[RosesandTulips]

I need advice for my sister and mother. We all take care of my Grandma who has dementia/ Alzeihmers and other issues and cannot care for herself. My sister, aunt, and I all take care of her during the day alternately. My mom and Dad care for her in the evenings, but my dad is typically working late. My mom, who is a nurse and knows how to care for someone properly, won't take care of her properly because she doesn't want to have to deal with it. My sister and I are there in the evenings to help, so its not like we just leave her alone to deal by herself. Anyways, my sister is a nursing student so she has classes where she has learned how to do the same things my grandma needs done. My mom and her butt heads all the time over the way grandma is not getting enough care from my Mom. (I've had to come in behind mom and bath, feed, and give my grandma her meds so its not new.)

What Im trying to ask is what or how can I resolve this? Then tension is really bad at home and my sister is considering moving out even though she has no where to go and my mom is a fairly immature person. Please help!

[ComfortablyNumb5]

It sounds like your grandmas situation is starting to have its stress on your family. Have you considered calling a professional? Even though your mom and sister are in the medical field, there's still that personal fact that your grandma is family. If they don't want to care for her it's unfair for you guys to leave the work up to each other. I would call in a professional that way you can assure she is getting the care she needs without that buffer of her being family. Sometimes it's hard when it's your own family I guess. I couldn't imagine having to bathe my grandma or dad ect but if there was no one else, id have to do it. However I would contact the insurance co first and see if there is the option of in home care.

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[Actiongirl]

I think RxQueen is correct and has given the same advice I would, just because your mother and sister are in the medical field, doesn't necessarily mean that the burden of your grandmothers care should fall solely on their shoulders, (not saying it should fall on yours either) also your mother might not want to recognise how bad your grandmother is getting and is trying to protect herself from this? Sending you loads of hugs as this must be a nightmare to go through and I do not envy your situation at all, I would def try the insurance co.

(((Hugs)))

[DBTDiva]

I agree with the other posters, it sounds like home health would be really helpful in this situation. It's stressful caring for a loved one, you could all probably use a break!

[ChipperMonkey]

Is respite care available in your area? It is a way of giving caregivers a night (or weekend?) off. Someone comes in to care for the person in need on a short term basis (day/few days) so the caregivers can rest (or do other activites they cannot do while taking care of another).

It sounds like your mom is over worked. I mean she works all day and then is probably exhausted at the end of the day when it comes to taking care of your grandmother. Yes, your grandmother needs quality care, but your mom needs support, too, so that she doesn't burn out. (I'm not excusing her for her lack of care for your grandmother or butting heads with your sister.)

Is there no Public Health or Home Care available?

I'm interested to know the living situation. Is she in a home she owns? Is there such a thing as Home Equity Plan or Home Income Plan (reverse mortgages) in the US? That plan would likely provide an income for a decent nursing home or such facility.