[kala83]

so I am in a polyamourous relationship with my boyfriend, and we have a very good firm primary relationship I have several other partners and for the most part things my other partners and I are at really great points in our lives.

something that I have had happen just today that i really took to heart. Is just really hurting me on the inside and I can't in good conscious just ingnore it.

I have know a guy here in my local area that I really like and seem to get along with fairly well.
but something has happened between the two of us in the last 24 hours that really irritates me.

there is a local poly group of people here in town that was started by some fairly close friends of mine for a healthy safe place for people in non monagmous relationships to come and to speak freely even vent when things in their relationships are not going so well.

I had previously meet, this guy's primary partner and she had told me that her and him were both in a open relationship. They even say as much on web sites I know them both through.

I wanted to extend an invitation to both of them to the next meeting we had, letting them both know they were welcome there.
But I got a fairly defensive message from him today acting like he took a of offence to me adding him to the group without him asking.

Which I frankly don't think I did I think I invited him to join and i think refused but I did not make him join. How could I when I am not a moderator. Also the group is a secret group so only people in it can see you are in the group and see what is going on, or that you belong to it for privacy and security of members.

in any case almost as soon as I got this message from him I sent him back a message apologizing for offending or insulting him if that is in fact whan I ended up doing even it was by accident.

And I know that he revived this message on messenger and read it but he has chosen not to say anything to me....and I honestly mad at this point. I mean you say you are in a open relationship with your girlfriend you act like you are interested me in and and I extend an invite you to that is fairly private to a fairly private group, and you wanna go off on me for inviting you to a group when I did not ask you first? ok I guess fine if you become mad about that...i guess you can.

but I apologized for this saying how sorry I was, saying I felt incredibly bad for doing so. And i am being ignored when I am pouring my heart out to this person.

I mean this just feels incredibly rude, And this person is usually very kind and respectful and totally acts like he cares about me...wants to be there for me.....but apparently I ****ed up today some how.

if simple communication with this person is this hit or miss then maybe I should not want to date this person. But I guess me dealing with having BPD just makes me realize how hard rejection really an truly is for me to deal with.

Trying really hard not to fall back and have my typical abandonment issues from all this and not freak the **** out...but but I feel like I am getting to that point and I do not wanna be in that place.

what makes this worse is that this is a person that is FtM transgender.

and I have always been attracted to these types of people but, it took some time for me and my primary to be both ok with me wanting to look into seeing someone like this further.
having this sense of rejection makes me feel like any guy that is like this is gonna treat me as such.

and it makes me feel scared that, I will not be able to find a FtM person I will truly click with.

I know that just cause I feel this way does not mean that is really going to end up being how things are that if I want to find a person like that, I can and will and I will find someone that treats me decent and that I can carry a conversation with well.

I just hate dealing with my feeling right now and how it make me feel it always makes me feel worthless and self conscious of myself......and I don't know how to push the off switch to that.

[Skeezyks]

Hello kala83: I don't really have any particular thoughts or suggestions for you. But I read your post & thought I would at least leave a brief reply. Relationships can be so complicated. Personally, I lead a pretty-much solitary life at this point. I simply can't deal with other people IRL. I am married. But, otherwise, I just keep to myself. Since I am an older person, however, I guess it's not all that unusual. My best wishes to you...

[divine1966]

Have you asked opinions of other polyamorous people?

As a monogamous person I can't relate but I can relate to people thinking I am into them if I am friendly. He might be just friendly not that he is interested in you sexually. Also open relationship might not mean that they are looking for someone. Kind of like when I was single people wanted to hook me up assuming single means looking for a date. But I was not.

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[scorpiosis37]

I agree with Divine. He was likely being platonically friendly and felt really uncomfortable when you mistook it for possible sexual interest. He may choose to keep his friends and his romantic partners very separate, and felt threatened when you tried to merge them. He may also be extremely private about being poly and got upset when you messaged him through this group, where the other members could see his name or contact info. I'm not poly either, but I would probably have a negative reaction if anyone included me in a group list/mail without my permission. I like to maintain control over who has my contact info and who knows what about me. I also have a really negative reaction when someone I'm friends with makes any kind of romantic advance towards me-- even when I'm technically single/available. I just like to keep those things separate.

[kala83]

no he does act like he wants to get to know me on a plantonic level but he acts like he would be interested in persuing more with me in the future.

what he ended up admitting to me, that his period had come up yesterday. So I am guessing he probably has not been on T for that long for his cycles to still be going on.
and it probably made him fairly hormonal and not as easy to be around well cause i know i get that way when that kind of thing happens to me.