Advice

JustBryan12345 · Nov 11, 2015, 01:40 AM

Here I am again. Same site, same section new woman...and new problem lol. Ya know if there's one thing I hate it's being toyed around with. Here's the situation. This cashier at my work totally looks in my league of pick up...I think... I'm pretty sure she's interested...most people I asked there opinions they said either that or being really friendly. She asked me one night second time ever seeing her. first time speaking to her. She asked me something seemingly personal about am I married or do I have kids. I replied no, she said neither does she. She seems rather flirty with me. So two nights ago I decided to flip a coin heads I don't ask her out. Tails I do. What do you know? Tails. So me, going on my last. Break, going to the line next to her(Yeah, I chickened out...so I thought) so checking out with gum. She walked down he line I was checking the out of cashier behind her. She(Her name is Rocheal) walked in front of me passing me though the check out(Not hers one I was in) she suggest I buy her gum, I replied "How about Dinner?" And so on, we had agreed to to talk the next day. Well, I saw her doing returns and she didn't she anything. She acted kinda shy...like she usually waves at me. But when we're alone she doesn't talk much. I'm thinking about asking her if she's still interested and that I am shy for this. Also, forgive me for no space. Typing this off my iPad. Any questions? I will be happy to clear anything up.

divine1966 · Nov 11, 2015, 06:19 AM

Ask for her phone number then you call or text and ask her out. Also when you asked her out you didn't set up a date. You need to be mores specific

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ChipperMonkey · Nov 11, 2015, 10:56 AM

I agree. You left out the most important part! It's frustrating for a woman to be asked out and then be left feeling like she has to pick up the ball and plan the rest. Ugh, I hate it when guys do this! You need to ask her out, ask about a specific date, and get her number. You call/text her within a day to make more concrete plans, but whatever you do, DON'T put the decision to figure out what to do solely on her. At the minimum say "I was thinking of taking you to XYZ restaurant or the park or wherever and ask if that's something she'd like to do. I think you dropped the ball and now she doesn't know how to act because you didn't really follow through. (FYI I never really follow through with the wishy-washy guys who think their efforts end at "hey, do you want to go out sometime?")

JustBryan12345 · Nov 11, 2015, 02:46 PM

I did ask her number. She said we would talk but you know she never talks when we are alone. You have to know, I'm shy guy. It toke me a lot of guts to ask her that, and me to keep asking her again(I feel like I might be harassing her about it)

CopperStar · Nov 11, 2015, 03:09 PM

Something to consider, is that many people are very wary of forming a romantic relationship with someone in the work place. For a lot of people, that goes very badly, and some people already have bad experiences under their belt with that sort of thing.

At the same time, when our hormones and feelings start flying, it can be easy to get caught up in little moments. Such as a little flirting here, a personal question there. Sometimes people can't help but dabble a bit when they are feeling tempted by a coworker, to lightly test the waters.

But ultimately the fear of what a huge, drama-infested mess it could be if things didn't work, will often cause the average person to think twice and pull back.

JustBryan12345 · 04:55 PM

Well, I have dated a co worker. Who is now my boss actually, superviser really. and friend on FB. Plus, I will be transferring to another store soon, so really we won't be working in the same store if we did date. My next move is to simply ask if she's still interested in knowing each other. Should I start the conversation with any specific topic? Or say anything? Like "You don't have to act shy around me" or "You look nice today"

ComfortablyNumb5 · Nov 11, 2015, 04:58 PM

It seems like she's shy now that she's getting the hint. It may mean she likes you back. She probably would want to take things slow if she's shy. Friend her on fb. Give her a few texts. Then come out and ask about dinner. If you aren't the shy type, she may be intimidated by you. Nothing to worry about. Nothing but girly butterfly's. Keep us posted!

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JustBryan12345 · Nov 14, 2015, 01:06 AM

Update. So tonight, I asked her again. Saying "Do you still wanna go out? Get to know each other?" She said "I'll let ya know I haven't forgotten" so, yeah she's just playing games with me. It sucks, but that's the truth. I thank you all for your support and time as always. But I decided I'm going to take a different road. About to go on Amazon look for a cheap men's. Engagement ring and pretend to be engaged just to avoid any interaction with women who want to tease. They see the ring, I ignore them. Not being rude, just staying. Faithful...to no one.....yes I know how crazy his sounds....but I'm sick of being teased and played...

ChipperMonkey · Nov 14, 2015, 01:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustBryan12345

Update. So tonight, I asked her again. Saying "Do you still wanna go out? Get to know each other?" She said "I'll let ya know I haven't forgotten" so, yeah she's just playing games with me. It sucks, but that's the truth. I thank you all for your support and time as always. But I decided I'm going to take a different road. About to go on Amazon look for a cheap men's. Engagement ring and pretend to be engaged just to avoid any interaction with women who want to tease. They see the ring, I ignore them. Not being rude, just staying. Faithful...to no one.....yes I know how crazy his sounds....but I'm sick of being teased and played...

I don't think she's necessarily playing you. Actually, I don't think she's playing you at all. I mean you did technically ask her the same question again and she did technically give you the same answer again. I still think you should go with the direct route. That is, ask her about a specific date and tell her you'd like to take her to....wherever. I know you're a shy guy, but I still think that a woman (much of the time) appreciates a man who takes initiative past just asking if she wants to go out. I mean you did sort of leave things up in the air. If you ask her about a certain date and she says no b/c she's busy, then give it some time. Ask again awhile later (maybe a week or two?) and if she says she's busy again, then you have your answer. I understand you're shy, and that's why I said that texting her would be fine. I mean if she's shy too, then she might like to get a text instead of a phone call. I say go for it!

Bill3 · Nov 14, 2015, 01:30 AM

I agree with ChipperMonkey.

And regardless of what happens with this particular woman, I would advise against getting an engagement ring.

JustBryan12345 · Nov 14, 2015, 02:06 AM

I know I should of had a specfic date and time. I don't wanna seem like I'm coming on to hard, and harass her. This is at work, and I can't have a write up(I'm about to transfer to a store soon opening up around the corner from me)

Bill3 · Nov 14, 2015, 02:27 AM

Well fair enough if you don't want to date someone at work. That makes sense. When is the transfer?

JustBryan12345 · Nov 14, 2015, 05:27 AM

No I don't care about dating at work. Least became friends first. The store is alsmot built I'd say abo two more months least. I just can't take the mind games. 27 years old, not in school anymore. I want a woman, who wants something real.

divine1966 · Nov 14, 2015, 08:18 AM

I don't think it's a mind game. You are asking vague questions and she gives vague answers. Do you have her phone number? If not ask and then text her.

I never heard of men wearing engagement rings. Did you mean wedding ring? What's the purpose? Do women come on to you at work and you are protecting yourself? Overall I dint think it's wise

Trust me plenty of women want something real but you need to show that you want real. Do you want women to take charge? Because if doesn't sound like you are taking charge asking them out. You aren't asking specific or real questions

. It might be wise not to date at work at all. Have you tried dating sites?

Saying do you want to have a drink or coffee one day isn't asking a woman on a date. It's too vague

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ChipperMonkey · Nov 14, 2015, 07:13 PM

I don't think its a mind game....I think maybe you're misplacing your anger onto her when you might just be mad at yourself? I mean you go from asking her if she wants to go out sometime to thinking she's a player to then using the excuse that you don't want to come on too hard.... Again, I don't think you're coming on hard enough! She did say she wants to get together, now its up to you to take the initiative to plan something. That's not coming on too strong, not in the least. Just be casual and say something like "I was thinking we could go out to blah blah blah on Saturday. Are you free?" This is totally not coming on too hard. I mean relationships don't just fall into your lap. If you don't want to worry about the harassment thing, then if she says "no" after the first attempt, then drop it completely.

I guess I just want to see you step up and try and get the girl. I've met waaay too many guys who try to go the uber casual route and in the end you never know if you're just hanging out as friends or if there is a deeper interest. I think the art of dating is going the way of the wind. I hate to sound old fashioned, but yeah, I would like it if I wasn't asked to hang out like a friend by guys who are interested in me.

JustBryan12345 · Nov 15, 2015, 02:33 AM

I should ask her number. Instead of of the actual date first. That was a mistake. Sorry my mistake there lol. I need to be smooth about asking her though. Could she be hinting at it? When she says "We'll talk" maybe she is waiting for me to ask for number? What's a good comfortable way to ask for a number?

Nov 15, 2015, 03:59 PM

Well my advice is not so positive. I think pursuing any kind of relationship in the workplace is bad news.

Have you a 'plan' for what to do if it doesn't work out.

JustBryan12345 · Nov 22, 2015, 05:25 PM

Update: So last night when we were both doing returns. I saw her alone, and decided to walk over and talk to her. It really seems that when we're alone and talking she doesn't make any attempts to even get to know me. So I p told her I would be transferring soon, to another store. To see if she would give me her number or FB. Nothing. She could make a little more conversation with me. Rather letting me do all the talking.

Bill3 · Nov 22, 2015, 09:09 PM

Quote:

To see if she would give me her number or FB. Nothing.

I do not think it is reasonable to expect a woman to volunteer her number or FB in a situation where a guy could ask for them and chooses not to.

ComfortablyNumb5 · Nov 23, 2015, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustBryan12345

Update: So last night when we were both doing returns. I saw her alone, and decided to walk over and talk to her. It really seems that when we're alone and talking she doesn't make any attempts to even get to know me. So I p told her I would be transferring soon, to another store. To see if she would give me her number or FB. Nothing. She could make a little more conversation with me. Rather letting me do all the talking.

I'd forget about her. Just my opinion. You did your job

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JustBryan12345 · Nov 23, 2015, 08:33 PM

Wished it was that easy. But I'm a man, and these damn hormones lol. I got one more idea. I'm going to straight up ask for Her Facebook. If she says no, then I will forget her. If yes, then I would take that maybe here's a chance and she's just shy or whatever. I asked that guy, who was with her up front saying to me "She wants you"(I believe I told you ya about that didn't I? First page I think) he couldn't remember, although he did say he doesn't play like that. I asked if he was just joking or something over heard her. So yeah, my emotions are mixed up, and I don't care about getting hurt anymore.

JustBryan12345 · Dec 03, 2015, 01:35 AM

UPDATE: So I sent her a friend request on Facebook. She accepted. Not really happy about it. To be honest I regret sending it. I tried everything, tonight I compilmented her and on her hair tonight at work. It sucks, watching another guy try to flirt with her. Especially one, who's more fit and better looking. When will I ever learn to just stay in my own little world. And keep to myself. It's funny...at times I work in the back sometimes with with him and some of the other guys...let me tell you...they talk about sex so much..meh...I give up...when the transfer is in...I'm outta there...closer to home...

Bill3 · Dec 03, 2015, 03:30 AM

Good job with the friend request!

What do you mean by "I tried everything"?

JustBryan12345 · Dec 04, 2015, 01:01 AM

Like I done everything I could to show her I'm interested. I even sent her a message on Facebook "Hey how's your evening going" that was when I was on lunch, and I don't know she was at work. She had like just came in when I went in lunch lol. She brought it up, when she saw me. "Saw you inbox me." And no, she didn't reply in the message. So from now on, I'm just going to be friendly. And not talk to her much. If anything not about dating anyway.

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