[beckyfroks]

Hello,
I love my oldest sister very, very much. HOWEVER...
She just can't seem to TAKE OFF her therapist "Hat" at family functions, events, get-together s.
I am there to visit with, catch up with members of my family. I am NOT there to be analyzed, be told her opinion of WHY I did something, said something... whatever... infinitum!!!
Question to all you MFT's, LCSW's, Psychologists.....
Is it POSSIBLE to either
1. Turn OFF your Therapy ... switch?
2. If you think YOU don't do this to your family members, please tell me HOW you achieve this?
3. If it IS possible, How could I go about discussing this with her without causing WW3?

PLEASE HELP!!
I want to talk to MY SISTER. When I want/need therapy, I make an appointment with a Therapist.

Thanks ever so....
I'm hopeful...
Becky

[Confusedinomicon]

I do similarish work and have "service-orientated brain" and am probably annoying because of it, too.

When you're engrossed in that mindset for 40+ hours a week it can be hard to turn it off.

I think the solution is writing her a note and letting her know what kind of support you are looking for and that you aren't their client. Then talk to her about ways that you are wanting to communicate to her and ways that you'd like her to communicate with you. Let her know that you are not going to be upset if she goes into 'therapy brain' because you understand that it is her passion and acknowledge that she is good at her job when shes working but you want to build intimacy in your relationship and in order for that to happen she needs to let you in.

I think that writing out your feelings will be better than talking to her as she probably won't let you finish whatever you're saying. I feel like part of it is protection because when you do training for this kind of stuff in order to maintain 'professional boundaries' it requires you to divert from yourself to focus on the client.

I'm a blabber mouth though and kinda suck at professional boundaries sometimes HAHAHA. Luckily it's less important at my job because the requirements are not as demanding.

[ChipperMonkey]

I have and EX-friend who was in training to be a therapist. She was a know it all....she has PTSD like me (but much farther behind in healing). Anyway, she dropped out of social work school because she felt like she knew soooo much more than everyone else. She could never find a therapist who was good enough because she knew sooooo much more than all of them. Ok, fair enough, take that with a grain of salt because it is indeed hard to find a therapist who knows what they're doing in terms of PTSD. It got to the point where she was "therapizing" me.....even though she never made it through social work school. It was nauseating! I told her to stop treating me like I was a client.....her "job" is to be my friend and support me, not tell me how to live my life! (But if you think about it, GOOD therapy isn't about telling a client how to live their life, its about guiding someone in their healing journey!) Anyway, I'm no longer friends with her. She never abided by any of the boundaries I set up, so she had to go. I don't deal with those who repeatedly cross important boundaries with me.

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by beckyfroks

Question to all you MFT's, LCSW's, Psychologists.....
Is it POSSIBLE to either
1. Turn OFF your Therapy ... switch?
2. If you think YOU don't do this to your family members, please tell me HOW you achieve this?
3. If it IS possible, How could I go about discussing this with her without causing WW3?

1. Yes
2. I work really hard with my clients during the day and week, so my office is the only location I engage in work. When I'm home, I'm me. Its the only way I can be effective during my work time.
3. Have you thought about telling her you miss interacting with her as the sisters that you are?

[llleeelllaaannneee]

I've seen a couple of therapist over the years that seemed like they were looking to get their own emotional needs met by helping others. I imagine they probably had a hard time leaving it at the office as well.

[beckyfroks]

Originally Posted by Permacultural

1. Yes
2. I work really hard with my clients during the day and week, so my office is the only location I engage in work. When I'm home, I'm me. Its the only way I can be effective during my work time.
3. Have you thought about telling her you miss interacting with her as the sisters that you are?

Dear Permacultural,
Thank you so much!! At least now I have hope that this can be addressed. I'm very worried about this as she tends to be very "defensive". I really don't want her to feel "criticized", and then push that "defensive" button. Truthfully, I am fairly sure that if I bring this up with her, she's going to tell me that "I'm just feeling threatened" or something similar, again going into "Therapist Mode". I respect her very much for who she is and what she does, however, I have an excellent Therapist already and just want to visit with my sister.

Thanks so much for your input!!

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by beckyfroks

Hello,
I love my oldest sister very, very much. HOWEVER...
She just can't seem to TAKE OFF her therapist "Hat" at family functions, events, get-together s.
I am there to visit with, catch up with members of my family. I am NOT there to be analyzed, be told her opinion of WHY I did something, said something... whatever... infinitum!!!
Question to all you MFT's, LCSW's, Psychologists.....
Is it POSSIBLE to either
1. Turn OFF your Therapy ... switch?
2. If you think YOU don't do this to your family members, please tell me HOW you achieve this?
3. If it IS possible, How could I go about discussing this with her without causing WW3?

PLEASE HELP!!
I want to talk to MY SISTER. When I want/need therapy, I make an appointment with a Therapist.

Thanks ever so....
I'm hopeful...
Becky

Agreed with Permacultural, it's definitely possible to take of the therapist hat. I'm constantly noticing behavior/statements in people that is probably causing them issues but I don't bring it up to them because most people are not receptive to unsolicited advice and also because I don't want to be a professional for my family and friends. My job is very stressful, I work hard on not getting burnt out or having "compassion fatigue." I don't want to work 24/7, my home time is for happiness, personal care, etc.

How I achieve it - I just don't do it! Lol. I have certainly "diagnosed" my family with stuff in my own head but they're all super invested in not changing so what good would it do to bring it up? Like all other people, therapists or not, your sister is able to pick and choose what she says and when/how to say it if she chooses to. Some people use their education or title as a way of feeling superior to others, not saying this is your sister but just putting it out there.

As others have said, I think you should just address it with her however you feel comfortable. If writing is easier, write her a note. If you prefer to be more direct, I'd wait until she starts dolling out advice and say, in a nice way not sarcastically, "I really would like to talk to you as my sister. I already have a therapist."

[Rose76]

What your sister is doing is rude. It's immature. It shows a lack of professionalism. You may be holding her in higher esteem than she deserves. With that level of inappropriate behavior, I doubt she is all that great in her job.

No matter what field a person is in, what they know is small compared to what they don't know. Mature, intelligent people are the quickest to acknowledge that. People with the highest credentials are the quickest to acknowledge that. Einstein used to say that he wished he wasn't so bad at Math. (He was hardly any slouch dealing with numbers.) Your sister is all taken with herself and her insights. She lacks insight into herself. If she had more, she wouldn't need someone to tell her that she ought to shut up.

People who think they've figured out everything about everyone around them, probably have a lot of unfinished work to do on themselves. No wonder she's defensive.

Make up your mind to not enable this tendency of hers. It's very loving of you to be so tolerant. But look how it's getting on your nerves. Try interupting her when she goes into analysis mode. Tell her this is a social setting and that she needs to leave her work hat at work.

Beckyfrocks, thanks for posting this. Yes, my nephew married a Mormon Psychiatrist. And when she met all of us Aunts and Uncles she was analyzing us. I am a Counselor, and I knew immediately what she was doing. So i decided to no longer do. Then she invited herself to my facebook to scrutinize it. Then she removed herself when she did not get the stimulation she wanted. I hope that is explanatory enough. tc