[yagr]

It's quite different than most of the threads in this sub-forum, but it is about communication. At the end of this, I'll be asking: What do you think is the appropriate response to folks?

At the moment, I'm stuck in a complicated sling type contraption after having surgery. Every single time I go out, someone, and usually multiple people, ask me what happened. Rarely are they someone I know; it is almost always strangers. Typically, in any type of social situation, whether I know the person or not, I use humor as a social lubricant to get through the moment. I am not anxious about those experiences, I just consider them a monumental waste of time and I tend to resent having to speak to them at all. It's a mild form of resentment - I get it, it's the way the world works, but I have no interest. Anyway, the conversation almost always goes like so:

Stranger: Wow, what happened to your arm?
Me: Well, you know, the wife told me to get on the dishes and I said, "Later."
Stranger: Oh man, you know how women can be - should have done the dishes.
Me: Yeah well, I wanted to finish the vacuuming first.
Stranger: *laughs*
end of conversation

The only alternative I can envision is as follows:

Stranger: Wow, what happened to your arm?
Me: Well, you know, I've got this rare, incurable and untreatable auto-immune disorder. One of the features of this disease is that I frequently, sometimes up to forty times a day or more, get these muscle spasms that can last up to twenty-five or thirty minutes. Frequently they persist until muscle rips from bone. That's what happened here see. I had a muscle spasm in my bicep that tore it from the shoulder. In doing so, it caused a complete tear of the rotary cuff as well.

By the way, I've tried this and it doesn't work. More questions always follow. It usually begins with, "Wow, isn't there something the doctors can do?" because they weren't really listening when I said that this disease was incurable and untreatable. Followed by, "Man, that must be horrible! Those must be painful, yeah?"

"Yeah, I want to shoot myself in the head multiple times a day" is really not well received by people and they really don't want to hear that - so I tend to stick to a simple, 'Yes' if I'm going this route. Truth be told, I've only tested out this 'honest and not humorous' response three times and only because I anticipated making this post and figured someone would say, "Have you thought of telling them the truth?"

I've thought about printing out an FAQ and handing it out, but I suspect that most would find that rude. I hate social interactions.

[Rose3]

I can understand your disliking these interactions. When strangers start asking these kinds of questions - is it possible to find a way to change the topic? How about even drop your pen or something, to get them to either do something or go away? Or comment on their inquisitiveness, and leave it at that (ask: "are you always so inquisitive?")

[healingme4me]

My first thought was, stranger:what happened? You:Rotator cuff

Then, if more questions...do you want superficial niceties or the sad truth?

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[yagr]

Dang it, you guys are so good at this - always a challenge for me. Probably why I have to sit in the closet and detox for two hours after a trip to the supermarket.

[Permacultural]

I'd avoid eye contact first off. Then they inevitably ask, I make eye contact with no smile or facial expression, say "surgery" real dead-pan, and then break eye contact. I'd do this while moving. And if I was stopped and someone asked, I'd do exactly the same thing but start moving away from them.

When I'm in the "dont bother me" mode, I find that any explanation I give people just invites them to ask more questions. The less words I use, the less they have to jump on me and bother me with.

oh, and wearing sunglasses or a set of headphones works wonders. even if I'm not listening to anything. I call these "avoidance shields" LOL!

[TishaBuv]

How about writing on your sling in big, bold letters "Don't Ask!"?