[stuckinthepast28]

I have been pursuing someone who is just not healthy for me. Someone who i dated in the past and cheated me, gave me an STD and lied to me.

I went back to him. Over a series of events that always, always ended up with me being hurt, we tried to be friends. He even helped me with my website and offered to help me sell my art. The thing is, he was still talking to his ex the entire time we were trying to establish a friendship. He always claimed that she was mentally unstable, yet i would catch him out in public with her which confused me. He ended up telling me about an idea he had for a start up company and he wanted her help, which is why he was keeping in touch with her.

We almost dated a second time, which was very very hard for me. I felt such a strong connection to him and he was very unclear about whether or not he wanted a relationship. He dropped hints all the time that we would be perfect together and we ended up talking about it, I told him that I wanted to date him but he eventually said that he wasn't sure and needed alone time, wanting to just be friends. I tried to be understanding, especially given that he had just gotten out of a relationship. I should have been honest with him, but held back my emotions.

Every time I tried to be open about how I was feeling he always brushed it off, ignored me, or said I was just being too sensitive. At one point he told me that he was still willing to help me with my website but that we could never date, no matter what I said to him he wouldn't change his mind. His statement really hurt me because it made me feel powerless, here was this person who I had spent over a year developing a close friendship with, and when I finally had the chance to "be with him" he didn't feel the same. It was really hard, I ended up spacing myself from him and tried to give myself time to think.

I just really loved him for who he was, despite the fact that he had done things to me (he would blow me off after I invited him out with friends, promise to help me with my website but never really follow through) that hurt me deeply. I still went back to him, agreeing to be friends and I recognize now this was a huge mistake. We had another argument. He ended up sending me an email stating that we should "go our separate ways professionally, best of luck in life". I was crushed.

We ended up seeing each other in public unplanned, and eventually had a very honest talk about how he treated me and how it made me feel. I finally told him that I felt like it would be easier for me to cut him out of my life because of how deeply I cared for him. He sounded super upset and said he really wanted to try and be friends. I agreed, because I didn't want to hurt him, and I still loved him and wanted him in my life, I just knew it would be really hard. Especially because he started dating someone new a few weeks after he told me he needed "alone time"

The whole experience was just entirely hurtful, and instead of giving myself what I needed I tried to stay friends with him. He ends up inviting me out for a drink then leaves after chugging his beer, making up some lie about talking to his landlord. I told him to stop lying to me, and he continued to lie! I eventually caught him in his lie and at this point I was beyond hurt and upset.

I realized that if I tried to be friends with him, he would just string me along and nothing would ever change, I would always end up getting hurt.

I ended up doing something that i KNOW was not a good idea...I got in touch with his ex, the one he had been seeing recently, and told her about his intentions to "use" her for help. I don't know what came over me, I honestly don't know why I sent the email. Anyway, he exploded with anger at me, called me a ****, told me that I was pathetic, that he and I never had a relationship, that I was self-righteous, that our spending time together was just "half-assed hanging out", that I never really loved him, that I would always be a pathetic person and that I needed therapy.

I don't know what to say or think. I think part of me knew deep down that I had to do something to cut him out of my life completely because I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I feel like a monster for what I did. I feel like a terrible human being who went out of my way to cause harm to someone and all for what, because I was hurt?

He and I will never speak again, and thats what I have been needing to happen. I just feel like a terrible person for going about it the way I did. Any feedback would be helpful,

Please help.

[ChipperMonkey]

I TOTALLY understand the need to "blow up bridges" in order to move forward....I like to refer to it as nuclear bombing them, as it goes waaaay beyond "burning bridges". Its the need to completely destroy any possible links in order to be able to move forward. And in all honesty, sometimes you do need to do something completely out of character, something that isn't exactly nice....in order to completely sever ties and move forward. I did it recently myself, and while I'm not proud of my actions, the end justifies the means.

Don't judge yourself based on one action. Relationships of any kind can be VERY hard to let go of....in your case you kept going back again, and again, and again. (I was the same in my situation.) Simply trying to separate yourself from the situation wasn't enough, it could never be enough, and that's why you resorted to more extreme means.

Am I saying this is a good thing to do over and over again? Nope, not in the least. I've only done it once in my life so far, and its served as a huge learning lesson to me. I am hoping that the next time I can remove myself from the situation a lot sooner and don't become so hooked on going back again and again and again.

And I hate to put it in a tit-for-tat sort of way, but c'mon, if that guy wasn't such a d-bag to you, would you have resorted to snitching on him to his ex? I sort of doubt it! This guy lied to you, cheated on you, GAVE YOU AN STD (uhm, worst case scenario it could have been one of the ones that renders you sterile, gives you cancer in a few years, or even kills you, right?) So you finally snap and give him what's coming to him. Honestly, I think he got off lightly!

[sammo777]

stuckinthepast...

reading your post made me laugh. He sounds like a total a-hole and a player, who was keeping you dangling for some lovin', but you won in the end with your nuclear email.

congratulations!

sending an email to a player's GF doesn't make you a bad person -- don't stress about that. To me, you took control. Result!