treats one Sunday each Spring. Iffen you get my drift.

[divine1966]

It's not really that straight forward as what's normal for one might not be for someone else. Do you see others as coping better with their issues and it make them appear more normal than you are? What steps do you take to cope well?

But overall I have a bit of a problem with referring to people as normal or not normal. By what standards and who determines what psychological issues are deep and what aren't?

I work with special needs population, some struggle with mental illness and some with cognitive or physical limitation. I never thought of them as not normal.

Sure some people cope better than others or some might have bigger issues than others etc etc but that's a different issue all together

In what sense the issue is with how others see you? People consider me normal. I myself consider other people normal to.

But again what's normal? Sure everyone is unique and have unique struggles. I do refer to specific disabilities by naming a disability or illness ( if need to) rather than referring to lack of normalcy.

Do people perceive you as "not normal"? Do they make it known to you? I am sorry if that's the case

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[TimTheEnchanter]

divine, it is society that thinks itself as normal and not-normal. It is not my definition. Yes, people labelled me as different. I never got the in-the-face "you are not normal" but I am close to 60. Once, I had someone break up with me (for who I am.) The funny thing she had her own issues/baggage but she was in denial, (so was I back then) I have experienced a lot of "sorting-out" by society. And I agree with you it should not be as you point out. I live in CA where I fit better in than a small Midwest town for example. Still, I would whiter away and die in the Midwest.

[divine1966]

Unfortunately people do judge when somebody is different. My BF stopped going to church years ago because people would get up and move if he sat next to them. He has Tourette's and does decent job controlling some of it but it only works for awhile. So people get annoyed with him. Anyways it's just an example.

You yourself did some judgement stating that normal people bore you to death. I rarely find any people to be boring. So they label you as different and you label them as boring. So maybe it kind of goes both ways.

I am not young either. About to be 50. I lived on different continents. People are kind of the same everywhere. Some judge some don't, some are probably boring and some are interesting. I hope you can find some type of community where you can fit.

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[Middlemarcher]

I find that these discussions always get bogged down in some question of what is "normal" and what isn't. Which is fair enough, but when I try to have these conversations, I always feel like people are missing my point and focusing on semantics.

For my own part, although I do not have difficulty relating to most people on a superficial basis, on a gut level, I do not "get" people who do not have a fairly significant history of trauma (particularly childhood abuse, whatever form that might have taken). Nor do I feel that they "get" me-- and maybe that's what's more at play for me. The people that I tend to form friendships and romantic relationships with are frankly, like me, somewhat neurotic, traumatized people. The people I bond with also tend to be unusually creative people who experience emotions very intensely. I find it difficult to figure out what to talk about with people who aren't, and I tend to find those conversations frustrating and unsatisfying.

So for me, I tend to think of "normal" as not having a significant history of trauma or abuse. (Everyone has something, but if I imagine a spectrum, the people who skew away from the middle seem very different to me.) I don't mean "normal" in a positive or negative way, simply as neutral. Nor am I particularly invested in the idea. It's simply a shorthand for me to describe a disconnect I feel with certain kinds of people.

Not everyone has a significant history of trauma. Not everyone is extremely creative. Not everyone perceives their emotional experiences, by and large, to be extremely intense. These are divisions that make sense to me.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

I know exactly what normal is and I have yet to meet a a normal person. I sometimes think I have and then they go do or say something completely barmy.

[WifeofBPD]

When I had college psych in high school, the one thing that stuck with me with most was the definition of normal "what the majority does the majority of the time". To that end, normal is not only subjective, but it is constantly in flux. There really is no normal. But, yes, I see the point. It is hard to be a slice of pumpernickel in a white bread world. Personally, I would rather be the pumpernickel. Interestingly, though, if you look closely enough, you see through the polished veneer and all the nicks and scratches that make us unique stand out. It's an individual choice to see that or the reality they try to project. I find the nicks and scratches to be more appealing and think that it helps me relate to people better rather than focusing on the spit and polish.

~S~

Originally Posted by KinkyGuy

OK. Here we go. I occasionally refer then as "muggles", it is more of a joke than a real statement. I could never get along with so called "normal peeps". I hate to say this but they bore me to death. It is possible that since I was born, I was a little different thus my interaction with others was a little skewed, but things are different when we were children. Our inherited problems often did not surface until later. Do you find this true? Now that I am set in my ways I find it even harder to make friends or to get closer to "normal" persons. Also everybody, even normal people have some personality, psychological issues often masked by self-medication with drugs, smoking, alcohol etc.

Kinks, Okay now I will explain myself in this way. When I was in high school I wrote a paper and my thesis statement had to deal with "normality". Now I contend and from what I have learned through my many years. There is no such thing as normal. My normal and someone Else's normal are two very different things.
One for instance here and I will let this go, not saying this is a bad subject. Ok, now I like to have a cup of straight black coffee for breakfast every morning, but someone else might have to have it with cream, or sugar or both, yet someone else may only drink a Coke. Now simplistic in nature of explaining normal, yes, but point is made.
Now, (I know I said one for instance), take a person like Napoleon. Most people would either contend that we was a "whack job", while others would say that he was a brilliant military practitioner. No one is or will be normal, there is no such thing. People could look at me as a brilliant mind, that was wise beyond his years, while others may say wow he was a lazy know nothing bum.
So thus the point is doubly made. Normal isn't normal, the only thing that is real are the things that are actual laws, gravity, relativity and the like. Half the stuff we learn is just theoretical nonsense. Time for that second cup of hot black coffee. Peace out whoa.

[TimTheEnchanter]

Unfortunately, this makes me very lonely at times. I have a family but I pine for friendship outside of the family. For a while I was going to a Bipolar Support group, but I stopped because of my issues, being BP is a minor one..I am thinking of going to a AA program as I cannot drink anymore (sometimes, especially during the Xmas Season I miss the social part of it), so, eventually (when my daughter flies the coop, I might even join a Monastery (Buddhist) or go to India because I miss something here, in the US.

[MiddayNap]

Normality is subjective. My normal is the normal by which I judge all other normals, as can be said for every other human being on earth. Therefore, everyone is simultaneously normal and abnormal until met with the judgement of someone with either similar or differing viewpoints. I call it Schrodinger's Weird.

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

I hear so much about people who can't connect to normal people. I'm a normal person and I can't connect to normal people - what's up with that? I'm not brilliant, I'm not talented or gifted. I'm not deep or insightful or questioning. I barely have any interests - yesterday I think I had an actual conversation and it was mostly just the two of us recommending anime to each other. I feel very little towards individuals, even if I want to; I'm often torn between wanting people in my life and wanting to just be left alone, being fascinated and being afraid.

And yet I'm normal. I know I'm normal because I can't relate to people who are not normal. And that actually bothers me, because besides all the benefits of abnormality, I'd at least have a reason for having such a hard time relating and connecting if I wasn't normal.

Wife's definition is what I always thought normal meant, that seemed kind of obvious. I think the whole "normal is subjective!" line is only half-true because of it.

/ramble

[cloudsurfer]

I think "normal" is a hypothetical thing where we make judgments based on a fictional average person. Certainly, there are abnormal (undesirable) states like suicidal depression, paranoid delusions, and hearing malevolent voices. I suppose abnormal becomes a problem when you are so maladjusted you cease to be able to function in reality. Then there are movements like Hearing Voices Network have challenged seek embrace or live with their "neurological diversity"( love that phrase).

I think when we speak of "abnormal" in the realm of mental health we are speaking of a being that is suffering in some psychic way who may be a danger to self or others. This we consider not normal. My own personal mental health issues cause a great deal of isolation, agony, neuroticism, and confusion. I dont consider this a weird quark, badge of difference, or freak flag I can fly. It is illness to be dealt with and hopefully vanquished. At times I am ashamed and embarrassed by it and I would trade it in for "normalcy" at anytime.