[uhusti]

I am currently having a very difficult time with my ex wife. To give some back ground information we got married in the summer of 2002, and were married one month short of two years. She is the one who wanted the divorce and would not work on our relationship at all, and to make matters worse I discovered that she was cheating on me and going to the bar every night while I stayed at home. I was always catching her in a lie and even heard another man saying that he loved her on her cell phone voice mail. So after all of this I still fought for our marriage to no avail, so I finally gave her the divorce. One year after the divorce we reconciled and were a couple again. The only reason I took her back was because she swore she had changed and promised to work on our relationship.

I will start this paragraph with our reconciliation of a little over two years. During this time I was miserable because she would not have sex with me (not even once), would not hold my hand in public, refused to see my parents, would not attend social events with me, barely kissed me if at all, and would not reciprocate on any of the nice gestures I did for her, and would only see her 1-2 times per week. To make matters worse she continued to lie to me at various times during this two year span, even though I do not think she cheated on me again.

At the end of this two year span I decided enough was enough and broke up with her after eight years of struggle (even though we did have some great times together). Right after I broke up with her I was fortunate enough to meet a spectacular girl who I have many things in common with and she treats me terrrific. During the time I met this new girl my ex wife decides that she has totally changed and swears up and down that she will never ever hurt me again. She calls me crying and apoligizing for the past and says that everything was her fault and says that she wishes she would have worked on our marriage before getting divorced. She tells me that I am the love of her life and that she will wait on me for the rest of her life. This is very difficult for me to hear because I do still care for her, but am trying to move on with my life after all the ill feelings she has caused me in the past. Her actions now leave me wondering if I am making the right decision not taking her back. I also feel guilty for some reason and am not sure why. Probably because she told me that her physician said that she has a fibroid adenoma on her uterus and if she does not have kids now she will probably never be able to have them.

Please help, what should I do? Why am I feeling guilty when I am just trying to make myself happy for once?

[SpringStar]

Hi uhusti

Welcome to PC......

I read your post and will try and put my female persepective on this.....remember it is just an opinion.

First were you and your wife married young..? ie had your ex wife had other significant relationship before your were married.....?

I'm not say this is mandatory...I just asking because of her behaviour during your marriage (and by no means making excuses).

It seems that she is searching for something or someone to make her life feel fullfilled......? In more ones than on....or she may like the attention of others...I don't know.

Her reaction to you now you have a new friend is one of ownership and maybe she see you as the back up plan if nothing else come along.......I'm just grabing at straws here.

But I think your ex is searching for something and hasn't find it yet but doesn't what to let go off what she had/has with you.

A bit of having your cake and eating it as well......

I know this is a tough call but if you feel that you have done everything to make your marriage work. Then there is no reason for you to feel guilty.

You deserve to have a loving and happy relationship with who you choose.

Hope this helps a little.
SpringStar

[tranquility]

Hi there - and welcome!

I agree with everything that Springstar said. Professionals would call your ex-wife's behaviours manipulative. When I was getting divorced from my ex-husband, he threatened to kill himself. I was just beginning my issues of severe depression at that time, but had enough strength not to feel responsible for him. In fact, I brought him to the marriage counselor and told the counselor in front of ex, that if he hurt/killed himself it is not my responsibility.

I think you know the answer deep down. This woman continually hurts you and you gave her more chances than I would have given her.

If you are truly happy with the new woman in your life (even if your not) steer your ex-wife to a good therapist. That would be helping her without taking responsibility for her emotions.

Good luck
Tranquility

[Direction]

Agree with all that has been said.

History is a usually a good indicator of the future...No need to rush anything - if in two years you see a distinct change - it might be worth considering...

Although the new person would probably need be included during this time...

A difficult decision for you...